Pains of Sacrifice
by Nature9000
Summary: Her life revolved around her sister, and for much of her childhood, Trina made sure that Tori would prosper; but tragedy takes the last that she can give, and Tori soon leaves to become a celebrity. When fate brings her sister back, and the baby she gave up, she must find the dreams she sacrificed so long ago and be the mother she feared she couldn't be before.
1. Living Life for Another

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: So this is a companion story that is a slight sequel and continuation of _Lessons in Humility_. Some of the first few chapters are going to take place in the past, then a few during the events that occur in _Lessons in Humility_ , and then continuing where that story leaves off (you'll understand why). Hopefully you'll enjoy this as it goes along.

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Chapter 1 (Living for Someone Else)

The office was small, much smaller than what some appeared to be. It was a little rectangular room with an oak desk lined up a few feet away from the back wall, and a door beside it. On the desk were numerous pieces of paper and a desktop computer. On the wall behind it, pictures of a family.

Behind her was a wall and door which opened into a hallway. To the left was a bookshelf with numerous self-help guides and the occasional odd cookbook. To the right was an end table and lamp with a chair on either side. She sat in a swivel chair in the center of the room, gazing at an older woman with curly blonde hair cut incredibly short. She had crows feet on the edges of her kindred blue eyes and wore a red shirt tucked neatly into a pair of long jeans.

"Do you see yourself as some sort of hero type?" The woman asked in a calm, quiet voice. Her eyes squinted a bit and her brow furrowed. "Why do you feel like she is your responsibility?"

"You think I'm delusional." It was a statement rather than a question. "Don't you, Miss Wise?" The woman's peach colored lips opened into a circle and she leaned back, shaking her head.

"No, I don't believe you are delusional. I legitimately want to know why you seem to go through great lengths, greater lengths than her parents, to care for her, Katrina."

Leaning forward, Trina clasped her hands between her legs and sighed. "She's my sister. I love her. I care the world for her, and just as you say, Mom and Dad don't do enough. I'm not so delusional as to think she'd ever appreciate or even understand what I've done-what I'd be willing to do for her, but I'm the only one that's really fighting for her." Her misty brown eyes focused on her shoes, tapping gently on the floor. "I love her. She's everything to me…"

"I understand, believe me, I do."

"I need to take care of her. People don't understand her. I have to protect her, I've been protecting her since she was a child-"

"When she almost drowned, correct?"

"Yeah." Trina exhaled and clenched her eyes shut. "She's smart, she's intelligent, but not in the way most are. I mean, there are things she doesn't grasp as well as she could. That's why-that's why I sacrifice so much for her. People just don't get her, they don't understand all the idiosyncrasies." She raised her head, looking Miss Wise square in the eyes. "If you had a sister who you just knew had so much potential, wouldn't you do anything for her?"

The woman pressed her lips firmly together, then sighed. "I understand. I do have a younger brother, he means the world to me as Tori does to you; but that love has to have it's limits. How far are you willing to go, how much are you willing to sacrifice and give up."

Trina looked off to the side as her mind began to wonder, memories swirled in her head as her counselor spoke.

"Are you willing to give up your goals? Your dreams?"

The fog of thoughts in her mind took over as she closed her eyes and sighed.

 _"I don't understand why you need to do this," Sikowitz complained for the tenth time. Trina held a photograph of Rhonda Rousey, one of the MMA fighters whom she idolized. She caressed the picture gently, unable to look at it. "I know Jason supports this, but-"_

 _"I have to. You just said that Hollywood Arts is about to do away with auditions and start accepting students based off recommendation by relatives or students. So I'll audition, get into the school, and convince Eikner to give my sister a chance."_

 _"You're attending a school with one of the best athletic programs. Jason cannot stop going on about your dreams of going to the Olympics and MMA fighting-and you want to give all that up to join a school on the arts that you don't even care about?"_

 _Trina shrugged. "Only for a bit. Tori's not paying attention well enough in her classes, she's not making the grades. Mom and Dad are blaming the teachers for not knowing how to teach her, and the teachers think she needs to be held back. She's an excellent performer though, and I just know she'd thrive at HA. I just-I just need to get her in."_

 _"Victoria…"_

 _"Besides I talked to Jason about it already, he understands."_

 _"It's not that. I know your parents paid good money to get you into that school you're in now. You might not be able to go back!"_

 _"Tori's worth it, Mr. Sikowitz." She hugged the picture to her chest and raised her voice a bit. "She's worth it. I have to fight for her, I have to get people to know-to see. Just...I'm going to audition. Vote for me, so I can start building a report with the staff and convince Eikner…"_

 _Sikowitz let out a heavy sigh, defeated. "Fine." He shook his head. "I know my nephew will support anything you do, but I don't approve. This isn't you. You won't like it at this school, they're much different. A different culture."_

 _"I will be fine. It's Tori I'm worried about."_

Trina scoffed at the sound of her counselor's pen tapping the notebook, it brought her back to reality if only for a second. "Give up my dreams and goals? I don't know that I can say I gave up entirely." Miss Wise tugged back the corner of her mouth and gave Trina a skeptical look. She began to speak, but again, Trina's thoughts went away with her.

"And identity, your values, could you really sacrifice who you are just to take care of your sister? Would you truly sacrifice your emotional and mental health for her?"

 _"I don't care," Trina screamed at the goth before her. "I spent too much time, gave up too much to let you scare my sister out of this school." Trina shook her finger at the girl, causing her to jerk back. "If you don't like my sister, fine; but at least try to fucking get along with her."_

 _"She put her hands on my boyfriend. I think I have a right to pick on her."_

 _"Pick on me, damn it!" The girl raised an eyebrow. "Tori's different, she's always been different." She lowered her voice and put her hands to her chest. She had to protect her little sister at all costs. She knew the world could be tough, and Tori already had trouble with friendships and even her own family. "I will give anything, do anything to let her have a chance to have some friends here and to have a good life. I will kneel down and kiss your fucking shoes if I have to." Trina grumbled a bit and took a deep breath. "Screw it, I won't beg. I can wipe the floor with you if I wanted to, but I won't. Do not pick on my sister, if you have to go after someone, go after me."_

 _"I'd rather you didn't." The girl smirked and shrugged. "But fine, you want me to pick on you instead, go for it."_

 _As the girl walked away, Trina knew what had to be done. She couldn't trust Jade or her circle of friends to do right by Tori. At the same time, she couldn't just force them to accept her into her group. "I'll find a way to keep watch if I have to." She could forcefully insert herself into their group, but it would mean some serious acting on her part._

"Maybe," Trina muttered, "Maybe I had to pretend to obsess over fame just so I could insert myself into their group every now and then." She leaned forward, her eyebrows rising as she put her hand to her chest. "But I had to do what I had to. For Tori. To protect her. I had to make them think that I was some crazy diva so they wouldn't accuse me of spying or hovering over her."

Miss Wise tapped the pen in the air, sighing with disapproval. "We call that helicopering, and usually associate that to parents. Not siblings."

"I had to, and it paid off. They treat her like a friend now. She goes to them about everything."

"Yes, but to my understanding, she puts you down constantly doesn't she?" Trina bit her lip and looked away. "Even she believes you're a crazed diva." Wise placed her hand down on the notebook and leaned forward. "I start to wonder, do you know yourself just who you really are?"

She jerked back, slightly offended. "Of course I know who I am. I-"

"And what of happiness?" Her heart came to a sudden stop and she looked away in an instant. "Would you be willing to sacrifice your own happiness, throw away your own future just to take care of your little sister? Would you let it all go up in smoke just for her?"

Her voice started to shake as tears erupted from her eyes. "N-N o…No, I-"

 _Trina clutched a sweat and blood caked rag in her hands, wringing it as she stood outside of Hollywood Arts. It was burning, and the firefighters were having a great deal of difficulty containing the blaze. There was a play that Tori's friends had put on, it drew in a large crowd and everyone was looking forward to seeing it._

 _Mr. Sikowitz stood nearby, his skin pale and face aghast with horror. His entire family had been there in support because he was directing the play; and some of his relatives had yet to emerge from the blaze. Much like him, Trina was waiting with growing anxiety._

 _Tori hadn't come out. When she left with her parents, she noticed Tori frozen in fear. She almost went back when her father yanked her from the building. She was doing everything in her power to try and go back inside, to go save her sister; but even Jason wasn't relenting on that._

 _Then finally, Jason asked her if she needed him to go back in and get Tori. She didn't answer, but her eyes gave it all away. She needed her sister to live. Tori was her world, she'd given up so much so that her sister would have a life. "I'd give up my own life to save her," she found herself saying time and time again._

 _Only this time, she had to wonder. She almost stopped him as he ran into that burning building. She couldn't find the strength to call out to him, to tell him to let the firemen go in._

 _Frozen in fear, she realized that she couldn't decide._

 _She couldn't choose._

 _Who was more important? She knew that answer, or at least, at one point of time in her life she knew the answer. So much of her life had been lived for Tori, could she truly exist or even be considered a person without her?_

 _Time seemed to draw on as she watched the building crumble before her. Smoke darkened the once blue skies and it began to feel as though her own fate hung in the balance. "Come on. Come out of there. Please." Soon, Tori stepped out of the doors and Trina felt an enormous amount of relief and bliss wash over her. "Oh thank god!"_

 _Tori was caked in soot and covered in blood, but she didn't seem overly injured. Tori looked at Trina, like a deer in headlights, then the girl started to break, tears spilled over her cheekbones and her hands rose over her mouth._

 _Before she could reach her, Tori pulled away. "What's wrong? Tori? Wha-" Then it hit her as she caught the reflection of her engagement ring in her sister's eyes. The ring that said, once they graduated college, they were going to marry. "Jason. Where's Jason? He went in after you."_

 _She looked at the school, her heart felt as though it were drying up as she watched for his form. When she thought that she saw him, it was only a silhouette of his form, and it vanished on the spot. "No." She dropped to her knees and screamed at the top of her lungs as the rest of the ceiling caved in, blocking the schools exit._

 _"I'm so sorry," Tori cried, "He was right there. He was…he was right there. I would have died. It was going to crash. He-I'm so sorry."_

"I know it's hard to hear," Wise said slowly, "But you cannot live your life through your sister and she can't live your life for you. She won't always be around, and you won't always be able to protect her or guide her. You have to live for yourself, not for another person but for yourself."

"I-I don't know that I can, Miss Wise." Trina chuckled sadly and shook her head. "I've spent so long making sure she'll have something to show for. I don't even know if I know how to live my own life…I-I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I lost him, you know." Miss Wise frowned and gave a solemn nod.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up the subject in such an insensitive way."

"No, it's okay." She let out a sigh. "I love my sister, and I loved Jason. I-I didn't mean for him to go back in there, to go after her. He did that himself, but…but I thought he would come out with her. Instead, some light fixture crashed on him, pinned him down. He pushed her out of the way at the last minute."

"Trina."

"There's something else. I…" Trina reached into her purse and slowly removed a pregnancy test. Miss Wise's eyes filled with shock, then sorrow. "I can't. I can't be pregnant. I-I can't have a baby. I…"

"Why not?"

"Because Jason's _dead_." Her heart broke and she shook her head violently. "Because you're right. Because I've lost my mind. I know I'm not in the right place mentally, emotionally. I can't raise a baby, I can't even take care of myself anymore. I-I can hardly function as it is, waking up every morning, crying because Jason won't answer his goddamn phone." She started to weep, her hand clenched firmly around the positive test. "I don't even blame Tori, I don't hold her responsible."

"It's good to hear. That you don't harbor any resentment towards her."

"How? How can I? I'm the only one left that's still fighting for her."

"I understand." Wise pointed to the test, still speaking calmly. "When did you find out?"

"Just recently. After the fire."

"Oh Trina, I…am so sorry."

Her voice started to crack and she turned her head a bit. "My baby's going to be without a daddy and with a mentally fucked up mommy."

"If you could give it some time. I'm sure you've thought about your options, but you need to know you're not alone."

She scoffed. "I've always been alone. Always. Mom and Dad, you know how they are. They care in their own way, but they're not really there."

"Then what are you thinking? Adoption? Abortion?"

"N-No, I couldn't abort Jason's baby. I couldn't." She moved her hands to her stomach as the rivers dried on her cheeks. "Adoption. That's what I'm thinking. I want my baby to have a chance to be with a mommy and a daddy. That's what I want. I-I know I can't raise it."

"What about your family? Do they know yet?"

"No. I might tell mom, I haven't decided. I'm not telling Tori." Wise furrowed her brow and Trina quickly interjected. "I can't. Tori's in bad shape as it is since the fire, she's actually told me she feels responsible for what happened to Jason. If she knew I was pregnant, if she knew I was planning to give the baby up for adoption…she'd think I was doing it because of her or something. I don't want her to feel guilty over any of that."

"Are you sure?"

"It's my decision." She sniffled and straightened her posture. "And maybe the only decision I'm making for myself right now."

"I'm not so sure that decision is for yourself. Not the way you phrased it. It sounds like you're still trying to protect your little sister."

"So what if I am? What choice do I have this time around? I've lost everything else." She cried out and cupped a hand over her mouth. "I know I'll never be an MMA fighter, or go to the Olympics. You know, I wanted to see the Olympics just once, in person, but Dad was never able to take me…"

"Yes, I know the tale."

"I'm depressed, started believing what they all said about me. That I was worthless, no good at anything-and you know they're right. I couldn't even take care of my own life, how could I ever expect to be a good mother, huh? I couldn't be a good enough daughter, I couldn't be a good enough sister, and I wasn't a good enough girlfriend to tell Jason not to go into that goddamn furnace! I could never be a good enough mother…"

"Don't sell yourself short, though."

"Try, but the problem is I can't find it in me to _believe_." Wise handed her a box of tissues and she graciously grabbed them, applying a tissue to her face. "I deserve all of this. I deserve to be alone-but I'm not really alone, you know."

"How so?"

"…I still have my sister…" Wise arched an eyebrow and Trina screamed out a sob. "Oh god, what's become of my life?"

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So here we see Trina at that crucial moment around the time of the fire which is a big part of the other story, and the events revolving around Trina's decision to give up the baby. (That child is an important part of _Lessons_ as well). So we know that the plot of this tale is going to revolve around some of that, and around Trina trying to make a life for herself and figure out her place and role in the world. What are your thoughts on the chapter?


	2. A Parent's Concern

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

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Chapter 2 (A Parent's Concern)

Trina sat on her bed, knees curled to her chest and eyes focused on the footboard. Her faded yellow walls bore old family photos and posters of her heroes: MMA fighters, Olympic gold medalists and other famous athletes. The longer they stared at her, the more she could feel them judging her.

"I wonder if it's possible to get post-partum depression _before_ having the baby." She exhaled softly and scraped a finger across her moist cheek.

A knock at her door startled her and she slowly glanced in the general direction. "Trina?" Her mother's soft voice filled her ears, but she kept quiet. "Trina, honey, may we come in? it's just…your father and I are a little worried about you." She scoffed for a second and looked away, staring at her window.

Her father had boarded it up recently, as if it would stop her from doing anything if she actually wanted to. "Fine." Her parents opened the door and walked in slowly, with David closing it gently behind them. "Not sure why you're worried all of a sudden."

"You're our daughter, of course we're going to worry about you."

David stepped forward, his arms crossed over his chest. He pressed his lips firmly together and there was a sadness in his eyes. "Especially when your counselor calls for a suicide watch on you." He made his way forward and sat at the foot of the bed. "Do you want to talk to us about that? I know it's been difficult, losing Jason and all your classmate." She extended her arm over her knees and frowned deeply.

"I should have done more. I should have been more selfish, but no one would let me go in after Tori."

"It sound selfish to say, but I didn't want to lose _both_ of my daughters."

"Both? The favorite would have lived anyway." Her parents hesitated and shared a look with each other, their expressions softening a bit. Holly gently rubbed Trina's arm and her eyes went misty.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. We _never_ wanted to be the type of parents that had a favorite, and we don't, it's just-"

"I know." Trina rolled her eyes and waved her hand a bit in the air. "Tori was born with a lot of medical and health problems. It's a miracle she made it past infancy, but she still had various issues like breathing trouble up until she was six. She still can't swim, bruises easily and couldn't focus on her studies in school. So basically shroud her in a protective bubble and deny there's anything wrong with her while giving her everything she wants on a silver platter."

Holly started to sniffle and the mist in her eyes turned to heavy tears. The woman's hands began to shake and she stammered as though trying to find the right words. David shut his eyes and cleared his throat. "Holly, sweetheart, I think I smell the chicken burning downstairs." Holly leaned her head back and scrunched her nose.

"What?"

"Would you go check on dinner?"

Holly sulked and slipped out the door slowly. David seemed to wait for the door to close behind her, watching it carefully. Trina gazed up at her father, curious what he was going to do or say. After a few seconds, he uncrossed his arms and let out a heavy sigh. "Something you must understand about your mother. It kills her, every day, that we've had to give so much attention to your sister. It didn't start out as a habit, but it became that way because we had to keep such an eye on Tori when she was little. She worries, more than she needs to even now and she feels horrible about not being there for you more often. She is trying to be better about it, but you could try giving her the benefit of the doubt."

"I know." She bowed her head and shrugged. "I guess I just feel a bit like the ugly stepsister or something." David chuckled and lifted his head upright. For some reason she always found it easier to talk to her father, even though he could sometimes be harder on her than necessary. "You haven't done much to change that."

"I know. I know I've said and done things that weren't appropriate; and a lot of things I said were intended as a joke, but poorly timed."

"Oh?"

"Like that little puppet game those boys put on a few years ago." Trina raised an eyebrow as her father gently rubbed her knee. She'd almost forgotten about that, it seemed so long ago now. "I still remember that. I didn't like they were messing around with you, and I had a stressful day so I was trying to lighten and deflect things with humor, but…it was inappropriately timed and I know it hurt you."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay." David rubbed his hand over his forehead and dropped it down heavily onto his knee. "I know I shouldn't say this because it goes against the whole 'good parents don't choose favorites' thing, but…" He looked around her room, a glimmer of pride in his eyes. "A part of me has always favored you." Her heart stopped and she shook her head in disbelief.

"What?" It fell from her lips in a single breath and her father started to smile.

"Come on. In junior high I tried my hand at football. Didn't like it, became the star baseball player in high school and played on my college team." He thumbed his nose and chuckled dryly. "I have two kids. One of which grew up with health issues, always being watched and supervised for fear of pricking a fucking finger while the other one was adventurous, always getting into trouble and getting into scrapes she had no business getting into." Trina started to chuckle, feeling a small amount of pride swelling in her heart. "An athlete like her father, she could swim like a damned fish. You remember when you were in grade school, playing volleyball with the other kids in gym class?"

"Yeah…" They were almost scared of her, she played close to an android, hitting those balls with such force the ground almost shook. "They exaggerated a little bit. I think I knocked out a kid on the other team once, but hey, they shouldn't have stepped where the ball was going to land!"

David laughed heartily and scratched his chin. "One of the proudest moments of my life, don't tell your mother that, is when I get a call from your couch that says 'your daughter just spiked a volleyball into one of the kids on the opposing team'." He laughed heartily and shook his head. "I wasn't sure what you were doing when you decided to leave that school to attend Hollywood Arts, I knew you weren't interested in all of that…"

"Is that why you never approved? You said I wouldn't be any good, I thought-"

"I know what I said, and I know how it came across. I didn't mean for it to come across as a hit to your confidence. It wasn't your passion, how can you be good at something that you don't enjoy?" He looked to the ground, his brow furrowing. "Now, I thought that all these years it was just that school making you unhappy. That school, those kids…for whatever reason you were acting in such a way that I didn't understand-but now I'm wondering. It's been two years since you've finished your time there…but you're still unhappy. Why? Something's going on, and I know you don't want to talk to me, but…if it reaches you, I do care. Your mother too. It's just been hard to show it."

"It's complicated, Dad. I'm not really sure I'm ready to talk about things."

"I understand." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I really liked that boy. Jason. I thought, I thought he was perfect for you. I didn't think much about him when I first met him, but only because I didn't want to think about my little girl with a man…" Trina smiled gently and her heart began to beat, seemingly for the first time again. "For what its worth, I'm going to miss him."

"He…I hope I didn't take him for granted." She hugged her legs closer to her chest and felt fresh tears draping over her cheeks. "I've focused so much of my time and energy on Tori that…I don't know….You know he ran back into that fire because of me? Because I couldn't go in myself, I couldn't save her. Everyone was so focused on stopping me from charging in there that he was able to slip in." She hesitated and lifted her gaze to her father. "Did I send my fiancé to his death, Dad?" Her voice broke and she began to whimper. "Did I kill him to save my little sister's life?"

David didn't respond for a few seconds, contemplating. "I don't think so." He reached over, giving her knee a gentle pat. "I think he was doing what he thought was best. Maybe he didn't think the firefighters were going to be able to find her in time, maybe he saw how worried you were and just wanted to be the one that brought her out to you."

"Maybe…"

"He died a hero, and that's the best way you could possibly remember him. Don't let it weigh too heavily on you. I don't have to be a police officer to tell you the lengths that I would go through to protect those that I care about. If your mother had asked me to dive into that blaze, I would have. I had to be there for her, she was terrified enough and felt like she'd just barely managed to have you come out alive."

"I understand…"

"You know, you've always been the healthy one. We've never had to watch over you, we've never had to worry that the smallest sneeze could result in some catastrophic problem. You could scrape yourself up a thousand times and come out in tip-top shape…just because we didn't have to baby you like we did Tori doesn't mean we loved you any less; it means we didn't have to be afraid something horrible would happen to you. But, in some ways, it feels like as a father I wasn't there in times I should have been…"

"I brought it on myself."

"What do you mean?"

She buried her head into her knees and muttered. "I did." She closed her eyes and shrugged. "I told Jade. Long ago. I told her to pick on me instead." David raised an eyebrow as she turned her head and pressed her cheek against her knee. "I told Jade I could handle it, that she needed to let Tori try and actually have friends."

"You _let_ that woman walk over you?"

"I had to supervise, I had to watch them without them thinking that I was spying, so…so I acted like an obsessed diva, I pretended to give a damn about singing and acting. I didn't want them to think I was hovering over Tori day in and day out, so…"

David rubbed his knees and leaned forward, shaking his head. "Why would you pretend to be something you're not?"

"I wanted to make sure Tori was happy."

"At the expense of what?" Wrinkles formed between his eyebrows. Trina looked away, her heart sinking a bit. "Trina, can you tell me? I know you love your sister, but why would you let someone actually go so far as to _bully_ you?"

"I-I don't know." She always felt responsible, she knew that much. The way her parents coddled Tori, she felt like she had to protect her just as much, if not more. "Just something that started when I was a kid, I guess."

"I see." David stood slowly and coughed into his hand. "Well, when you're ready to talk about it, you know I'm here." She raised her shoulders and shifted her eyes to the door. Holly poked her head inside and spoke softly.

"Dave? Dinner wasn't burning, but I went ahead and set up the table. So, I'm going to go let Tori know supper's ready. Is everything all right in here?" David walked over to his wife and kissed her on the forehead.

"Give her some time." She nodded as he left the room. Trina stood carefully from the bed.

"Let me go freshen up a bit, Mom. I'll be downstairs in a few."

"Okay honey." Holly started to close the door, but stopped. "I love you, sweetheart." Trina smiled at her and waited as her mother shut the door and descended the steps.

* * *

Okay, so any thoughts here


	3. Seeing another Side

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 3 (Seeing Another Side)

Trina resigned herself to her room most days, not feeling so eager to come out except to eat. It was quiet there, and she could work on her college studies. She did keep tabs on Tori and her friends every now and then. Things were getting rough for all of them, however, as far as she could tell.

The fire hit everyone hard, and as they went into their first year of college, they seemed ready to break apart. Then there was Tori, she seemed to change, and it wasn't for the better. A rift had formed, and Tori only seemed to be growing away from them-she hardly spoke to her own family anymore either. Trina could only assume it was a result of the shock from the fire and witnessing Jason's death; but she had no certainty of that.

As for her, she was just trying to hold on through this pregnancy. Her studies were the only thing helping her to get by, the only thing distracting from everything. She didn't really want to give up her child, but she knew she'd make a terrible mother. She knew she couldn't give that kid a life it needed. She was worthless, and everyone damn well made sure she knew; but nothing proved it more than watching the man she loved vanish in those flames.

There was a brief knock on the door. Trina jolted back in shock, dropping her pen on the desk and glancing over. The only people home right now were Tori and her friends. "Hey, it's Andre." She raised an eyebrow. "I know it's weird, but is it okay if I come in and say hi or something? It's a bit dull downstairs."

She looked at her textbook and notes, then answered with a shrug. "I need a break anyway. May as well." The door opened partially and Andre poked his head in, he smiled gently and glanced at the textbook.

"Hope I'm not interrupting."

"I've been studying in and out, and working out as much as I can. My body and my brain muscles are sore enough as it is." He chuckled softly and entered the room. "Why are you even talking to me? You guys usually stay away from me."

"Well, that's the others; and mainly Jade…everyone else kind of just follows her lead, unfortunately." He blinked twice. "Except for Cat and Robbie, they just don't voice their opinion much. Beck's too wrapped up in all the drama going on with him and his girlfriend to really react."

"That leaves you. You're a follower."

"That I am. Unfortunately." He sighed heavily and sat on the edge of the bed, his hands swept down his face and he looked to the still-boarded up window with curiosity. "What's with that?"

"Don't ask." She spun her chair around fully and crossed her arms. "Dad put it up just after that fire. Been there all summer long, worn out its purpose but he hasn't taken it down yet."

"I hope your parents aren't locking you in the house." He raised his eyebrows, pulled the corner of his mouth into his cheek and hummed. "Tori seems to think they are, says maybe you've gotten crazier or something so they're keeping you inside." Trina laughed out, hurt but intrigued.

"Don't believe everything you hear about me or my parents."

"I try not to. Not anymore, anyway. Someone in that group has to start thinking for themselves, and it might as well be me."

"So." She played at a smirk. "What's going on downstairs that's so dull you felt like coming up to talk to the 'imprisoned psycho girl'?" Andre coughed out a laugh and raised his shoulders.

"Everything. Beck and Jade are caught up in their usual argument-"

"Over, let me guess…" She rubbed her temples, closing her eyes and making a strained look for a second before pushing open her hands. "Another girl." Andre leaned back, laughing and smacking his leg.

"Same old nonsense, yep. Jade thinks he's cheating on her with some girl he looked at, and he's standing his ground. I keep telling them, they need some kind of therapy."

"We all need therapy, Andre. Every last one of us."

"True." He sighed once more and ran his hand through his hair. "Sometimes it feels like Cat and Robbie are the one with their heads on their shoulders." Trina smacked her lips and started to nod. As far as she could tell, those two didn't seem as caught up in all the drama. "Robbie's actually becoming less of the person he was. Growing up a bit."

"That's nice. What are those two up to right now?"

"Downstairs? Cat's on the phone with her roommate, Sam, discussing a babysitting client they're booking. Robbie's studying a book of artwork for his class. He's got a plan already, more than most of us." She hummed and lifted her eyebrow, growing even more curious. "Seems he wants to be an art teacher. I say great, he's always had an appreciation for the arts."

"And what about Tori? She should be keeping you guys entertained."

"She's actually out in the back yard." He poked his thumb over his shoulder and Trina's expression fell flat. "Practicing some of her singing and checking out social media pages for different booking agents. She's trying to become some hardcore celebrity."

"Well, she seemed to think that's what all of you guys wanted to. Wasn't it?"

"Nah." He waved his hand through the air. "Most of them want to teach. I don't mind playing for local joints, but I don't really want to be some major celebrity." It was a surprising admission. "I mean, that incident with Squires, and then the whole thing with Tori when she got discovered that one time; it left a bit of a sour taste in our mouths. Beck already doesn't need a million girls fawning over him, especially since he's _trying_ to make that relationship with Jade work out. Jade saw what Tori was going through with that agent incident and decided she didn't need other people telling her how to behave, what to do, and so on."

"She's never been one for that."

"Exactly." He chuckled softly. "After the whole reality series thing, Robbie and Cat could see how much someone like a Hollywood executive could twist the truth. They see the way some celebrities act and just see that life as a life of lies." He snapped his fingers and grinned. "You ought to hear Cat's rendition of Hillary Duff's _'Dignity'_. She does a damn good job, if you ask me."

"I hear my name?" Someone asked. Trina jerked her head over and saw Cat standing meekly at the door. Her hands were folded at her waist and she raised her eyebrows. "Got off the phone and wondered where Andre ran off to."

"We were just chatting," Andre replied. He stretched out his arm. "I was just telling Trina you do a mean cover of that Hillary Duff song." Cat blushed a bit and shrugged.

"I'm not one to brag."

"Actually." Trina reclined her desk chair and studied the girl closely. She was curious now. "I kind of want to hear it. If you don't mind." Cat stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Okay. I guess." Trina folded her arms across her stomach, relaxing a bit. Andre leaned himself against the headboard of the bed and stretched his legs out over the bed, hanging his shoes off of the sheets.

Cat began the song on a fairly decent note, but as she went into it with growing power, Trina could feel the chills travelling down her spine. Her foot began tapping the ground and she leaned forward, being drawn into the girl's voice.

It was exciting, though not her style of music. When Cat finished, Trina applauded with Andre. Cat did a small bow and had to pull her hair back behind her head on the rise. "That was awesome." Trina flashed a toothy grin, still clapping a couple times. She then rested her arm on her desk and leaned her head to the side. "Are you sure you don't want to go be a singer?"

"Thank you," Cat smiled and then let her expression turn sour, "and no thanks." Cat paused, her eyes travelling to the walls. "I've never been in this room. I just realized that." It wasn't as though Trina ever invited them in. She wasn't sure why she was letting them in now, to be perfectly honest. "I didn't know you were so into MMA fighting."

"What?" Andre raised his hand, and Cat turned her attention to him. "You don't remember that time she kicked our asses? Doped out on that dental medicine, still able to beat the shit out of three men."

"That was something." Cat took a seat on the floor and leaned her back against the wall. "Honestly, I know that night began with Jade wanting to get Tori involved in taking out a couple of those girls at that karaoke place; but the whole thing with Tori wanting to get out of looking after her sister." Cat motioned to the posters. "I always suspected there was something more to everything; but this proves it. I don't see anything in this room that implies anything you were interested in at Hollywood Arts."

She arched an eyebrow and pat the desk with her hand. "Well…"

Andre slipped his hands behind his head, humming softly. "Actually that's true." She glanced to him and drew in a deep breath. "You've always acted like a crazy, obnoxious diva; but only whenever we were hanging out with your sister. I don't think any of us ever actually saw you in apart from those moments."

"Robbie did," Cat replied while rolling her eyes. Trina exhaled and studied the redhead closely. There was a small glimmer of annoyance as Cat crossed her arms and slowly shook her head. "A while back during his stalking phase, as I call it; and a bit into his reporter phase." Trina raised her chin. "He said he stayed a bit after everyone left because he wanted to see what your family was like behind the scenes. He followed everyone, watched how Mr. Vega had to leave family dinner because of a homicide. He saw how Mrs. Vega broke down and cried by herself in the master bedroom. Watched as Tori practiced for a stage play; and then there was you…"

Already amazed by how much intel Robbie may have gained on their family, she couldn't cut Cat off now. "What did he catch?" Andre sat upright, his brow furrowing and head tilting a bit.

"Yeah good question. He never shared any of this with us."

"Only me. Some things he and I talk about are just between us." Cat shrugged and then took another quick breath. "He saw the posters in your room, the workout equipment that is-" She looked around the room and Trina poked her thumb to the walk-in closet her father built some years ago.

"I store that stuff in the closet."

"Okay." Cat scrunched her nose and nodded. "But he said you were talking to your boyfriend on the phone, a boy none of us knew much about. I mean, Tori would have us believe that-"

"That no man would come near me with a ten foot pole." Trina circled her hand in the air and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know, get on with it." She grumbled a bit and Cat reclined, an apologetic look flashed before her eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean any offense."

"It's fine." She smirked at Cat. "You know, that boy was the one you dragged off that one day at Sikowitz's sleepover." Cat's jaw dropped and her hands flew up over her mouth.

"Oh my god! Mr. Sikowitz's nephew?" Cat leaned forward, her voice falling into a panic. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know I was making any moves on someone else's man back then-much less yours. He tried to say-but I didn't let him get a word in or I certainly would-"

Trina laughed and put up a hand. "It's okay." Tears filled her eyes and she smiled briefly. "Actually when that happened, I was flattered. But, moving back to what we were talking about, what else did Robbie say about his findings about me?"

"He said you seemed 'normal', but also scary in a sense. He said something about not really wanting to get into a tussle with you." He may have seen her sparring. "He said you were very athletic and it surprised him that he didn't see any flyers about solo performances or musicals."

"I was never very into that stuff, to be honest." Trina sighed and looked to her desk drawer. Inside was an old application for the school she'd gone to with the superb athletics division. "I was attending this school, learning all the core subjects and taking part in their athletic program. They had the best in the state; but I left that school to go into Hollywood Arts."

Just then, the door, already cracked opened a bit and Robbie poked his head in. "Why in the hell would you do something like that?" Trina threw up her hands and Cat looked over her shoulder, shooting Robbie a scolding glare. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I wanted to see where Cat went off to. Came up here and started to knock, but then heard you guys talking about me, so…"

"So you eavesdropped," Cat remarked with annoyance.

"Sorry. I-I'll go away, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Well you're here now," Trina grumbled, "You might as well. But please, lock the fucking door." Robbie did as asked and took a seat beside Cat. "Is Tori still out back or something?"

"Yes, unfortunately. Beck and Jade aren't even talking right now. Jade's on her phone, and Beck has a pair of headphones on, listening to music."

"Wonderful." Trina rolled her eyes. "Because entertaining my sister's friends was on my plan today." She couldn't help but to crack a smile, since it was nice to have someone to talk to anyway. "And as for your question…Tori wasn't doing so hot in her old school, about to lose a grade because she wasn't understanding the material. I felt like Hollywood Arts would be somewhere she'd thrive, because she always did better when singing."

"So why not get her in the school without sacrificing your own goals?" Trina paused, hearing her counselor's voice in Robbie's. She cleared her throat and shut her eyes.

"At the time, Hollywood Arts was by audition. They were about to go through that brief period of invitation only, and the best way to do that was for a student to recommend someone. I'd just started dating Jason, met him at a martial arts camp, and I knew his uncle extremely well. So…I got Uncle Erwin-I call him that-to vote me into the school so I could get on good terms with Principal Eikner and convince him to pay attention to Tori during one of those performances."

"Wow…" Robbie clicked his tongue and gently brushed his pant leg. "You never went back to that one school?"

"No. It would've been too hard, to expensive and too long of a process. But then, Tori was getting picked on, so I couldn't leave."

Robbie seemed confused, but after a few seconds he sighed and shared a knowing look with Cat. "Jade."

"I told Jade to pick on me. Gave her a reason to by acting like an obsessed diva, and used that as an excuse to always be near Tori whenever Jade was around." Robbie slowly raised a hand over his eyes while Cat shook her head.

"And Jason…" Andre let out a weary sigh and looked at Trina. "He was in that fire. He didn't survive, did he?" Trina grit her teeth and bowed her head, tears were moving slowly along her cheeks now. Her hands tightened around her knees and every tensed muscle in her arms were burning.

After a few seconds, she caught Andre's eyes drifting towards the trashcan next to her desk. She knew what was in there, what he was likely able to see. His face grew more sullen Sand she thought he said a curse under his breath.

"So what major are you declaring?" Andre motioned to her textbook. Trina gently closed the textbook, heaving forth a heavy sigh.

"Athletic training." She didn't know why she was bothering with it, though. She didn't think she was going to be able to do anything with it, she didn't even think she'd be good at it anymore. "I figure I have to have something. Pointless as it seems."

"It's not pointless." Andre stood from the bed and mustered a tiny smile. "I think it's good to have something to focus on."

"Yeah, well. I've been studying night and day, so…I could use a break." She stood up and stretched, groaning softly. "Let's go downstairs. I'll cook some soup for everyone. May as well. That, and try to set something up that'll give you all something to do."

Robbie chuckled at that and helped Cat to her feet. "Yeah, and maybe actually get Beck and Jade to quit shooting daggers at each other for one bloody minute."

"I didn't know Tori was going to be so busy, guys. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Andre replied, "Not your fault _or_ your responsibility." She smiled faintly and he gave her a nod of respect. "Thanks for letting us come up and talk. It was nice." The other two nodded.

"It was great seeing this side of you," Cat added. Trina chuckled softly and guided them out of her room. She didn't think it was a great view of herself to see; but it was a different one for them, that much was true.

* * *

Thoughts? I know the first four chapters are coming fast, but I really just want to get to the hospital point quickly for you guys. The past, as well as the events of _Lessons_ won't get a huge amount of focus, just the crucial moments and some of the backstory like how Trina grew close to the friends. The primary purpose of this tale is a continuation of the future, with Trina forming a relationship with her daughter.


	4. The Hardest Decision

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 4 (The Hardest Decision)

Over time, it seemed Tori was slipping further and further away from her friends and even her family. The girl didn't talk much about it, and neither did anyone else; but everyone could tell. Family dinners weren't the same, as she'd be up and gone the minute she finished her plate. Trina thought she'd become the withdrawn and isolated one, but now she was beginning to wonder.

She remained observant, not wanting to get too involved in all the unnecessary drama; but even Jade was getting upset. Over the winter months, the tension literally grew colder and once again Beck and Jade had separated because of her constant paranoia over him cheating on her.

Trina noticed how much the girl wanted to fix things with him, while at the same time, remaining bitterly angry and resentful at him. It seemed like she wanted to get back at him at the same time. There were several times when Jade would try to ask Tori for help; but Tori refused to help her.

Even going so far as to tell her she didn't have time to fix Jade's problems. Trina was horrified that her little sister would act in such a manner, but she found herself questioning just how much she even cared anymore.

By the time spring was on its way, Trina revealed to her parents the pregnancy. She'd done the best to keep it under wraps, but somehow they already knew. The night she went into labor, she pleaded for them not to wake Tori up and to get her to the hospital. They did, with David breaking nearly every traffic law in the book to get her there.

She held her newborn baby girl in her arms, tears drenched her cheeks as she gazed down at the infant's now slumbering form. David and Holly stood nearby, holding each other. Holly buried her face into her husband's shoulder, weeping as she knew what Trina wanted.

"I love you," Trina whispered to the young child, her heart breaking and voice quivering. "I can't raise you. I can't do it. I…I don't know how to be a mother, I don't even know how to take care of myself anymore." The baby had a pink towel wrapped around her, and her tiny fingers caressed the tip of it. Trina softly kissed the child on the forehead, struggling not to break down in a fit of sobs.

The nurse stood nearby, her head bowed respectfully as she remained silent. "It's just so difficult to do this." Trina sniffed the air, trying to keep her nose from running. She tasted of her salty tears as they entered through her lips and then dripped from her chin. "I'm no good. I-I want you to have a better life, a life I didn't have. I want you to grow up in a home that loves you, with people who adore you. I…I want you to have a mommy and a daddy. I don't think, I don't think I can provide. I'm sorry."

Holly walked towards the hospital bed and knelt beside it. Trina lifted her gaze to her mother and watched as she reached out and gently stroked the child's head. "I only get to be a grandma for a few minutes?" Holly whined for a second and started to cry. "I didn't even know the possibility was there. I-I…" Holly wiped her face and looked at Trina cautiously. "I wish you knew your father and I are willing to help."

"I can't. I don't know if I have the strength anymore."

"Let us…"

"It's fine, mom. I have to do this. As much as it kills me…I know I can't be the mother she needs right now." She wanted so desperately to be that person; but she had no confidence. "I was looking forward, so much, to that life. Being with Jason, raising children together. But…he's gone, and I-I'm not in a very good place emotionally. I can't raise a baby, I just can't."

"But-"

"Momma please, please understand." Trina's voice shook more as she looked her mother in the eyes. She felt as though she were made of glass, and another word or action may well cause her to shatter in a million pieces.

Holly's eyes seemed to shrink and her voice cracked as her words came out in tiny utterances. "I want to be a grandma." Trina smiled sadly.

"There's still Tori."

David rolled his eyes. "If she ever comes off that high horse she's putting herself onto." Holly buried her face into the blanket sheets and Trina gazed down at her daughter. Trina was weary and exhausted, not only from the labor from everything else. The mental strain, emotional trauma, and going nine months knowing she wasn't worth enough to be a good mom.

"I could never be good enough," Trina whispered, "Never could be good enough. I wasn't a good enough daughter, a good enough sister, a good enough fiancé. I couldn't possibly be a good enough mother, they'd probably think me emotionally unfit and take my little girl away in a heartbeat."

"Why do you still think that?" David gripped the railing at the foot of the bed, his body trembling.

"Because no matter what you say, it doesn't change the fact. I grew up alone, even though you were there." Her voice was akin to her mother's now, to the point she was trying to speak slowly and quietly so as not to raise alarm or cry out. "I…I felt like it was my duty to take care of Tori because you both were always watching her, no matter what. She was a delicate flower, I was chopped liver. That's how I felt growing up." She shook her head. "It didn't matter that I asked Jade to pick on me, she didn't have to say things like 'no one likes' me or that I was worthless for me to already feel like that."

"We're sorry." David put his hand to his chest. "I'm sorry."

"I never want Rachel…" She paused, gazing down at her baby with a tiny smile. "That's her name. Rachel. For my grandma." Grandma Rachel had always been the one to show the most love, she never picked favorites and was always wonderful to talk to. Every time Trina visited her, she was showered with cookies and stories. It broke her heart when she passed away, the last of her family to make her feel like she truly belonged.

David smiled sadly and bowed his head. "That's a beautiful name." Trina nodded in agreement and raised her head upwards, taking several deep breaths and holding the final one.

"God. It's killing me. I-I'm scared, I'm scared." She turned her attention to the nurse, her chest aching. "Promise me you'll make sure she gets a loving home." The nurse tried to smile, but only nodded.

Holly reached for Trina's arm, leaning forward. "I tried," she cried, "I tried so hard to be better. I didn't want to focus all on Tori, I didn't mean for it to come across-I just had to make sure she was healthy. I did love you, I loved you both. Trina, I'll be better. I'll be better."

"This isn't about you or Dad, mom. It's not about Tori either. This is about _me_." She was getting irritated by her mother's pleas, they only made it harder on her. "I'm depressed, I don't have a job, I don't have any means of raising this little girl or being mentally present. I _know_ when I can't handle something…" Trina sniffled again and looked down to Rachel. "Now I love my daughter, I love her with all my heart; and the only thing I know to do is to do what is best for her. She can have a better life, a whole home and family; not a screwed up mother that can barely cope, a dead father, and an Aunt that's slowly separating herself from the world. I don't want her to have a messed up family, I don't want her to grow up feeling neglected or to go through the things that I've gone through…"

"I understand." Holly leaned back as David placed a hand on her shoulder. "I just wish, I wish you'd think about it more."

"I had nine months to think about it, Mom. I've obsessed over it every day." She scoffed and shut her eyes. "Do you realize that there were times I'd go to the store, or sit in class, and have someone ask about my pregnancy-and realize that once Jason was dead and I was going to put her up for adoption, they'd tell me I should just have an abortion? Some people just pushing their agenda on me? In the end of the day it _is_ my decision, and this is the choice I'm making."

David leaned down, speaking softly to his wife. "She is right. Let's give her a moment, Holly." Holly nodded, using him as leverage to pull herself to her feet. He guided his trembling wife out the door, leaving Trina with the baby in her arms.

Rachel was awake now, her eyes open partially. She made a soft cooing sound that shattered Trina's already fragile heart and demeanor. Trina slowly reached over, pulling Rachel's blanket up to the child's chin. "I love you little one, please know that." Her eyes drifted towards the end table beside the bed, where the small stuffed gingham dog, that she had as a child, rested. "I want to give you something, something you'll always have from me. She took care of me growing up, and her purpose is done now…"

She watched the nurse pick up the dog carefully and set it on the cart beside her. "Please." Trina peered down at her baby, chuckling at the now inquisitive look on her face. "Please don't ever look back and hate me, don't think that for a second I didn't want you. I want you to be in my life…so much…" She ran a finger under her nose and started to sob. "But I don't deserve you, and you deserve better than me." She gasped out. "Oh god. God you deserve better."

She pulled Rachel closer, hugging her close to her breast for a few seconds before she began to weep. After a while, the nurse gingerly took Rachel into her arms. The moment she felt the weight of her baby leave her, she let out a loud wail and dropped her arms beside her body.

Her breath quickened and her heartbeat stopped as her eyes caught the nurse leaving the room. It seemed to grow darker than before, as though storm clouds were forming within the building itself. "What have I done?" She shook her head slowly, still crying out. "What have I done?"

She stayed in recovery for another day, so her body could heal from the labor. She was surprised to see Andre swing by for a visit. It was a hell of a time for one, since her hair was a matted mess and her face was red and swollen. Her eyes were sore as hell and she could barely move. "What are you doing here, Andre?" She sighed. "Don't take that badly."

"It's okay, I understand." He took a seat and looked around the room. "Well, it's definitely a ward, but not one for psychotic breakdowns." Trina wanted to laugh, but her body was too weak and her voice too raspy.

"Who says I didn't have one?"

"No one, I suppose." He shrugged. "Tori seems to think you had a mental meltdown or something."

"Good, let her think that." Andre pursed his lips, then frowned. He gave a solemn nod. "She's gone, Andre. My baby…I-I hope she'll have a better life than I did."

"I get it. I hope she has a good family too."

"You know what?" She let out a sad chuckle and tried to lift her hand, but dropped it back down. "I hope she's an only child. God forbid she has a sibling that is the center of attention and everything else."

Andre walked over and gently pat her forearm. "Yeah, I hear you." He let out a sigh and shrugged. "I wish I got to know my siblings a little bit better." She huffed and looked his way.

"You had siblings?"

"I did. Once. Lost them when I was a kid, long story. For another time."

"Sorry."

"It's all right." Andre crossed his arms. "Cat and Robbie want you to know they're thinking about you."

"Where are they?"

Andre looked away and chuckled. "On a date." She raised her eyebrows as he glanced back. "So. How did your parents handle you giving up your baby?"

"Mom took it hard. I understand why. She's…She's going through a lot. She really wants to be a grandma before she dies. I know that's part of it." He furrowed his brow and cocked his head to the side. Trina let out a heavy sigh and shook her head. "Mom's a nurse, she is familiar with blood diseases and always has taken the best precautions; but you can never be completely perfect."

"True. Is she sick?"

"Yeah." Trina's voice grew grim and she glanced off to the side. "I'm not the only one that doesn't want Tori to worry about things; but it happened a couple months ago. Mom was cleaning up after a HIV positive patient and pricked her finger. So…you can imagine. It's hard. I haven't really thought much on it, being pregnant and losing Jason; but yeah, it's not easy to stomach. If I…if I didn't think so poorly of myself, if I thought I could be the mother Rachel needed in her life, I would have clung to her and Mom would have a grandbaby."

"Well…it sucks to say, but there's always Tori. Or, even you if you ever decide to-"

"I'm not even ready to start thinking of someone other than Jason. Thinking of having another child is even further out. I just gave up my daughter."

"I know, and I wasn't trying to be insensitive."

"I know what you meant." She smiled sadly. "Thank you though." He gave her a nod of respect. "Keep all this between us, okay? I know Cat and Robbie are aware of the pregnancy; but I never told Tori. Beck and Jade probably don't know either, do they?"

"No, they don't. Everything's between us."

"Thanks. I don't know if I could take whatever insult Jade might throw my way about that one."

"She's getting better at that, you know. Not much, but there's some improvement…I think whenever you're ready, she'll be willing to take a chance on you for who you are."

"With respect, I don't even know who I am." She paused for a second, looking down at the foot of the bed. "Did I…did I do the right thing, Andre?"

"I can't answer that one." He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "I will say, you got to figure out how to live for yourself first and be happy with who you are."

"I don't know if I can do that. Who I am isn't who I wanted to be, who I wanted to be would hate who I am; and I don't even know who I am anymore or who I can be." She tucked some hair behind her hair and chuckled. "Does that sound complicated and confusing as hell?"

He shrugged. "No more, no less than some of the things I've seen and wondered myself."

* * *

There it is, the most emotional point of her life perhaps. We know how she'll end up, so perhaps we should see a bit of how she gets there.


	5. Misery Loves Company

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 5 ("Misery Loves Company")

With the passage of only one month, Trina still felt as though she'd aged several years. She knew she wasn't the same, the world wasn't the same; and hell, nobody was the same after the fire of Hollywood Arts. She wasn't blind, everyone from Jade to her own sister had changed since the fire. Though, the changes seemed on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Where Tori was withdrawing from everyone and appeared to be fading away into a world all her own, Jade seemed to be trying to cling to everybody. She suspected there was something more to Jade's change than just clinginess though; and while she didn't want to be the person to talk to her about it, she just knew Tori wasn't going to do it.

Beck found it strange that she was actively seeking the girl out; but no one else knew where she was and he could only speculate. When she searched around, she found Jade sitting on a bench across the street from what used to be Hollywood Arts. The school now looked like a demolition site, with only ruined walls remaining of it.

Jade was hunched over, her face buried in her hands and her hair falling down around her. Her body trembled violently and the closer Trina got, the more she could hear the soft weeping coming from the girl.

She took a deep breath and calmly approached. The sky was cloudy, and there was a very light drizzle coming down. "You're going to get a cold," Trina said with almost no emotion. Jade didn't raise her head and only sniffled.

"What do you care? What does anyone care?"

Trina sat down beside her and looked up to the sky, sighing as the light rain bounced off her cheeks. "Well. I guess that's the reason I'm here. Everyone's pulling away from each other, and usually my sister's the one trying to patch things up…"

"Your sister can go screw herself." She leaned back, sucking in the air and closing her eyes. She was going to let that one slide because she knew just why Jade was upset.

"I know it seems fake coming from me, but I mean it; if you need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen. I'm not the diva you think I am."

"Tori's the one that seems fake right now." Jade threw her head up, letting out a loud sob. "Telling me basically to go screw myself. I needed her help! She's always helped me fix things with Beck before, and this time…" Jade shook herself and wrapped her arms around her body. "This time I really screwed things up." The girl started to rock forward, bringing the heel of her hand to her forehead. "God, Beck is going to hate me so much."

"Why would he hate you? What did you do? If you don't mind me asking…"

Jade threw her hand down to her knee. She seemed so distraught that she had to get whatever it was off her chest, it didn't matter who was listening. Trina could see that, she'd been where Jade was right now. "I-I cheated on Beck." Trina's eyebrows shot up and her lips parted. Jade scoffed. "I was just so angry at him, I thought for sure he was cheating on me-like I always do, of course." The girl rolled her eyes and started beating her hand against her head. "Stupid, stupid, why do I always screw things up with my stupid paranoia!"

"Okay!" Trina reached over, placing a hand on Jade's wrist to keep her from hitting herself any further. "So you cheated on him? Why?"

"I wanted to hurt him, to make him feel as jealous and upset as I was." Jade crossed her arms and sniffed. "But I didn't expect things to get that far." Trina's lips pursed and she furrowed her brow. "I went to this stupid college party with upperclassmen, met a guy and we got to talking. He was an athlete, super nice, and I started flirting with him. Eventually we got drunk and…well…"

"Oh Jade…."

Jade gasped out. "It was consensual, I mean, I didn't object. It just happened. One thing led to another…" Trina nodded slowly. Her hand closed gently as she looked across the way. She wasn't sure how she should respond, and chose silence so the woman could continue without someone asking a million questions of her. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all this."

"You need someone to talk to." She kept her voice calm and quiet, so as not to disturb the moment. "I've been there plenty of times, only I rarely ever had someone to unload on. Clearly you need someone to let you do that, so I'm willing to be that person. Even though we don't like each other…"

Jade was startled, then she began to tremble. "I-Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Trina studied the school building, and for a brief moment she thought she could make out someone still standing amidst the wreckage. "If you really look at it, it almost looks that that school is still burning." Jade looked across the street, her lip pouting out a bit.

"We lost so many people that day; but I think all of us died a little." Trina nodded and the two girls stared at the school for what felt like the longest time. In the corner of her eye, Trina could see Jade looking down and fidgeting with the edge of her shirt, rolling it around her fingers and folding it over. "Trina, if you don't mind me asking you something?"

"Go ahead."

"I'm not an idiot, you know. I don't think you're at all the crazy diva you pretend to be, especially because that wasn't even who you were when you were threatening me to leave your sister alone whenever we first met." Trina chuckled dryly and turned her head, looking more fully at the girl. Jade had a solemn look on her face and was studying her in earnest. "Even now. So. Why the charade? Why the games?"

"I had to protect my sister." She looked upwards, closing her eyes as the slow drizzle massaged her skin. With a deep breath, she thought about the various reasons for her prior behavior. They seemed endless. "I wanted to watch without anyone realizing I was. Had to give you a reason to target me." She opened her eyes and shrugged once again. "There's a lot of reasons, but above all, I felt it was something I had to do."

"Why though? Why were you so obsessed with taking care of Tori? She doesn't even seem to care about you."

Her words were crushing, but she understood where Jade was coming from. "I guess it's something from when I was a kid." She tucked a strand of hair over her ear and let out a heavy sigh as she remembered diving into the ocean after Tori.

The memory was so vivid, as if she were right there; and Tori directly in front of her. Four years old, it looked like the girl was falling with her arms and legs stretched out above her. The crystal blue waters shimmered around them, with the sun rays looking more like electric waves than anything else.

The image of her parents' horrified faces flashed before her, her mother's scream seemed to be the only sound that echoed and reverberated off the air alone.

Wiping the stream of water coming from her hair away from her eyes, Trina quickly cleared her throat. "I've always looked after her. I felt like it was my responsibility, my duty to make sure she'd be okay, at all costs." She returned her gaze to the school, wincing as it seemed to be engulfed in flames once more. She could almost see him standing there now, his arm outstretched and body vanishing in the smoke and embers. "I…gave up so much for her. Even what I didn't want to give up, I lost."

Jade smacked her lips a bit and glanced back at the building. "Seems we're both pretty messed up, huh." Trina raised an eyebrow and cracked a small smirk.

"I don't know about you, but I'd say I'm pretty screwed up. Even pretending to be some crazed drama queen-which now, I don't care about. Not anymore. I can't act that way anymore, as much as I want to, or I don't…"

"Beck and I were just talking about how you weren't coming around anymore. With how you are about Tori, I would have thought-"

"I want to." More than anything, she wanted to be out there and watch over Tori as she always had; but recent events kept her from leaving her room on many occasions. "It seems like we're not so different as we think."

"How so?"

"Because you always act tough when you're not, you've got a lot of fears and insecurities burning inside of you; but you won't tell anyone, not even Beck." Jade closed her left hand and bit her lip, her eyes started to glaze over. "I think if you did talk to Beck about some of those things-"

"He doesn't want to talk to me. He ignores me because half the time he thinks I'm just shouting about the latest girl that I think he's fawning over." Jade scoffed angrily and looked off to the side. "He's not wrong. I don't know why I'm like that…so jealous, so paranoid and angry."

Trina chuckled. "I know a pretty good therapist, actually." Jade furrowed her brow and leaned back a bit. Trina laced her fingers together and the two of them stared at the ruins before them for what felt like an eternity. "You need to talk to him, though." Her eyes dropped down a bit. "Don't leave anything unsaid. You never know when that paranoia could end up killing him or cause you to lose him forever."

"What do you mean?"

"My fiancé." Jade's mouth dropped open for a moment, then she closed it, giving a slow nod. "I loved him, and he loved me. He was the only person who could make me feel secure, safe, like I was actually worth something. Like I meant something." She stretched out her arm, holding up her hand for a bit. "I didn't have to keep someone alive to make him happy, you know." Jade raised an eyebrow and Trina let her hand drop. "I mean…" She bowed her head and bit back on a sob.

She could still smell his scent everywhere, and still could feel his very touch on her skin. "Not a day goes by that I don't think about him." Jade looked away and sniffled.

"I'm like that with Beck. You know, whenever he holds onto me and we're not fighting, I feel like everything's right with the world."

"That's how it was."

"So, what happened?"

"I happened, or I guess I didn't, I don't know." She took a deep breath and moved her back against the back of the bench. She moved her right hand over her trembling forearm and gripped it firmly. "At the fire. I was trying everything I could to make sure Tori was safe. I wanted to go in there, pull her out-she'd been standing in the same spot she was before everything started." It felt like an earthquake were overcoming her, and he voice was cracking every few seconds. "No one would let me back inside. Jason…saw an opportunity, he saw how distressed I was, and he ran in."

Jade moved a hand to her chest and looked out at the school. "No," she whispered, "God."

"I wasn't able to stop him, I wanted to call him back but I couldn't. I just stood there, waiting for him to bring Tori out, to bring her to me." She ran her fingers across her face, trying to wipe away her tears. "Tori came out. He…He died saving her."

"I'm so sorry, Trina." Jade shook her head slowly. "I really mean that. I know I was always so mean to you, and essentially everyone else; and I know I need to work on that. I'm really sorry." Jade let out a huff, her eyes scanning the air. Trina watched her closely with a tiny smile. "I didn't know you even had a boyfriend. I mean, all the things I used to say-Trina, I…I'm a horrible person."

"No. You're not. You just have something going on with you. We all do…and I think after the fire, that's coming out. It's changed everyone, you know." Jade frowned at her. "I mean Tori's becoming more withdrawn into a world of her own. _Andre_ is becoming the laid-back mild-mannered guy with his head on his shoulders." Jade laughed once and wiped a tear from her eye.

"That's true. You know he keeps telling me and Beck that we ought to give you another look?" Trina felt her heart rise a bit from the muck and she smiled gently.

"That's nice of him."

"Yeah, a bit reminiscent of Beck whenever we first met Tori. Maybe not the same intention."

"I think it might be." Jade's brow furrowed and Trina leaned her head to the side. "Remove your girlfriend blinders for a moment, push down on that insecurity inside of you and look at the situation from the perspective of an outcast or somebody else. Tori was coming into your circle, she was a new student and had no friends. Beck was the only one trying and willing to be a friend to her."

"So he kept telling us, or me-" Her eyebrows bounced and she leaned away. "-to be nice to her and be a friend. He was always that way, though. I loved that about him." Trina closed her eyes and her smile grew a bit more. "I mean, it was how _we_ met. He had to be the guy to befriend the friendless, the downtrodden, the outcasts." Jade laughed once. "Hell, he even met Andre that way when Andre was standing by himself outside their school-same place as always-looking like he wanted to punch something. All the other kids were scared of him, intimidated by him-"

"By Andre?"

"Yeah." Trina jerked her head back and hummed a bit, trying to picture that moment. "Beck walked right up to him, put his hand in front of him and said 'hi, I'm Beck, want to grab lunch?'" Jade started to grin, swaying from side to side. "With everyone in junior high picking on Robbie because of that puppet, Beck was the one to shoo them away and sit down at Robbie's table during one lunch hour. Then Cat was this shy and timid little girl that seemed to jump at every little thing…Beck and I brought her in."

"So, what you're saying is, Tori shouldn't have been any different. Why was she different?"

Jade rubbed her arm and looked away momentarily. "You know what happened. During Sikowitz's class. The whole reason I started picking on her."

"Yeah." She still had trouble picturing Tori as that vindictive of a person, but maybe it was just an early sign of something big coming down the line. Tori should have known better than to simply kiss another woman's man just to spite them. "She shouldn't have done that."

"I mean, I'm sorry, but did no one teach that girl how to handle social situations properly? Rules, respect, _boundaries_ you don't cross?"

Trina's eyes opened a bit wider and she curled her lips to the side. "Um…" She scratched her head a bit. As far as she could remember, her parents were so obsessed with trying to make sure every small papercut wouldn't kill Tori somehow, they didn't have time to let her have an actual childhood. "I hate to say it, but probably not." Her teeth chattered for a second and she let out a heavy sigh. "And what was I doing? Hovering over her, trying to keep her safe."

"Pretending to act like a crazy diva, which only made her talk shit about you. You could have been trying to teach her some of those social graces, I'll bet. You've never given two shits about acting or dancing. I did my research on you when we first met, I know what you were into."

"Huh?"

Jade's expression and voice fell flat. "Again, I'm not an idiot." Trina's head bounced for a moment. "I just didn't _care_. And at that time, I was so ready to just let loose on you because you were letting me. Even knowing that you could, probably, literally kick my ass; but you were _letting me do it."_

"True. On both counts. Jason could never understand why I let you bully me. My dad only just found out, and he can't understand it."

"And neither can I." Jade hugged her stomach and slowly shook her head. "I love Beck, you know. I let my anger, my paranoia and jealousy cloud my judgment. I know the way he's acting now isn't normal, he's become bottled up since the fire. He's not talking to anyone, just puts on his headphones and tunes everything out. It's not good…"

"Andre said you two were broken up now; but are you officially broken up?"

"Not completely, I mean we kind of are but we haven't said it. I'm scared that what I did will make me lose him forever."

"You had a very bad moment, that's true. Tried to get back at him for something that-"

"I imagined." Jade scoffed angrily. "I need help. I really need help, Trina."

She snapped her fingers and reached into her purse. "Hang on." Jade leaned over, peering down at the purse that Trina was rifling through. "Let me give you something that may help things for you and between you and Beck that might be a better asset than Tori could ever have been when she patched you two up over a song and a dog that chewed up Beck's father." Jade chuckled nervously and began scratching her arm.

"What is it?"

"This." Trina pulled out a business card. It was tan and hand red, cursive lettering. "Lisa Wise, she's a licensed counselor and one of the best."

"Think she'll be able to help me?" Jade took the card gingerly and started to examine it. "I don't think I've ever had counseling before. I mean, there was Lane; but he's a school guidance counselor…just as great, but not the same. Then my father's a psychologist, but he's also my father."

"Give her a call. Go see her. Even if it's only one time."

"I…I will." Jade froze for a moment, her eyes drifting to the side. "There's something else I didn't mention earlier. Something else scaring me. Something, that everyone is telling me to do and I don't know if I want it."

"What is that?"

"That guy at the party." Jade closed her eyes and started to shake. "I'm pregnant." Trina's heart stopped and the two stared back at each other in silence. Jade finally spoke again, her voice breaking into a whine. "I'm scared. Dad says I should have an abortion because it was a one night stand. I don't know if I want to do that. I don't want Beck to hate me; but if he knew-"

"You need to talk to Beck." Trina reached over, gently patting Jade's hand. "As for what people are telling you to do, you need to focus your attention on yourself. What do you want? It's your life, your choice."

"What if I make the wrong decision?"

Her heart jumped to her throat, choking her as she thought about her own child. "You could always give the baby up for adoption if it came to what you felt was best for that child. I…" She shook herself, her tears were returning to her face and Jade's expression was growing more solemn. "You should talk to Beck first. Because whatever you decide to do, he might want to know."

"I'm scared."

"Want me to be there when you do talk to him?"

"Would you? I know things between us aren't great, but…but I could use someone to fall back on if everything blows up."

"Sure." Trina took a deep breath. "And for what you decide to do with your baby, when that time comes, you don't have to face it alone." Her voice was growing softer and Jade looked at her with a perceptive expression.

"Something's different. You…Your whole demeanor just changed a little."

"I know." She pulled her hand away and exhaled. "Because I had to make a decision myself about a month back." Jade's eyes grew large. "I was pregnant. So, I understand you when you say you're scared or that you don't know what to do. Jason was dead, I didn't have anyone I could trust or count on, and I know mentally and emotionally I can't be there for my daughter…so I had to give her up. I want her to have a loving home with a mom and a dad; and _maybe_ a sibling."

"Oh my god." Jade started to cry and reached over, giving Trina a quick hug that caught her off guard. It was a bit out of the ordinary for Jade; but then, there was nothing ordinary about any of the circumstances surrounding any of them.

She pulled away after a few seconds and wearily rose from the bench. "Talk to Beck. I have a suspicion, like you said earlier, he's going through some trauma from the fire as well and isn't actually ignoring you because of anything you're doing. The man is probably screaming inside, maybe he's trying to find direction too."

"Maybe. Yeah, maybe you're right." Jade stood slowly and turned with Trina to look at the ruined Hollywood Arts. The rain had ceased, and all was quiet except for an owl hooting from somewhere in the distance. "Thank you, Trina…for talking with me. You didn't have to."

"Beats wallowing in my own self-pity for a day."

Jade chuckled. "I guess the saying's true." Trina glanced over, her eyebrows rising an inch. "Misery loves company." Jade sighed heavily. "Nothing's ever going to be the same, is it? For any of us. I used to love fire, but now I hate it. It destroys everything in its path, whatever it doesn't kill, it burns and scars forever."

"Maybe." She cocked her head to the right. "Andre mentioned something to me recently; and what you were saying earlier about how you and Beck met everybody, reminded me of what he said."

"What's that?"

They met each other's gaze and Trina spoke his words softly. "Every single one of us had messed up issues long before Hollywood Arts burned down; but it took the fire to wake us up."

"What does that mean?"

"Not sure. Maybe the fire was both good and bad. Everyone's so self-aware now. Everything's changed, and some dormant issues are taking root, like whatever's going on with Tori, or whatever is happening with Beck, while it's made other people realize they need to fix their own problems somehow. Fire can be just as cleansing as it is destructive; but I'm like you on this one…all it seems to be is destructive."

* * *

Seems Jade and Trina had a good talk, the first real talk between those two and likely not the last. Jade's going to get some help, perhaps that will be a good thing. For those who've read _Lessons_ , it must be nice to see the points where Trina actually started to befriend or associate with Tori's friends that became so close to her in the future. But by that token, must be sad to see the beginning of Tori's slipping away. Though certainly, the fire of Hollywood Arts was the a crucial moment in all their lives. Whether or not it was the cause of everything stands to be debated, but it's definitely a turning point. And may I be the first to say "Damn you, Barbara and Hudson"`


	6. The Drowned Rock

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 6 (The Drowning Rock)

There was something to be said of people who made it a goal to help and befriend everyone else. Some just genuinely are that empathetic and want to be a friend to everyone while some needed the most help themselves and were truly lonely, therefore surrounding themselves with other people. Beck fell into one of these two categories, and Trina was concerned that it was the latter of the two. In such a case, shutting all his friends out as he seemed to be doing could cause him a greater deal of grief than he was prepared for.

So along with Jade, Trina enlisted the help of his oldest and dearest friend, Andre. Perhaps they could get him to open back up.

If he was genuinely lonely, then Trina could understand that. Perhaps even his girlfriend could, since there was a reason the pair always went back to one another.

Walking up to his trailer, Trina could hear music coming from within. Astonishingly, it was a hard rock anthem, which was not something she pictured the usually calm and mellow Beck listening to. "Do you hear it?" Jade asked. "He's falling apart."

Andre nodded and walked towards the front door. "He's so used to being the one that's 'okay'. He's the leader, he's the strong one, likes to carry the weight of everyone else on his shoulders."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Trina remarked, "He can't be that person anymore and he knows it. That's what I think." Andre and Jade looked to her and she shrugged. "His whole world is crumbling, the very person he tried to be. He's suffering the same tragedy as everyone else and doesn't know how to cope because he's always been helping everyone else overcome their own obstacles and kept ignoring his own. Whatever problems he's got, they're coming out too. I'm sure of it."

Andre and Jade shared a contemplative look, as though trying to reach to the farthest points of their memory to figure out what was going on with him. "You've known him a bit longer than I have," Jade told him, "Did he ever come to you about anything that might have been bothering him?"

"No, we usually talked about my stuff or did something that took our minds off the world for a moment."

"Yeah. He was like that with me too. I thought that chill demeanor was attractive when I first met him. I didn't know he could be deflecting anything."

Trina stepped forward, extending her arm. "Think about it. He lives in a trailer, parked in his parents' driveway. Why does he not just live in his own home?" Also, it made sense what Beck was doing because Trina could feel it too: Focusing on the problems that he and Jade were having took her mind off her own problems. "Talking to you, helping you right now, I'm not even focused on my own problems. Notice how all the people Beck befriended have had obvious and clear issues? He's not just genuinely altruistic, he's got something going on and is surrounding himself with friends and people that literally keep him from focusing on those issues."

Jade gasped and lifted a trembling hand over her lips. "He could be hurting more than any of us, and none of us know it? I'm a horrible girlfriend." Trina chuckled dryly and sighed.

"Yeah well, let's not get into who is a horrible girlfriend and who is just missing a few warning signs."

Andre twisted around partially, extending the palm of his hand while still reaching for Beck's door with his other. "Both of you knock it off. Neither of you are bad girlfriends, you just made some mistakes in life. Everyone does that. I'm not diminishing those mistakes, and I'm not saying the things that happened are at all okay; but what I am saying is…" He looked to Jade, then to Trina, his gaze calming the slow brewing storm within her. "It's not your fault. The men in question only did what they felt was best, it was his decision and his choice. No one has been putting a gun to their heads and telling them what to do, and certainly you didn't."

He cleared his throat and lowered his hand a bit. "Look. Trina. Jason loved you, he would have done everything in his power to make you happy. He saw Tori in danger and he acted as any man would, because he knew how much she meant to you. He didn't anticipate being at death's door, though it was surely on his mind."

"Yeah…"

"But he chose to do that because he didn't want you to grieve for your sister." Andre glanced at Jade. "And Jade, Beck's always been known for being a cornerstone. A rock. If he's suffering, if he was hurting, he probably didn't want to make you-or anyone else-worry for him. He loved you, and still does, and likely didn't want to scare you with whatever's going on. The best thing you can do right now is let him talk, if he wants to talk, and listen. Be there for him."

Jade nodded fervently and took a deep breath, her shoulders rising as Andre turned back towards the door. "I'll try my best."

"Chances are, he needs someone to be his rock right now; but how can he ask any of his friends to do that when that's always been his role? I understand what you're saying, Trina."

Andre firmly knocked on Beck's door and waited for a few seconds before knocking louder. "Hey man, it's Andre out here. Can I come in?" There was no response, and the music wasn't wavering. Looking around, Trina recognized Beck's car in the driveway, so she knew he was in there.

"Try again," she said, "Go in if he doesn't answer again."

He knocked a little louder the third time. "Man I'm concerned about you, if you don't open up I'm going to come inside." Again there was no response, so Andre carefully opened the door. Upon doing so, the music inside seemed to amplify, throwing Trina off guard.

Jade wrung her hands as she walked in after Andre, and Trina slowly tailed them in. Beck was seated on his couch, with a bowl of chips in his lap and a bottle of beer on the end table beside him. Raising an eyebrow, Trina moved towards it. The television was turned off, but the radio beside it was on full blast.

Beck looked disheveled, his hair a tangled mess and stubble growing on his face. As they walked around the couch, they could see him wearing a very loose collared shirt that was stained by various substances, and cut up jeans. His eyes rose and he scanned the three shocked faces before him.

"Shit."

Trina sniffed the air and looked around carefully. "Does anyone else smell smoke?" Jade started to look around, sniffing the air as well until she began to cough.

"God, someone's been smoking in here! Beck?"

Andre walked to the radio, turned it off, then poked his head around to the side of it. "Aha, hidden ashtray with a still burning cigarette." He raised the cigarette up to show it and Jade threw her hands over her mouth.

Trina picked up the half empty beer bottle, clicking her tongue. "I don't know, but I'd say you're still definitely underage." Trina glanced to Jade with a playful smirk. "Want a sip?" Jade retched and shook her hands in the air.

"Don't even joke." Jade grabbed the bottle and began pouring it down the nearby sink. "I won't touch another bottle of beer as long as I live, I swear to god." Beck extended his hand.

"Hey, I'm not done with that."

"Oh you're done with it my man." Andre snuffed out the cigarette. "Done with this too." Beck stood up, his eyes wide in a panic.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry man, but this is for your own good." Andre turned around and smacked a closed fist into Beck's chest, knocking him back to the couch. Beck shouted out and Andre cleared his throat. "Snap out of it, man. You were worrying us before, and now we're really concerned. Talk to us."

Beck ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "That fucking hurt."

"Yeah well, did it wake you up?" Beck shot Andre a quick glare, which broke and softened in an instant. "Sorry to do it man, especially in front of the girls and everything; but you need someone to knock the sense in you. Why are you sitting in your trailer all by yourself, smoking a cigarette and drinking beer? Which, by the way, where did you get it?"

Beck threw his hand forward, his gaze dropping to the floor. "My parents' pantry. Dad has always had a pretty well stocked supply. Usually I go for the stronger stuff."

"The stronger-" Andre swept his hands down his face and looked over to Trina. "Trina? Jade? One of you wanna take over, cause I'm about to punch this boy again. This time, I think his kids are gonna feel it."

"Yeah." Trina pat him on the shoulder, giving him a gentle smile. "We'll take it from here."

Seeing that Jade was still shaken up and looking more nervous than she was before they came in here, Trina figured it was best to be the one going forward. She sat beside Beck and looked around the room slowly. "I've been here. I mean, I never smoked a cigarette in my life because I didn't want to mess with my body or respiratory system; but I've been at this low before." Beck turned his head to her, saying nothing as his expression turned stoic.

Smoke still clung to the air, making it difficult to breathe. "Jade? Andre? Would you guys open the windows? I know Jade needs fresh air more than any of us." The pair nodded and quickly went to work opening all the windows, and the door.

Trina turned her attention back to Beck. "It must be, no I know it is, difficult to feel like you're alone in the world." Beck's eyes darted away, looking at nothing in particular. Trina put her hand to her chest. "I focused all my efforts on my sister, my parents, making sure they were happy. No one paid any attention to me. It was like I was invisible." She chuckled a bit, recalling an old memory. "I remember one of my favorite old musicals was _Chicago_. Ever hear of it?"

Beck grunted. "Not the, um, one-woman-"

"No. The actual musical." Her eyes narrowed a bit, then relaxed. "Which by the way, you got to admit, my acting skills must have been better than anyone realized. I put on a show for the whole school, and only one person saw through it while one or two others figured it out."

"Really? What show was this?"

"Story of my life." Beck's eyebrows rose curiously. "Literally." She pat him on the back. "It was the real one-woman show. Starring me as myself."

Beck circled his hands in the air. "What does that musical have to do with any of this?"

"There's a song in there, one of my favorites in the whole movie. It's called Mr. Cellophane." Beck lowered his hands a bit and Trina started to nod. "It goes like this: Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name, because you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never even know I'm there. That was my life since I was a kid."

"Damn."

"Yeah." She chuckled again. "Damn." Trina took a deep breath, held it, and then sighed. Her hands closed up a bit and she cleared her throat. "You see, I was healthy. Active. My sister? Complete opposite. She wasn't even supposed to live past infancy. _I_ was lucky. My parents had a very bad blood combination. So, my sister got to grow up living in a proverbial bubble, sheltered and coddled by my parents. They watched her like a hawk, her every waking minute while I stood on the sidelines."

"Wow…"

"Nothing I did seemed to affect them. As a kid, I'd play in little leagues and soccer, _maybe_ my dad would come to a game or two. They were always afraid anything outside might cause my sister to have a problem or two." Feeling the tears come, Trina quickly wiped her eyes and turned her head away. "I joined karate clubs and got into bigger sports and athletics like gymnastics, during my preteen years." She coughed once. "I remember having a tournament, and neither of my parents could make it. My grandmother made it, she drove me there and drove me home; but mom and dad were too busy."

"I grew up on the sidelines, Beck. I played the field in all my activities, could play all roles of the team if I had to; but I grew up on the sidelines. Invisible, unnoticeable. So, I started making sure to always be around, making sure Tori was okay. Making sure she was safe, that she would be able to prosper and that way I could maybe make my parents feel a little safer too. Maybe I could shoulder some of the burden, then just maybe I'd be a little more appreciated; but I was a loner. The wallflower. The benched quarterback with an all-star pass."

"Yeah, that…that sucks. I know all too well." Beck shut his eyes for a moment and let out a weary sigh. "Something no one really gets about me. When I was a kid, I might never even know when my parents were out of town. They'd leave on a whim, and I'd come home from school only to find a note that says 'gone for a few days, there's food in the fridge and pantry'." Beck chuckled scornfully and Trina frowned, her heart went out to him.

"I'm sorry. Beck, that you had to go through that, no kid should ever have to. It ruins things, makes life a living hell and turns you into a mental basket case."

"I was like you in a way." He tapped his finger in the air. "The helper, the healer. Thinking maybe, just maybe I wouldn't feel so alone."

"Like my counselor says. Focusing on the problems other people have and ignoring your own does not help make your personal issues go away. How often did your parents leave you alone?"

"Often enough. It wasn't always that they were out of town either. You know, we never once had an actual family dinner." He laughed once, his eyes brimming with fresh tears. "I see you and Tori, and the meal your mom puts on the table. All four of you sitting down to eat, and I think…I wonder…" A sob broke out from his lips, causing Jade to walk over and put her arms around him. "I wonder _why!_ Why couldn't I have that?" His tears ran down his cheeks and he began breathing erratically. "I don't even know what a home-cooked meal tastes like. I know what canned soup taste like, oh believe me I've had _plenty_ of that."

"Have you ever wondered why you were born? I've had those thoughts."

"Oh all the time, then I found out one day." He sneered. "Useless. They didn't even want me. Mom hated me because I wasn't hers, Dad wound up knocking up some girl that didn't want me so she forced me on him." He paused, turning his eyes to Jade. She was tearing up, but still managing to keep silent. "I swore I'd never do that to someone. I can't understand why someone would cheat on the person they're supposed to love."

"Is that why you pull away?" Jade asked with a broken voice. "Because of my paranoia?"

"A little. It hurts because it feels like you don't trust me. I can't make anyone happy, and if I can't make you happy, then what's the point, you know?"

Jade whimpered and hugged him tighter. "No, you make me so happy. Beck, I-I can't explain why I am the way I am. I just…I know I feel right when I'm with you. I feel secure, and I love you. I love you so much, you need to know that." She leaned back, clasping his face in her hands and gazing into his eyes. "You need to know that you are loved, you are wanted. I never meant to push you away or hurt you, I love you and I want to be with you."

"Beck…" Trina sighed. "Your friends want to be your friends not because you're a helper but because you cared about them at one point and you were there for them. You were a friend to them. You need to let them do the same for you. They are here for you, they need you, let _them_ be the ones to shoulder _you_."

"This isn't you." Jade pointed to the snuffed out cigarette and the empty bottle of beer. "This isn't you, Beck. I know it isn't." Beck chuckled sadly.

"Unfortunately I've smoked since I was twelve, and hell I could practically walk by my parents with a bottle of whiskey in my hands and they never seemed to care. So, what you're seeing right now, Jade…is a very messed up, foolish kid that…" He raised his hands up a bit. "Has always been here. I'm not at all the dressed up, stable guy I've portrayed myself to be, I'm-"

"You're real." Jade smiled reassuringly and quickly pecked him on the lips. "You're a person. I don't care what you've done, but I still want to be with you. Only…I don't want you to hate me."

"Of course I don't hate you."

Trina stood up and stepped beside Andre, crossing her arms with him and sharing a knowing look. This wasn't something either of them could say, it had to be Jade.

"Beck, I was angry, I was being stupid and jealous and paranoid." He furrowed his brow and Jade clenched her eyes shut. "Shun me now and I'll understand. I was hurt, thinking you were sneaking around with that stupid waitress from the restaurant, and I had a one night stand in revenge." Beck's eyes went wide and he opened his mouth partially, but no words came out. Jade bowed her head, pressing it against his chest and weeping. "I'm sorry Beck. I made a mistake, and I know I did wrong. I…I know you hate me, and I would _never_ want to do anything to hurt you. I-I just, I hit a low point that I've never been at, and it was stupid of me and, and-"

Beck reached around her, slowly placing a hand on her back. He lowered his head to hers and softly kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. It's okay." Jade looked up, her eyes quivering.

"You're not angry? You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I'm hurt…but I'm okay…"

"There's something else." Her face tensed and she studied his gaze for a minute. "I'm pregnant." His mouth hung open and a tear fell from his eyes. "I honestly don't know whether it's your baby or the guy's, because you know…you and I had that makeup sex a couple weeks before I got upset over seeing that same waitress talking to you and then-"

"I got it." He raised his hand and closed his eyes for a moment. "It's okay. You don't have to explain." He stood slowly and looked around the room, pressing his lips together for a moment. After a second or two, he chuckled softly. "I…I could potentially be a father?"

Jade looked up at him from the couch, her fingers tightening over the seat cushion. Trina and Andre smiled at each other, then Andre dropped his arms. "You could be. She doesn't know exactly who the father is, but she does know there's a fifty-fifty chance that baby is yours…and, excuse me if I'm wrong Miss Jade, you have no intention or desire of seeing that other person again?"

"I'd sooner die," Jade remarked coldly.

"So congrats!" Andre spread his arms out and walked forward, giving Beck a quick pat on the back. "You're a dad. What do you think of that?"

Trina chuckled silently and thought to herself. _"If he's anything like me, I bet I know what's fixing to go through his mind right now…"_ Beck looked around the room slowly, wiping his clammy hands on his jeans. His gaze focused on the cigarette and ashtray, then he zeroed in on the empty beer bottle. Slowly his eyes scanned the messy trailer where beer stained the brown carpet.

"Shit," he said finally. His skin started to pale, his eyes drifted upwards, and he dropped to the floor in an instant, to no surprise of Trina's.

"Beck!" Jade screamed and rushed to his side. "Beck, are you okay?"

"He'll be fine," Trina replied, "I think he'll need some time. Give him that. Be there for him and don't press him on anything. Just let him take everything in." Jade nodded slowly and leaned down, hugging Beck close.

Trina motioned to Andre and they left the trailer, but not before picking up the ashtray. Andre bounced the ashtray in his hand, clicking his tongue. "This thing." He growled a bit. It was understandable, he had to be angry and disappointed to find this out about his best friend.

"Here. Let me see it." She took the ashtray and studied it. It was a small, glass fixture. Easily breakable. "I think I have a better arm."

"What?" He raised an eyebrow and watched as she aimed for a tree next to the Oliver house. She threw the ashtray as though it were a baseball and smirked as it struck the center of the tree and shattered into pieces, leaving a flurry of ash in its wake. Andre whistled and turned around. "Damn, that's a hell of a arm on you."

"Yeah. That felt good." She started walking off and Andre quickly followed behind. "Let his parents clean that mess up, the bastards. If he hadn't bottled it up inside him all these years, if someone had only noticed, he could have been taken to a better home. Had a better life."

"I guess all anyone can do now is help him get back on his feet, maybe he'll turn his life around."

"Maybe. I'm still not sure if I can do that myself. Can't believe Beck and I actually have something in common." She rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder. "I hope he and Jade can be there for one another, they really need each other."

"If ever there was a more mentally fucked up, basket case couple, I don't know." He smirked. "Makes me all the more certain that they'll be fine." She leaned her head back.

"Oh?" Her eyes squinted and she crossed her arms. "How do you figure?"

"They both want to see the other get better, to heal, so they'll likely want to be there for the other person and help them. If anything, this whole fuckup of a mess we're all in will help them grow closer."

"One can only hope, and Andre, I hope you're right."

* * *

Well, we know the future anyway. We're getting through the past, slowly but surely. There are a couple more points to highlight but what are your thoughts on this chapter?


	7. Fading Away

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 7 (Fading Away)

The time that passed didn't seem like much, and though Trina was steadily becoming friends with the others, she kept hidden just how much trauma she was feeling. She still hadn't fully come around to all of them, especially because she wasn't sure if she wanted to or was ready to.

Even still, they grew closer; and while that occurred with them, Tori seemed to grow more distant from them. They were all concerned, and even Trina didn't know how to help. She'd never seen Tori enter into the absent state of mind that she was, though she had her ideas about what was going on.

"We have to try and talk to her," Andre said calmly while seated in the living room. Beck and Jade were on the couch, Beck's arm around his girlfriend. Cat and Robbie ate some cheese and crackers at the table and Trina leaned gently against the kitchen counter, listening as the group discussed her sister.

"She blows us off all the time," Jade replied, "I'm not sure if she'll even talk to Trina." Beck gave an affirmative nod while Trina glanced up from the cell phone in her hand and raised an eyebrow at her. "She may not even want to talk about anything. There might be nothing to talk about."

"She's never acted this way," Cat pointed out. "It's like, ever since that fire, all she's been concerned with is trying to make connections with agents and celebrities." Acting was what Tori was good at. That, and singing. Trina figured her sister was trying to jumpstart her career with impatience or at least delving into what she knew she was good at.

"That's been her entire world." Trina leaned upright as the others turned to face her. She shrugged. "Ever since she joined Hollywood Arts, that's what she knew she was good at. That's where she thrived, and therefore, she was happy." Trina smiled. "I liked to see her happy and thriving. Hollywood Arts was her happy place."

Andre reached for his chin, slowly stroking it. "And now it's gone. So…"

"She may just be trying to find another place she can be happy, where she can thrive. As for her personality, I'm not sure why that's changing."

"She's turning into a shallow type of person," Jade muttered, "I don't know why we should bother." The girl extended a hand. "I'm starting to like Trina more after all. Learning how she actually is."

"I don't think she's lost to us just yet," Andre responded. Trina smiled at him, grateful that he still seemed interested in trying to help Tori. "I say, if we can still reach out to her, we should. I mean hell, Trina's whole point of sending her to that school, beyond school performance, was to make lasting friendships. What kind of friends would we be if we gave up on her right now?"

"I don't know about you, but I think we've got enough problems right now that Tori doesn't seem to give two shits about."

With that, Trina frowned. Her heart sank as she found herself agreeing with Jade in a sense. Tori didn't appear to take much of an interest in them, and certainly less than she had before. As far as she was aware, Tori didn't know too much about the people she was friends with, aside from artistic and creative interests.

Cat crunched on a couple crackers in her mouth, then downed them with a long sip of orange juice. As she set the glass down, her eyes traveled to the rest of the group and she leaned upright in her seat. "Maybe we talk about something else, huh? I'm personally sick of talking about Tori, trying to figure out what her problem is and how to help fix it." She cleared her throat. "No offense, Trina."

"None taken." She shrugged. "I get it. We've talked her to death at this point." She was tired of talking about her sister as well. They couldn't solve everyone's problems, so there was no use in trying to figure it out. "I've spent most of my life trying to solve my sister's life that I'm not sure I even know how to do much else, so…probably for the better that we try not to focus too much on her."

She actually wanted to think of anything else. It was scaring her how distant Tori was becoming, because now her sister was all she felt that she had left. Jason was gone, her child was gone, and with them, Tori was all she had left to live for. The thought of Tori being gone was too much.

"So, what's everyone doing for college? Any of you have plans yet?"

Andre raised his hand first. "I'm studying music appreciation." Trina smiled gently while the others each nodded respectfully. "I'm actually starting to play the piano at some local joints." He lifted his gaze to Trina and flashed a quick smile. "You should come see one of my first gigs sometime, I think you'd enjoy it."

"Maybe."

"Oh we'll all be there," Jade remarked. "I've decided I'm going to study teaching. I haven't decided what subject. I'm thinking primary, but there's time yet." Jade looked towards Beck, her eyelids fell halfway and a tender smile formed on her face. "I think you said you were wanting to teach also?" Beck nodded.

"I was thinking of going the theatre route." He shrugged. "I really looked up to Mr. Sikowitz as a mentor and I want to do what he did."

There was a loud crack of thunder outside that caused everyone to jump out of their seats. Trina looked to the front door and windows, her lips pursing a bit. She could see heavy rain pelting the window at what seemed to be all angles.

The weather said there would be a horrible storm tonight, which was why everyone was bundled in the house together. Jade's parents were away and she didn't want Beck in his trailer through this storm, so she had him come over.

"It's looking pretty bad out there," she said. She loved storms, though lately they didn't seem to rage as powerfully as how she felt inside. Tonight's however, bore something different. "Good thing we're all inside." She glanced to the stairwell and wondered where Tori might be, because she hadn't seen the girl all day. As a matter of fact, she'd not seen the girl for much of the weekend. "Maybe I should go up and check on Tori."

"I'm sure she's fine," Robbie said. "You worry far too much about her."

"I guess…"

"She will be okay." He let out a heavy sigh and turned his head to the others. "So, I'm researching all the careers I can get with an art degree…Professor and teacher seem to be the best. I would like to teach at the university level, but I'll have to start at public school first. Secondary, most likely, since they let you select the subjects you want."

"Sounds good." Cat sipped on the orange juice a bit more. "Sounds like everyone has a plan for the future. I'm not sure what I'm going to do just yet; but working from home seems really nice."

Trina felt a little out of place talking about what the future looked like. She had an image, an image that no longer existed. Try as she might, she just could not see a future for herself. "I don't have…" She trailed off as the others looked her way. She saw the lighting flash outside, followed by another loud crack of thunder which made the lights inside the house flicker. She blinked twice, her muscles tightening as she mustered up a smile. "I don't really know what I want to "

Andre pulled up the footrest of the chair and folded his hands in his lap. "Have you given any thought at all though?" She looked at him with a slight shrug, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

Among all of them, Andre was the most perceptive towards her strangely enough. He could tell she wasn't eating right, or when she'd zone out from time to time. It was bad, and he was trying to help her in some way.

"Sorry, I really haven't. It's not something I think about. I used to, but right now it's not so important."

"I see. Maybe it's better to focus on one day at a time."

It was wise advice, and the same thing her counselor was always trying to tell her. Trying to focus on the future was too difficult, too painful. Nowadays, it felt more that she just didn't care. There wasn't much she was holding onto, and while she didn't like to say it, she was still holding onto Tori as though living for her because living for herself simply didn't seem worthwhile anymore.

Perhaps this was why Andre and the others kept talking to her. It always seemed that one of them was sending her text or giving her a phone call just to chat. They kept her preoccupied. She felt more worthless now than she ever did, and no one was calling her worthless anymore.

"At least right now, I guess I'm just trying to make it through to the end of my college."

"Well that's a goal, and a good one."

"That's what Ms. Wise says."

Beck snapped his fingers and leaned forward, grinning wide. "You were right, by the way, Trina. Ms. Wise is a great counselor." Trina smiled back at him and gave a swift nod.

"Told ya."

"Yeah. Jade and I have been seeing her both individually and as a couple. She's really been helping us to open up more and talk to each other."

"That's great! I'm happy for you." She leaned upright and looked upwards at the sound of thunder clapping once more. This time it seemed longer. "I just hope this is the worst that storm gets. It would suck to have to deal with an earthquake or something major right now."

"Well they've been monitoring seismic activity," Andre started, "They haven't said anything about potential earthquakes this weekend."

"Yeah." Trina leaned forward, folding her forearms on the counter. "You know, when I was younger, I used to love going out to the beach during storms. You wouldn't want to swim during one, but the waves are a beautiful thing to watch." Andre smiled at her and rolled his head to the right a bit.

"I believe it."

"I used to love going out there, just gazing at the water and swimming for hours." She smiled gently and closed her eyes. "I could just lose myself there, you know." It was probably the one place she felt happiest, and it was strange because it was the same place that she pulled Tori from several years ago. "I mean, yeah Tori almost drowned there when she was four, but…you know, I already told you about that, I think."

Andre nodded and the others looked to the window. A pair of headlights approached the driveway. Trina sucked in a deep breath and held it, having remembered that her parents were out in this weather.

She pushed herself away from the counter and started moving towards the doors, pausing as the lights went out again for a few short seconds. "Damn this is a bad one. Haven't seen one this bad in a long time."

Remembering something Andre had been talking about, Trina turned to him. "Hey, maybe you should call that girl up you've started seeing? Taylor." Andre raised his head and frowned. "Didn't she just move here?"

"Yeah." He sighed heavily and furrowed his brow at the window. "I called her earlier. She's out of town, thankfully." Taylor was from Louisiana, or at least lived there for a couple years with her family. Her parents owned a bakery. To Trina's understanding, Taylor came to study at UCLA, which was the alma mater of someone close to her. "She went back to visit her family for the weekend. Otherwise, I'd be with her right now."

Trina was impressed by Andre, he would often talk about this girl and seemed devoted only to her. It was unlike his time in high school, where he seemed to have a new girlfriend each week. He matured and developed in a way that no one seemed to think he would and had become much more responsible.

"Her family actually lives in the same apartment building my parents did back in the day." He moved his hands behind his back and chuckled softly. "That's how we started talking. It was so uncanny. She had a picture on her college binder of the place, and of course I recognized it, so we got to talking."

The front door swung open and another crack of thunder drowned out the sound of the doorknob crashing against the wall. Her father wore his police coat that rain splashed off onto the floor. Holly stood next to him, clutching his arm tight, her face and hair was soaked with water, but she looked like she'd been crying. As for David, he seemed angrier.

"Get some rest, honey." He told his wife. Holly nodded and slunk off to the bedroom. The others exchanged looks of concern while Trina furrowed her brow at him. He slowly put his hands onto Trina's shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Trina. I…" His voice shook. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Andre started to stand up. "Should we get going?" David looked at them and shook his head.

"No. You guys may as well hear it. I'm not sure if you know."

"Dad?" Trina cleared her throat and looked outside. "What's going on?"

"It's your sister." She began to pale and looked outside with wide eyes. David shut his eyes for a moment, trying to steady his breathing. "She's gone."

Her heart crashed down in an instant and she broke away from him. "What?" Her voice practically overtook the thunderous roars outside. "What do you mean she's gone? Did something happen? She's not out in this storm, is she?"

"No." He cupped a hand over his mouth and shook his head slowly. "She…She just left. We received an email from her. An _email_." Her body started to grow numb and she looked to the others, seeing stunned and startled looks on their faces. They instantly thumbed through their phones, their brows furrowing as they searched for any kind of notice from Tori. "She said she'd been discovered or something, packed up and hopped on a flight out of town to NYC."

"Are you kidding me?"

"You know the joint account you kids have with your mother?" Trina began to shake, her trembling hands covering her mouth. "She withdrew a couple hundred and took off without saying a damn thing."

"No." She was breathless, moving backwards while panic set into her heart. "No, you're lying. She wouldn't do that. She…She…She wouldn't just leave."

"We don't have anything," Jade announced while glancing up from her phone, "She didn't say a word to any of us."

"I don't believe you." Without further word, Trina made a mad dash upstairs and burst into her sister's room. "Tori!" She cried out in alarm and froze when she looked around her sister's room. The bed was made up, the room looked like a hotel guest room with no clothing left behind or much of anything else. "No, no, no. You can't be gone."

Instantly Trina rushed through the dresser, then looked under the bed and searched the closet. Nothing remained. The room was completely empty.

"No, I shouldn't have ignored her." Unable to breathe, she began dialing her sister's phone number. To her shock, it went straight to voicemail. "Tori, please. Please answer." Her heart began to race and tears fell down her face as she called again.

After the third or fourth call, she received a text message from Tori. Relieved, she opened it; but regretted it in an instant.

 _Trina, leave me alone. I'm starting my life and don't want you bothering me right now._

Her hands started to tremble and she dropped the phone to the floor, wailing at the top of her lungs.

When she heard footsteps coming up the stairs, she bolted. Andre reached the top of the steps, looking concerned as she flew past him. "Trina? Hey." He glanced at the phone on the floor with a frown.

"I've lost her," Trina screamed to no one, "I've lost everything." Her tears blinded her as she ran from the door and towards her car. She heard her father and friends calling out to her, but ignored them.

She drove around in the ever growing storm, not caring for her own safety or much else. How long she'd been driving, she didn't know. The airport was closed down and all flights were delayed or cancelled, so Tori must have left before it started.

Tori didn't need her, didn't want her. Just the thought of that alone was killing her. Part of her was enraged, knowing she'd given up so much for that girl; but the rest of her loved her no matter what. That latter part was what hurt the most.

Now, she truly had nothing. Tori was gone. "Jason's gone." She wiped her eyes. "Rachel's gone." Stopped the car finally along the beach that she would so often frequent. "And now Tori doesn't want me anymore…she's gone."

Her voice trembled as she slowly stepped out of her car, letting the rain drench her. "Oh my god." She walked across the beach, hugging her clothes tightly as she wept. "I've lost it all. I've wasted my life."

She looked at the ocean, watching the waves swirl and crash on the beach. The sky was filled with continuous lighting blasts, and the thunder which echoed in her ears seemed never-ending.

Trina eventually stopped at the shore, feeling the water splashing onto her body. She leaned her head back and sucked in a deep breath. "What do I have? What is the use?"

Everything was happening so quickly, too quickly; but this was only the peak of many years of suffering.

She remained there, frozen, gazing at the waters. For some time, she thought she could see Jason, standing above the waters and watching her closely. He looked as though he'd try and keep her from diving in, no matter how much she wanted to.

Time seemed to slow a bit as she considered her next move. She'd thought about it before, but Tori was the only reason she kept herself alive for the last year or two. She couldn't imagine living life without her, but now that she was gone, it was a far different story.

"Tori…" She whimpered. Tori's text seemed to make clear that she didn't care for Trina, especially considering she didn't even bother letting her know she was leaving in the first place. "Come back." She felt her knees buckling and took an uneasy step towards the ocean. "Jason, Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There's no one left, no one left."

She heard the sound of a car horn honking at her and turned her head, furrowing her brow at it. "Hey! Trina!" It was Andre, waving at her and calling out. "Trina, come talk to me."

"You found me? How?"

"Had a hunch." Trina exhaled and looked back to the ocean. "You shouldn't be out here in this. You know that."

"I don't care, Andre. I don't care anymore. I-I don't want to live, I have nothing left to live for." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and slowly wiped her face, knowing it was in vain. "Leave me alone."

"You know I can't do that. I don't want to."

Trina clenched her eyes shut and balled up her fists. "Leave me be! Please."

"Everyone's driving out in this storm, looking for you. They're all concerned about you."

"I don't care. I…I just…they're gone, Andre. They're all gone."

"I know." He sighed and started towards her. "I know." His lips pressed firmly together and she turned to him, her throat sore and scratchy. "Look, it's not easy, I'll be the first to say it. Getting dealt a shit hand, feeling like nothing's ever going to be right, I know." He put his hand to his chest. "I was there, Trina. Maybe in a different way, but I was where you are at right now. Believe me, I know it's not easy and I'm not saying that it's ever going to be easier…You've got to let go."

"I don't know how. I don't know how to take care of myself anymore, to live for myself. I've put so much energy, so much life, so much time into my sister. I'm nothing, I'll never be anything."

"That's not true. That's not true, you know that's not true"

"I don't know anything."

"Okay…" He breathed out. "Okay. How about this?" He tried to smile and Trina looked at him carefully. "How about we set a deadline, huh? I'm playing the piano at my first location next week. I would love to have you there." Trina smiled faintly and took a step towards him. "If you think it sucks horribly and that I'm the worst pianist ever, then…" He shrugged. "Then I'll personally dive into that ocean with you."

She jerked her head back. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"Because that piano is everything to me, isn't it? What have I got if not my music?"

She scoffed. "I see what you're doing, what you're trying to do." Andre spread his hands outwards.

"Well, is it working at least?"

She looked over her shoulder, studying the waters. All of a sudden, there was that small desire. She wanted to see his performance. "I have nothing left to live for, Andre. I…I can't even think about what lies ahead for me."

"I'm not asking you to think about that. You don't have to wonder what your future will be." He shrugged again. "What I'm asking you to do is take a couple more days. Come see me perform." A smile spread across his face and Trina closed her eyes. She began to shake as he extended his hand. "Please?"

With a heavy sigh, she placed her hand in his. "Fine…"

"Alright." He walked her to his car. "You know what else? I know someone, a friend of mine, that might be willing to give you a job if you want." She raised an eyebrow at him and let him guide her into the car. "It's with the school district. Give you something to do with your free time, earn some income."

"Andre…"

"Give it a shot. I'll even have him set up the interview for you. You've got to at least try."

Trina exhaled softly as he shut her door. She watched him pull out his phone and start typing, likely to tell everyone he found her. Gazing outside at the ocean, the storm looked like it was beginning to settle a bit. Try as she might, however, she didn't think she could quiet the storm raging on inside of her.

* * *

So Tori's gone. I thought it'd make more sense considering _Lessons_ to have her silently depart. There's a lot in this chapter it seems, so tell me your thoughts.


	8. A Different Normal

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 8 (A New Different)

Trina was glad, no, grateful to have gone to Andre's first local music performance. It was at some local Italian restaurant and all of his guests got to eat free. She had veal, which was outstanding. As for Andre's performance, it was a hit of course. He was flawless, hitting every note with the expertise of a master.

Music ran in his family, on his father's side. His father had been a man by the name of Ray Preston, a jazz musician that lived out in New Orleans; and his grandfather was a pianist as well.

She'd often wondered about his father's side of the family, and why his last name was different. She was honored, and deeply saddened, when she learned of it. His mother had been having an affair with someone, so his father oddly set fire to the home, killing himself and Andre's two older brothers. It wasn't certain if the act was truly done by Ray or not, because nobody could believe the man would murder two of his sons in such a way. Andre's mother fled to Los Angeles with him; but years later was murdered in cold blood by the wife of the man she'd been seeing.

Andre had the misfortune to witness the murder. He didn't remember much and at the time only ever told Beck. So Trina knew how much he was trusting her with his past, and she wasn't about to go telling anyone else.

Trina went to the job interview Andre had set up for her as well, much to her annoyance. It wasn't bad, however, and it gave her something to do as opposed to sitting around all day mucking in her own anguish. The job was a custodial job for the school district, which she was uneasy about at first. The supervisor that interviewed her liked her, put forth a recommendation for hire.

All she had to do now was wait.

At the dinner table, Trina managed to gather her parents together. Her eyes travelled to the empty seat and the corner of her lips curled a bit. She tried to keep it together, not wanting to upset either of her parents. She glanced back to the table, studying the lemon peppered chicken she'd prepared, sided by creamy mashed potatoes and green beans.

David had a large amount on his plate, but Holly grabbed just a tiny amount. Any amount was better than none, though Trina was a little worried her mother wasn't eating enough. "I think you should have a little more, Mom." She leaned over, studying the meager portion. "That doesn't look like enough, and I know you usually like heartier portions." Her mother spooned up the mashed potatoes on her plate, which was about all there was, and shrugged.

"I guess I'm just not very hungry right now, dear."

"She worked really hard on that," David replied softly, "But eat what you like and if you feel like having seconds, there's plenty." He looked to Trina, flashing a gracious smile at her. Trina smiled back and glanced down at her plate. "It's nice to be able to still sit down together. As a family."

Holly dropped her fork on the plate and scoffed. "A family? Note the empty chair, dear." David closed his eyes and Trina sighed. This was a routine thing now. She was trying her best to keep them coming to the table for family dinners ever since Tori left, not wanting them to end up falling away; but it was hard when the subject of Tori kept being brought up. "How could she do that? How could she just leave like that?"

David shook his head, his face growing tense and his lips pressing firmly together. He'd spoken his peace before, and was never one to repeat himself. He told them that he simply couldn't forgive Tori for that, and wasn't sure if he ever would. "I'll be glad when she comes back home," he remarked with a sigh, "But that's about it. There's no excuse."

No one heard from her since she left either, it was like she'd just decided her family and friends had fallen off the face of the earth or something.

Not wanting to get into it right now, Trina quickly deflected the subject. "So Dad, what do you think about what's going on in the country right now?" His eyebrow rose and he let out a shaky rasp of a breath.

"Honestly, I'm ready to retire. All the protests and anti-cop rhetoric going on out there. It's too much. I thought I could protect myself, my family, from _criminals_. Now I've got to look over my shoulder every waking minute, whether I'm at work or at the goddamn grocery store." His brow furrowed as he moved a bite of chicken to his lips. "People only see white and black now. They don't see Mexican, Spanish, Irish, Indian, Hindu…only black and white; and if you're a white cop, you're automatically a racist. It's getting ridiculous."

The protesting was getting out of hand too; but the waters were a bit murky. "I mean, everyone has the right to protest."

Her father waved his fork in the air. "The right to peacefully assemble. It's not protesting that's going on in the streets out there when it turns to looting, violence, and fire in the streets." He lowered his fork. "This Black Lives Matter organization, I love the idea behind them; but they seem to have forgotten about Martin Luther King Jr.'s whole premise and have instead taken up Malcom X's aggressive rhetoric."

"The people _are_ tired."

"But they're not thinking. They have filters on, they have blinders on." He put his hand to his chest. "I'm not a racist, I'm not a bigot; but I'm also not white. I'm _Spanish_. _Latino._ " He moved his hand over, motioning to Holly. "Your mother is Irish. The people in the world don't realize how oppressed the Irish were, and they forget the Native Americans who lost most all of their lands." He narrowed his eyes. "For all the culture that's out there, everyone wants to ignore it all."

"I'm just surprised the movement turned violent anyway. I mean, you'd think there wouldn't always be radicals-"

"Every movement…" David chewed his food and grabbed the glass of water beside him. "Every group, every organization in the world has its radicals." David shook his head. "A pair of cops, sitting in their car over Christmas break, eating donuts, was gunned down by a supporter of the BLM movement. Now, the majority of the movement did not approve of his actions; but some praised and rallied behind him."

"I guess that'd be everywhere."

"Sadly." David swallowed his drink and lowered the cup with a heavy sigh. "Sometimes I wonder what this world is coming to. It's on both ends, but every person in the world has their own selfish agenda."

Holly cried out again and Trina leaned her head back, her body sinking as she shut her eyes. "Why?" Holly asked. "Tori was only thinking of herself, why couldn't she think about those who loved her." David looked at his wife, his expression turning blank. His left hand rested heavily on the table, its fingers closing slowly into his palm.

"So…" He glanced back to Trina. "Any news on your job prospects with the district?" Trina nodded.

"I'm waiting on the background check to finish now, but it's looking good. Once that goes through, I guess HR will call me in and have me fill out some paperwork."

"Can't say I pictured you doing custodial work, but it's something." He smiled with pride, his eyes lighting up a bit. "Are you looking forward to it?"

"I am, actually." She took a bite of her meal and sat upright. "I didn't think so at first, but now I'm actually looking forward to having something to do. I don't know where it'll go, if anywhere, but I'm excited to see what all I can pick up."

"That's good. Really good to see. Things have been so bleak lately, I'm glad you're-at least you appear to be doing better." She glanced down and started to nod.

"I'm trying. It's hard, because there's a lot of 'different' that I'm trying to get used to."

"I think all of us are trying to get used to that. It's not easy." He reached across the table and gently pat her hand. His voice fell to a whisper and he looked into her eyes reassuringly. "It's going to be okay, Trina. You're strong, I know you are." She let out a tentative smile and slowly shook her head.

"I don't know that I am anymore, or if I ever was. I'm trying to learn to look after myself, take care of myself." David looked to his wife, who still barely touched her food. With a heavy sigh, he reached over to her and gently rubbed her shoulder. She raised her head up and wiped away the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Holly said. She stood up from the table and looked to the bedroom. "I-I think I'm going to go lie down." As she walked away, David turned his head.

"Tori's leaving hit all of us hard. I know your mother shows it more than I do, but-"

"I understand." Her dad had always been the tough one, having to appear strong and firm when he was screaming on the inside. It had to be difficult to be the one holding it together when it was the last thing anyone wanted to do. It was the same thing she was trying to do.

"Don't keep it all bottled in, okay?"

"I feel like I have to."

"I know you do." David chuckled once. "Your mom and I will be just fine worrying about ourselves, we do enough of that on our own without needing to make our daughter worry for us too."

"I'm not used to it."

"To what? Not focusing on someone else?" David leaned back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach. "You've spent so many years focused on your sister, so much that you detached yourself from…well, from yourself." She frowned and nodded slowly. "She's gone off to live her own life, I suppose. In the end, that's all any of us actually wanted was for her to be able to be self-sufficient…if she actually can, since I'm aware we've done nothing but shelter her in whatever bubble wrap we had."

As he cracked a smirk, Trina laughed.

His smirk faded after a second and he reached over, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "You have to be self-sufficient too. You have to be able to function on your own."

"I put so much effort into my sister, I'm not sure I know how to do that. I've lost sight of so much."

"So get it back." She raised an eyebrow and he raised his shoulders. "Be yourself, be the person you were meant to be. The tough young woman that can kick anyone's ass." Trina rubbed her arm gently and felt a smile growing on her face. "Kick ass. Climb the tallest mountain, swim in the deepest seas…go out there and be true. That woman is still inside of you, waiting to come out, I know it."

"How could you?"

"Because you're my daughter." He winked and rose from the table, picking up his empty plate in the process. Trina felt the blood rushing to her face and she quickly continued eating her meal. "You remember that old cabin I had in the woods, your mom and I would take you girls there all the time?"

"Do I?" Her vocal pitch rose with excitement as she fondly recalled the cabin. It was a bit of a hike, but it had a beautiful lake they used to fish on. It was in the woods, sure, but also up in the mountains, so there was plenty to do. She snickered a bit, remembering the times her mother would go into near panic fits over Tori. "Mom enjoyed it, I think; but I remember her hating every minute Tori wasn't inside."

David ran his plate under the facet, washing it off a bit. He started to laugh, nodding his head fervently. "Yes. Tori never got any diseases or life-threatening injuries if I recall. I think the doctor's 'use caution' speech put the fear of god in your mother when it came to your sister. I'm sorry again…I know I'm just as guilty."

"Quit apologizing." Trina picked up her plate and walked over to the sink. Her dad smiled sadly as he watched her rinse off the dish. "You've said sorry so many times, it's old."

"I know. I just…" He ran his hand down his face and looked off to the side. "Knowing that you put so much effort into your sister just because we worried about her constantly, it…" He leaned over the counter, sliding his palms forward on the surface. "I feel like we've failed both our daughters." She furrowed her brow and looked up to him. "Making you feel like you couldn't live your own life, be your own person…I know your mother and I never wanted that. We didn't want to be the type of parents…" His voice cracked a bit as he trailed off.

Trina reached up, rubbing his back gently, then leaned over to hug him. He raised a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. "Now I'm not even sure if-I _know_ all that hovering, all that sheltering, we didn't teach Tori the things she needed to know to go out into the world and survive."

"Well what could you do?" She tried to insert some humor, giving a subtle smirk. "You tried showing her how to gut a fish and skin a rabbit, and she simply couldn't stomach it." David's body shook as a chuckle escaped his lips. "Fortunately she has plenty of Wal-Marts and McDonalds in the world that will do that for her."

"That's not how I mean, and you know it."

"I know. I had to try and make you laugh." She shrugged. "You'd do the same for me." He grinned.

"Yep."

"Now…" she took a step back and cocked her head to the right. "What were you saying about that cabin? I feel like you didn't just bring it up to reminisce."

"Oh, right." He grabbed his coffee mug from the countertop and walked towards the living room. She started to follow him in. "No, I rented it out for the weekend for you. You could take your friends too, or go it alone." She stopped and leaned her head back a bit, her mouth opening. He glanced over his shoulder and cleared his throat. "I think it would be good for you."

"I mean…" She didn't know what to think of it, especially since she hadn't done any hiking since she'd gone into labor. It would be nice to take one or two of the others out with her, though she didn't think Jade would really be into it. Although, Jade and Andre both were constantly checking in on her ever since the storm happened. They'd probably like to go. "Sure, it sounds great." She smiled at her dad as he took a sip of his coffee. "I'll ask some of the others and see if they'd like to go out as well."

"Just think, you can teach them a few tricks!"

"Maybe. I'm not sure about the hunting."

"I've still got my old hunting rifle in the attic. You just got your permit last year, so I know you're good to go." She only had everything she needed for hunting because her dad wound up twisting her arm and begging her to get it. She wasn't sure why, especially since they hadn't gone hunting in a long time.

"Sure you don't want to come along?"

He took a longer sip of his coffee and his eyes darted to the master bedroom. "As much as it pains me to say no." He glanced back, his eyelids falling halfway. "I need to look after your mother, and I know damn well she's not about to want any part of getting up and roughing it out there."

"True…" Her shoulders sank and she looked over at the master bedroom, shaking her head. "She'll get better, I hope." She knew her father didn't want her to worry, but she couldn't help it. She understood Holly's depression, and the loss that she felt. For Trina, all of her crying, all of her screaming seemed to be on the inside; Holly was doing enough externally for the both of them. "I guess I'd better give Jade a call."

* * *

Seems everyone's doing their fair share to keep giving Trina something to do. A rough family dinner, but sadly it seems they all know there's not going to be another normal. David has a good idea, getting Trina to go out to the cabin, maybe getting her to refocus on her old and truer interests. If he can do anything for his daughter, it would be helping her try and rediscover herself. What thoughts do you have on everything in this dinner? And yes, the one topic foreshadows what you already know happens from _Lessons_.


	9. The Calm, and the Storm

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: There are some critical past moments that I glaze over or have in this chapter because it's time to hit the moment of _Lessons_ rather than focus solely on all of the past backstory-of which most we already know. So here you go.

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Chapter 9 (The Calm and the Storm)

Trina sat at the edge of a large Cliffside, admiring the view from above. Below was a gorgeous valley full of trees, rolling hills and a vibrant and swift flowing river. Above the sky was a dark blue, which indicated that it might start to rain soon; or it was getting late and the sun was going down. The latter seemed hard to believe when it was only a half hour after four.

She took a deep breath, breathing in the crisp air. The wind was calm and quiet, but every now and then blew by her with a cool breeze that ruffled her hair just a bit. "Admiring the view?" Jade asked from behind. Trina opened her eyes slowly and smiled a bit.

"You know you don't have to come check up on me, right? I'm not thinking of jumping off this cliff."

Jade sat down beside her, a spitting image of a very pregnant woman trying not to fall over as she sat on the edge. Trina raised an eyebrow at her, curious if Jade needed any help. "I know. I just wanted to come see it." The girl took a breath and leaned her body forward just a bit, her eyes closing over as the wind caressed her cheeks. "Breathtaking and stunning, I can see why your dad liked to bring you guys out here." Trina looked back at the scenery with a subtle nod. "Thank you for inviting me."

"I was a little skeptical about bringing you out here in your state, but I thought you might like it. It's one of my favorite places to come and relax; but I haven't been out here since I was a girl."

"It's refreshing. The view, and you too."

"Me?"

"Yeah…It's refreshing to see this side of you, the you that is the real you." Trina chuckled softly and began to shake her head. She could feel it inside of her, the longing to be out in the nature, surrounded by the trees and animals; but it had been so long that she didn't know how to tap into that anymore.

"Believe it or not, I'm not a tree hugger or anything. I just love nature." Jade laughed.

"I wasn't going to accuse you of being one."

She smirked and cast a side glance towards Jade. "Good." Her eyes drifted back and her shoulders rose. "Hope you're gearing up for the hike tomorrow."

"I really don't want to slow anyone down."

"You won't. Just don't use pregnancy as an excuse to miss out. It's important to be careful, more than normal, but that doesn't mean you absolutely can't do something." Jade nodded gently.

"What about martial arts?"

"What about it?"

"Can a pregnant woman do that?"

"Maybe? A woman in early stages might be fine, but I don't know about a woman in her late stages."

"Think you could teach me some moves? Once the baby is born?"

She laughed, unsure that Jade would have the time. She hadn't done much practicing in a while herself, but she still knew enough. "I could try, if you were really up for it." Jade grinned and nodded swiftly. "You do want to stay active and exercise once the baby is born, anyway. I mean, it's just as important to take it easy too."

"Yeah." Jade leaned backwards and slowly pat her stomach, her eyes drifting down carefully. Trina studied her with a tender smile, watching as Jade's hand circled her stomach. "I can't wait for her to be born. We're thinking of naming her Opal. We wanted to give her a gem name."

"Opal? Not Emerald? It's green like you. Or even Ruby. I like Ruby."

"No. One green color is enough, I'm afraid." Jade started to laugh, then snorted. "Besides, green is my color for another reason. Envy. My daughter shouldn't be green with envy. Also, I love the color of opal, and Beck favors that gem, so that's what

"I like that. Have you two thought about what would happen if it turns out not to be his?"

"I don't think that will happen."

"It's a possibility…"

"I don't want to think about it being a possibility." Jade sighed and Trina turned her head away momentarily. She didn't think it was wise to ignore it, but it wasn't her decision. "Beck says he'll love the baby no matter what. I…" Jade raised her head and sighed. "Have decided to keep it despite the people telling me I'll have a better life if I have an abortion. Beck wants me to keep it too, and I want to keep it."

"Good on you for deciding for yourself. A lot of people who are pro-choice will favor abortion because 'it's my body, it's my choice' and accuse anyone that doesn't favor abortion of being pro-life and ignorant. They don't acknowledge that the decision lies right in their favorite slogan: It's your body. It's your choice. If you decide to keep the child, you decide to keep the child and screw anyone that says 'your life might be better or different for having an abortion'."

"I don't really know where you stand on the matter, but thank you…"

"For what?"

"Being supportive no matter what and not pushing your opinion on me." Trina smiled tenderly and gently rubbed Jade's back. "I considered adoption, I considered abortion and I considered keeping my baby…and even if it isn't Beck's, I feel more secure raising it with Beck by my side."

"You've got more than I had."

"Maybe…maybe you should consider calling around and seeing how that baby of yours is doing?" Her heart sank and her smile faded into a frown. She couldn't even begin to imagine doing that. She just wanted to trust her baby would find a loving home, trying to seek her out was too much.

"That is…" She exhaled and let her shoulders slope down. "Too painful for me."

"I know. Maybe one day." They gazed out at the scene before them and went quiet so they could enjoy it all in bliss.

A couple years later, Andre was experiencing the greatest moment of his young life; he was becoming a father. Trina joined the rest of his friends at the hospital, eagerly awaiting the new arrival.

Things were looking up for everyone, even for her. She was still with the school district and enjoyed going to work every day. She was slowly overcoming her own depression, as her friends helped and supported her. Jade and Beck had married, with Jade naming her as the maid of honor. Their baby had not been Beck's after all, but it seemed to bring them closer together rather than drive them apart.

Cat and Robbie were now engaged, with Robbie pursuing a teaching career while Cat was beginning to give voice lessons from home. Andre, Jade and Beck were also pursuing teaching careers. Andre, like Robbie, elected to teach secondary education while Jade and Beck gravitated towards primary.

Even Tori seemed to be doing well, as far as anyone could tell. She found an agent who helped her make a name for herself. She had a couple songs that were out, which Trina did listen to. They weren't the style of music she favored, but she still wanted to support her sister even if it was from afar.

Tori hadn't contacted them since she left, even deleting some from her facebook page. It hurt a great deal, but everyone tried to focus on their own lives and not worry about it. After a while, that worked for some; but for Trina and her parents it was hell. Her father never forgave Tori and her mother was sinking further into her depression. Trina got by simply by focusing on her job. She got back into hunting, fishing, and camping outdoors-which helped her a great deal.

Still, she struggled, upset over the things that happened in her life; but she couldn't help it. The past was a burden that she felt might never truly go away.

"They've been in there a long time," Robbie said under his breath. Trina acknowledged him with a nod and studied the hospital door. She was looking forward to see Andre and his fiancé with their new daughter. She was friendly with Taylor, though didn't know a whole lot about her.

Taylor once asked her if she believed in ghosts, a question that led to an interesting conversation. At the base, Trina wasn't sure if she did or not. There were things that happened in her life which she could not explain, things she'd seen that she didn't understand. Anytime she passed the ruins of Hollywood Arts, for example, she swore she could see a silhouette that looked just like Jason. Most of the time she dismissed it as a trick of the eyes.

Taylor, however, believed in ghosts and confided in her-despite fears of being thought crazy-that she lived with ghosts who suggested she go to the college where she met Andre. According to her, this was Andre's father and brothers, something she was always afraid to bring up with him. Trina didn't disbelieve her, but she wasn't sure what to make of the whole thing.

She'd taken an interest in the paranormal once before and did believe that there might be people who had special traits or senses; the 'sixth sense' as Jade so often said. Jade, of course, did believe in all the paranormal stuff and thought that it was Jason Trina would see every time she passed by. Jade, and Taylor, believed that Jason may have become a guardian angel of sorts and would appear at Hollywood Arts as a reminder that he was watching over those he loved.

"I hope everything's okay in there," Trina said with a soft voice. Her stomach was tightening and she felt something odd hanging in the air. Strangely, she thought she could smell smoke, but dismissed it as no one else appeared to react to a smell.

The tiny baby, Opal, slumbering in her mother's arms, awoke and made a small crying noise that attracted Jade's attention. As this occurred, she thought she saw Taylor in the corner of her eye. When she turned her head, however, the girl was gone.

It took a few minutes for Jade to quiet her child. When she finished, Andre slowly walked out of the delivery room with a young baby in his arms. His face was wet with tears and he was trembling. Having become the rock of the group, now crumbling before everyone, his friends immediately stood and surrounded him.

"She's gone," he said with a broken voice. "Taylor didn't make it…" Trina's heart stopped suddenly and her trembling hand rose to her lips. A shockwave of grief tore through her, as the others reacted with surprise and sorrow.

Moving forward, Trina wrapped her arms around Andre, holding him close. Of everyone, she'd grown closest to him, with only Jade on equal level. She admired him, respected even, and so this news was truly horrifying to her. "I'm so sorry, Andre. I…I liked Taylor a lot. Anything you need…"

"Thank you."

The others gave their words of support, with some trying to get him to focus on his baby daughter. He named her Ophelia Denise Harris, with Denise being after his mother.

As the group rallied around Andre, Trina decided to take Ophelia into her arms when it seemed her father was ready to break down and cry. She looked down at the child with a gentle smile. The girl had fuzzy brown hair, olive skin like her mother and chocolate brown eyes. She reminded Trina a bit of her daughter, which broke her heart a bit despite the smile that grew on her face.

"You have a wonderful father, Ophelia," she whispered. "He is a fantastic friend, a great teacher and a wonderful person. I am sure he will be a great father to you. Your mother so looked forward to seeing you…I am sorry that you will not grow up knowing her, but…she will always be a part of you."

As the day passed, Trina thought this might be the worst news to land on her plate. Tensions in the world were growing, reaching such a peak that she could not fathom. It was to such a point that her father was retiring, and only a few short days, weeks, from retirement. Her godfather, David's best friend Gary, was also thinking about retiring. Trina herself was thankful she opted out of following in her father's footsteps to becoming a police officer. She wanted to be one when she was a kid; but that was the extent of that desire.

On the drive home, she caught a breaking alert on her radio announcing that someone, declaring allegiance to the BLM movement, had just gunned down two police officers. One was announced dead upon arrival by paramedics while the other had been listed as critical condition.

She was about to change the station when the news listed names that chilled her to the bone. "Detectives Gary Malone and David Vega." She slammed on the breaks, causing the driver behind her to do the same and blast their horn at her. Her eyes grew large and the color drained from her face. "They were eating dinner when the assailant opened fire on them. Detective Vega was struck in the back twice. Detective Malone who attempted to shield his partner from the gunfire, was shot in the abdomen and the neck, was announced dead at the scene when paramedics arrived. The suspect is in custody. Several leaders and members from the well known Black Lives Matter movement are denouncing his actions while others praise him for doing his due diligence in 'killing two white cops'. This just in, from-"

Trina shut off the radio and clasped the steering wheel firmly. Her knuckles were growing white. Her mouth hung open and her eyes where frozen in front of her on nothing. She began to tremble as her eyes filled with burning tears.

She wanted to floor it to the hospital, she wanted to call her mother and talk to her, or at least attempt to reach out to Tori and let her know what just transpired; but she couldn't make a move. As her heart began shattering, she pulled the car to the side of the road and dropped her head to the steering wheel. A loud cry erupted from her lips as her entire body shook with greater force than that of an earthquake.

* * *

A lot to take in this chapter. We see where Jade and Trina have started growing closer and even Jade wanting to take lessons from Trina in martial arts to the darker moments of the past. The loss of Andre's fiance, the moment that David ends up paralyzed. We're reaching a crucial point, coming fast on Tori's return. I'm not sure how much of the _Lessons_ timeline I will focus on before we begin to focus on the bigger picture, the family's growth with Rachel back in Trina's life. I'm not sure what the right move is, I don't want to drone on and on if you, my readers, already know everything that happened in _Lessons_ ; but I don't want to rush through everything either because it's in Trina's perspective this time around. The trick here is we know that in _Lessons_ , Trina's already grown quite a bit. She was strong, only breaking apart when it came time to bring Rachel into her life. So she doesn't have a lot of character development or change throughout Lessons and wouldn't have much more development until she starts to be a mother...So definitely, give me your thoughts on the chapter and on that.


	10. Prodigal Sister Returns

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 10 (The Prodigal Sister's Return)

Why Trina had the same phone number for nearly twelve years, she did not know. Laziness was perhaps the best excuse. She remained on her parent's cell plan, though that was just about it. Her father helped her financially with a few things, but not much.

Her father was in a wheelchair these days, still strong, but never the same. Holly's health was deteriorating, she'd never truly overcome her depression and was still struggling with many things like taking her medication.

Trina had taken several part time jobs while working for the school district, with her part time jobs leading her to adopt two cats-much to her surprise. The pet store she worked at first didn't have a dog when she wanted a pet, so she adopted an orange tabby cat and named him Prince due to her childhood nickname of Queen. That nickname being due to kids calling her the Queen of the jungle gym or playground. Then she had a gorgeous black cat named Nikita, who was the runt of her litter.

Eventually, she was made head custodian of the school she was at, so she left the part time jobs she carried and stuck with her primary. Jade worked at the same school as an English teacher and Beck was starting out there as a drama teacher, still trying to impress Mr. Sikowitz, though never truly getting the man to come by.

Over the years, Andre had become even more of the glue that Beck had once been in high school for the group; but each of them were managing to work through their own issues to the point that now things were on a much better level for everyone. Andre never dated again; and while Trina had tried to date, she never found anyone that was good for her. The pair themselves had felt an attraction to each other and discussed it a bit, but neither felt they were ready.

His daughter was growing to be a wonderful child, bright and active, and rather intelligent for an eight year old. Ophelia liked to play with toy dinosaurs, Barbie dolls and enjoyed a game or two of soccer. Trina visited throughout the years and, some might say, had a hand in raising the small child. Of course, she would say no more than any of the others in the group.

Jade's daughter was also a bright spot on any cloudy day. She looked just like her mother, enjoyed arts and crafts, and playing hide-and-seek with her little brother, Ryan, who was five years old.

For Trina, it was hard to see the children at times because they always made her wonder just what little Rachel would be doing at that very moment. She'd been too afraid to ever look her up and only prayed Rachel was living a good life in a happy home.

Cat and Robbie often visited this adoption center that was built a few years after Hollywood Arts burned down; it took over the building that used to be the karaoke place Tori once sang at. They were considering adoption, as they couldn't have children. Constantly, though, they'd ask her if she were to consider volunteering and reminded her of the opportunities the orphanage seemed to have.

She did manage to get her mother to volunteer there for a while, but Holly stopped going recently. It wasn't much of a surprise since her health had taken a turn for the worst. Thankfully, her parents moved out into the country a bit and had a small house, which seemed to do more for their health. At least, that was what Trina thought. There were so many memories in the old family home that only served to depress her mother more than it should.

As for Trina, she was happier these days. Everything was going her way it seemed. Still, she had the itch to follow those old dreams she used to have. There was also the itch to teach. She truly enjoyed teaching Jade, as well as Cat and some of the others, the art of kickboxing and martial arts. Andre preferred boxing, and Trina often had a lot of fun boxing with him. Still, she was a head custodian and she was happy. Her life had slowly been coming together, and nothing could shock her. Not anymore.

Or so, that was what she believed.

The news came to her in the form of a voicemail, and a voice that she'd only heard on the radio for so long.

 _"Hey Trina. It's me, your favorite sister. I know it's been a while, but I'm coming into town for, um, I'm not sure how long. I want to see everybody, I know they all miss me! Can't wait!"_

When she heard Tori's message, her heart actually started to break. She first heard it when she was over at Andre's, helping to clean up after dinner and watching Ophelia as she ran about the back yard. Andre, thus, was the first of the group to know Tori was coming into town.

He promised he would try to let the others down gently, in an attempt to keep the peace if need be. This, sadly, did not go over as well as either of them hoped at the first meeting.

To see Tori in person for the first time in twelve years took her breath away, and it took every ounce of her strength not to break down and crush her sister with a powerful hug. Unfortunately, Tori's personality had grown far worse than it was all those years before. She'd grown incredibly vain, insulting everyone without actually meaning to. She even got Jade to revert, however brief, to her former mean girl spirit and bite back hard.

But that day something was off, Trina could sense it. Sitting at the table amidst her friends and staring at her sister's seemingly impenetrable shell of vanity, she saw weakness shining in Tori's eyes. They had the look of a woman broken down, a girl so lost and in a prison of sorts. She needed help, Trina was sure of it.

She watched Jade tower over Tori at the table, trying to defend Trina to the girl. Tori had been insulting her career as a custodian, and Jade had enough of the shallowness. Trina wanted to speak up, to say something.

"She hasn't changed that much…" It was a whisper, one that came from within. It felt more like the old part of her that absolutely had to protect her sister. Her friends had often told her she'd been trying to protect her sister too much, making excuses for her behavior and downsizing just how vain she'd become. "You guys just aren't giving her much of a chance."

Jade cleared her throat and turned her head towards her. "No, Trina, we did." Trina saw her sister shrink, the girl's gaze dropping ever so slightly. "You're just not seeing her the way we are. You've got your family blinders on." Trina sucked in a deep breath and slowly nodded, questioning whether she truly was trying to ignore the way her sister had become.

Jade put her hands to her hips and her voice softened a bit. "I mean, we understand. All of us would want to see the best in our siblings and relatives too; but sometimes it's hardest to see them for what they've become once they've taken the wrong path."

Tori finally spoke up, her voice calm and quiet, with a hint of a quiver. "No." The girl rose, moving her purse strap over her shoulder and closing her fists at her sides. "You don't have to leave, Jade. I'll go." The girl's voice began to break. Trina gasped softly as the girl turned her head away. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Wait. Tori." She took her sister's wrist, hoping to stop her from leaving, but Tori pulled her hand away and turned around.

"Leave me alone. I'll leave you alone, I'm sorry I interrupted your lives." Tori rushed for the cheap looking rental she was driving and Trina hopped out of her seat in a hurry.

"Tori! Hold on, talk to me please!" This only caused Tori to run faster. Trina looked at the others, unable to judge any of them. She didn't have it in her to be angry, they did give her a chance despite their anger towards her; and it didn't help when Tori was saying the things about them that she had been. Such as, telling them they had meaningless jobs as teachers compared to her job. She would have been more surprised if they weren't outraged.

"Guys." She spread her arms outwards and let out an exasperated sigh. "What was that? We just scared her off. After twelve years, my sister's _finally_ come back." Jade bowed her head and looked off to the side.

"Sorry Trina. I just couldn't take the things she was saying. It…it wasn't right, none of it. Maybe I reacted too harshly."

"I would have been more surprised if you hadn't reacted, but still." She looked over her shoulder, studying the car. Tori hadn't quite left yet. Feeling moisture in the air, she glanced above and groaned at the graying clouds. "I'm going after her."

"She doesn't want to be bothered," Cat remarked. Trina waved her hand through the air and started for her car.

"Weatherman said a bad storm's coming, and it's about to rain. I don't want her to be alone in this."

"Give us a call when you can," Andre replied, "I need to get back to my kid. I don't want the babysitter out in this either." Trina nodded to him and hopped into her car. As she started the engine, she looked up and watched her sister drive out of the parking lot and turn left.

"Why the hell is a famous pop singer driving a cheap rental car?" She clicked her tongue and slowly followed after Tori. Not wanting to be too obvious, she kept her distance while keeping her eyes glued to the back of Tori's car.

Rain began sprinkling on her windshield, so Trina shifted the wipers onto their first level. She grit her teeth and contemplated what she'd say to her sister.

When Tori finally stopped, Trina was appalled to see her entering a cheap motel on the outskirts of town. Something was dreadfully wrong and she didn't know what. "I have to wait." She didn't want to upset Tori by walking in right after she'd gotten here, so she decided to drive to a nearby coffee shop and have a shot or two of expresso.

A couple drinks later, she felt enough time had passed by. The tightening sensation in her gut kept her from waiting any longer. The storm had grown intense, thunder was blasting out her radio and streaks of lightning stretched across the dark sky. Her wipers were on at full blast, but didn't seem to be doing any good.

"Damn." She breathed out and leaned forward, glaring up at the blurred out lights. "I feel bad for anyone driving in this shit. I hope the others are at home and safe." She paused, realizing she was likely the only one out and about. For the first time in over twelve years, putting herself in danger for her sister. "Fuck, I have to."

She grabbed her umbrella and stepped outside. They were on the outskirts of town and at one of the most dangerous places for anyone to be, without the blinding storm and blistering wind.

Spying Tori's window, she saw the dim light fading. It was a curious allusion, the fading light. "Tori…" Nothing suggested the star had vanished, nothing at all brought cause for concern.

She rushed to the window and looked inside, her heart clenched when she saw a chaotic scene. Drawers had been yanked out, chairs were toppled over, and clothes were strewn about the room. Worse yet, Tori lay motionless on the bed. "Tori!"

It was not long before they were at the hospital. Tori had taken enough pills to knock out a horse and needed a stomach pump immediately. Thankfully, calling Beck and Jade, they were able to instruct her to perform CPR until the paramedics came.

The paramedics of course recognized Tori and commented about how she'd been blacklisted from the industry. The news hit Trina like a ton of bricks. She wanted to look it up, to see if it was stated anywhere online; but preferred to hear it from her sister.

Beck and Jade managed to come out to the hospital to see how Tori was holding up. Andre wanted to, but the storm was still going and he didn't want to get out with his daughter in tow, nor could he leave her alone. Cat and Robbie couldn't get out in this either.

"I can't believe she took those pills," Jade said with a sigh, "I mean…I don't know…I wish I could say I don't know what she was thinking, but that much is obvious."

Trina closed her hand around her sister's wrist and clenched her eyes shut. Tori tried to kill herself, or at least it appeared that way. "Those paramedics back there, they said she'd been blacklisted." Jade's eyes opened wide and her mouth fell open.

"Blacklisted? What the fuck did she do?"

"I don't know. I was hoping she'd tell me, but…I'm not sure if she will."

Her thoughts were well founded. As Tori awoke, a feeling of relief shook through her heart. There was a bit of conversation before Jade and Beck stepped outside and left them alone. Trina tried to fill her sister in on their parents, explaining that they couldn't come out.

Tori thought they must have hated her as well, so she had to remind her that not everything was about her. Granted, David was still bitter and didn't seem too thrilled about Tori coming back into town, he was still her father and still cared. Both he and Holly were looking forward to seeing her, despite whatever tension there might be.

When she asked about the blacklisting, Tori strongly denied any knowledge of it. She could tell her sister wasn't being honest, but opted not to get into it. Instead, she left Tori with a current photo of their parents and left the room.

"Anything?" Beck asked. Trina shook her head slowly. He reached up to pat her back, sighing in return. "I'm sorry. Jade and I will look it up if you don't want to, I know you were hoping Tori would talk about it."

"I think she's just not ready. She doesn't even know why Jade's still angry at her." Jade scoffed and Trina shrugged. "It just seems she's living in denial of, well, everything. Like she doesn't even acknowledge that the fire ever happened or that Jason died twelve years ago. Not sure what's going on there, but I think she needs some serious help."

"Just be careful, Trina." She raised an eyebrow as Jade folded her arms. "Be careful. She is _not_ your responsibility."

"I know. She's still my sister, though."

"We know that," Beck remarked, "And nobody is saying to turn her away if she needs help. That's your sister, and if she's in trouble, you should help her. What we're saying is don't fall into the way you were before. Don't turn her into your life."

Trina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, huffing in response. She felt Jade slowly rub her shoulder and turned her gaze to her friend. "Look Trina, we all love you and we think you've really come a long way. Even your dad says so. We just don't want to see you become obsessed over Tori again."

She pushed Jade's hand away and walked forward. "I won't." She knew the danger, she knew the risk. It was always easy to fall into old habits. "If it comes down to it, I know I need to take care of myself first and foremost. I love my sister though, and I'm not about to give up on her."

"So don't."

The next day, while spending time at the Oliver household, Jade did some research. Trina was horrified when they read up about the affair Tori was caught up in with her agent, and how the man's wife managed to destroy her.

Tori's career was in shambles, her life was hell, and no one else was going to be able to help. She _had_ to do something, even at the risk of falling into the same old habit that she had in the past.

Though there was still part of her that was disgusted. When she took Tori to see their parents, Tori acted grossed out by how shriveled their parents became. She was not happy at all about that, but chose not to voice her opinion.

All in all, there was a war within herself. The part of her that wanted to come back out, hover over her sister and keep her away from all the bad people out there. Such as her agent, Hudson, or his wife, Barbara.

Even Andre paled when he heard their names. So much as mentioning the name _Barbara_ to him sent a look of hatred flashing in his eyes. That was when he told her about the identity of the woman who murdered his mother. Trina was terrified, and begged Andre to do something, anything to keep Tori from that woman's wrath.

So he would. He promised her he would do something, find other victims, maybe even start a support group. He'd keep an eye on Tori so long as Trina took care of herself and didn't fall into her old habits.

It would be hard to do, but she'd try. Even if it meant distancing herself from Tori. "Just remember," Andre told her at some point, "Tori has to be able to help herself. If she wants to better her own lot in life, she has to do it, no one else can do it for her."

* * *

So we are getting there. This and the next chapter actually go together a bit, so I'm giving you both. I'm purposely moving through the bits of _Lessons_ that you know for obvious reason. This is the companion story, and a continuation; it is not intended to rewrite _Lessons_. As the reader, you already know what occurred in that story, only the crucial moments need to be highlighted. This is the chapter bringing Tori back (And hey, 10 chapters and Tori's finally said something!)


	11. Cruel Twist of Fate

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 11 (Cruel Twist of Fate)

It took some maneuvering, but Trina wound up managing to get her sister to accepting an actual job. She talked her supervisor into hiring her sister and letting her train the girl. There were some lessons she had to teach Tori on the job, such as why their work was so important. Trina got Jade's class to act up when she made Tori skip vacuuming their messy room. It was interesting to see Tori actually brought to the point of tears by the kids, and even Jade was stunned that Trina used children to teach her sister a powerful and important lesson.

As time went on, Tori kept focusing on the job. This Hudson continued to call her, and Barbara kept threatening her. Trina called Hudson out on his shit once, but after that, Andre and the others held her from trying to communicate any further with them.

They were monsters, they manipulated Tori for everything and kept her suffering; and this time Trina didn't know what she could do to save her, if anything.

She kept her distance, once she saw herself delving into being overly concerned about Tori. It was difficult, because on one hand she _was_ her sister and it was right to take care of your sibling if they fell on hard times; but for her, it could be too easy to cross the line where that became too much.

Part of her felt great to have someone to take care of and worry about. There were her parents to worry about, of course. She didn't know what would happen with her father if something happened to Holly, and Holly's health had taken a turn for the worse. David could take care of himself just fine, but Holly did a lot of the literal leg work.

It didn't help that Tori was ignoring them. Holly wanted to talk to her daughter so much, but Tori seemed afraid of them. As if she couldn't accept the reality that her father was in a wheelchair and her mother was dying. Unfortunately, Tori's actions did little to aid Holly's physical and emotional health. Her avoidance of them sent Holly spiraling into another depression that caused her to slip into a comatose state.

Trina was gutted by the turn of events. When the doctors told her and David that Holly would not be likely to return to them without brain damage, they were grief-stricken. Trina wanted to hang onto her mom, but ultimately David told her they needed to pull the plug. Holly's own will stated she didn't want to be left in a comatose state, and if she ever entered such a state that she could not return from, not to keep her on life support.

When Tori was called to the hospital, David was furious and bitter. He had little good to say to Tori, and could not bear to be in the room with her. Trina had to step out herself after a while.

Still, there was something to Tori the night their mother died. Tori grieved over Holly, and a change occurred within her. A change that may have started sooner than that, but she couldn't be sure. She noticed it before when Tori began asking her questions about an orphanage she'd visited. She asked her about her opinion on giving a baby up for adoption, asked her opinion on abortion and other matters.

She'd never told Tori about her daughter, so she didn't know why she'd be interested in her thoughts on the matter.

When Holly's funeral took place, Cat stayed behind with Tori to help her grieve a bit. After that, the change in her sister seemed stronger. Tori was asking about volunteering at the orphanage. These talks lessoned due to Trina having to move in with their father, it wasn't so much that she wanted to as much as she felt she needed to. David was in terrible state and she wanted to be there for him if he needed anything. This left Tori to deal with things on her own.

She would continue to pay the rent and bills of the apartment, since it was still in her name, for Tori. This would go until the lease ended. She was trying to take everyone's advice and let Tori live her own life. Hard as it was, she'd do her best to do so.

Truth be told, the orphanage terrified her. She knew what it was. It was home to children that couldn't find families, among other things. Perhaps children who had gone through so many fosters they couldn't get adopted, or had grown to such an age that no one wanted them. The thing that terrified her more than anything was the thought that her own daughter could potentially be there.

She wasn't sure why this fear was present. Over the years, she did want to find out how her daughter was doing; but was scared at how the child might respond to her. If nothing else, she was also afraid of how the adoptive family would react.

One occasional worry when it came to parents that adopted was the birth family wanting their kid back. While Trina did want her daughter, and always had, she would never try and take her from a family that raised her well.

But the fears of Rachel potentially winding up in an orphanage had to be unfounded, in her mind they were. There was no reason for her to believe her daughter could have wound up there.

But what if she had? The level of grief and guilt Trina felt if such a scenario was true scared her. It would mean that her child ended up going through the very things that Trina didn't want her to go through.

It was too much to think about, so whenever the thought came up, she tried to push it from her mind.

At Andre's place, Trina watched with pride as she and Ophelia watched him munch on a cupcake they baked. It was Ophelia's project, but Trina helped give the girl instructions. The cupcakes were chocolate flavored with cream cheese icing and a colorful array or sprinkles.

"This is good," Andre said while holding his hand underneath the cupcake. His eyes were lit up and he had a huge grin on his face. "You did a wonderful job, Ophelia."

"Thank you, Daddy!" Ophelia started to hop up and down. "Katy helped a lot." Katy was the girl's nickname for her. She found it easier to say Katy as opposed to Katrina or Trina. "She helped me put in the right amount of flour." Trina pat the girl's shoulder, smiling at the young child.

Ophelia hurried over to her father and hopped into his lap, hugging his waist. Andre hugged her back, chuckling softly. "We'll make a chef out of you one day, sweetie." Ophelia giggled and nestled her head under his chin. Trina took a seat in the recliner next to him and studied the child, remembering Taylor with fondness.

"She's a pretty good baker, just like her mom and grandma…You still don't hear much from them, Andre?" Andre frowned and shook his head.

"I hear from her little sister, Frankie, from time to time. Her parents, not as much. I'd like to say I don't know why; but you know…"

"Yeah." Trina pressed her lips together and breathed in softly. For whatever reason, her parents blamed him for Taylor's passing. It wasn't his fault, and everyone knew it, but sometimes people needed someone to point fingers at in tragedies.

They never approved of Taylor's sexual relationship in college, and weren't thrilled when she became pregnant. They were ready to accept the baby, but they were struggling with Andre for whatever reason. When Taylor died during labor, her mother was so grief-stricken that she couldn't function. Her business eventually went under and she had to move in with Frankie.

"All this time and it's still hard on the woman. Ophelia's seen her grandma maybe once or twice." Trina looked down, her heart sinking as his words tore her apart. He cocked his head at her and furrowed his brow. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just…just thinking about my own mom. All she ever wanted was to spend time with her grandchildren before she died. Sometimes, I think about Rachel and…well, you know…" Andre smiled sadly and nodded at her. "Twelve years, Andre. Twelve years."

"You did what you felt was best. No one can fault you for that. You know as well as anyone what you were struggling with back then."

"I know…but things changed so quickly for me after that, at least it seemed like it."

"You didn't have any reason to think it."

"Yeah…"

Ophelia hopped off her father's lap and ran for the hallway. They watched her until she disappeared around the corner. Andre looked back with a sigh and pushed his hands forward along his knees. "Speaking of children. You know Tori's apparently decided to volunteer at that orphanage, and is taking one of those kids to a museum."

"Oh? How'd you hear about that?"

"Robbie. It's one of his students. She's taking the girl to an art museum." Trina raised an eyebrow and reclined her chair. She knew there was a kid in Robbie's class that he talked often about, praising her drawings and artwork. She shared a name with the baby she'd given up. "It's the kid he's always talking about."

"Huh?" Her hands closed around the tips of the armchair and she sat upright. Her brow furrowed a bit. "Rachel? He never said his student was in an orphanage."

"Well, you know the rules of the district Trina." She closed her eyes and nodded. Robbie could talk about the work his students were doing, but there was a line. He certainly couldn't tell people which of his students were in an orphanage and which weren't.

"Yeah, confidentiality laws and shit. Nice to know Tori made a connection with that kid."

"Robbie thought maybe you'd like to drop in on them." Andre smiled a bit and Trina laughed.

"It's tempting. Tori, taking a kid to an art museum of all places."

"He said your sister got Jackson Pollock's name wrong."

"Who?"

Andre started to sigh and circled his hand in the air. "The artist that you say just splashed paint onto a canvas and everyone calls it artwork." Trina snapped her fingers and leaned back, gasping out.

"Oh yeah! That guy."

"Robbie says it's called abstract art and it has meaning as well as importance."

"What meaning?" Trina pressed her lips together and hummed softly. "The guy had drinking problems. He splashed paint on a canvas. He was an aggressive alcoholic. I'm sorry, but I fail to see the deeper meaning, Andre." Andre started to laugh, nodding his head swiftly. "But you know something…maybe I will pay them a visit. It'd be interesting, that's for sure. Tori's really started to come around, you know."

"Yeah, we're all amazed. No clue what brought it on, but it's refreshing."

"That it is, Andre, that it is."

Before long, she was at the museum in question. It was a nice place, full of intriguing pieces. She didn't know exactly what to expect by being there. She had a nagging sensation in her gut that she couldn't explain, and every step she took towards trying to find her sister was filled with a strange, growing anxiety.

Finally, she found them, in a room full of paintings. She leaned against the doorframe, watching carefully and chuckling at a question she heard a child ask. "Why are there so many paintings of people naked?"

"Maybe you should ask Mr. Shapiro that," Tori answered. Trina tilted her head. Her arms were crossed and a wrinkle formed in her brow. Tori moved a bit and the child came into full view.

Suddenly, all of time stood still and Trina's heart stopped on a dime. This child wasn't too tall, had short brown hair feathering out and warm chestnut eyes. The most stunning thing was, this child resembled her in some way; but that couldn't be possible.

Blinking a couple times, she waited as Tori showed the girl a few more artworks. Eventually coming up to a picture. "I like the pictures," the girl said, "How they capture everything in one moment."

Trina smiled, closing her eyes and thinking on the picture herself. She had to agree, if considering artwork, she'd always been the most fond of pictures as opposed to anything else.

"Yeah, Tori replied, "You can capture so much in a picture. Sorrow, joy, love, anger…yeah I agree, I like pictures a bit more too because, well-"

The girl boasted proudly, as though repeating something her favorite teacher had said. "You can capture something great in painting, but pictures seem to bring something more out." The girl paused, her nose crinkling. "I'm not sure how to say it."

Trina chuckled a second time and walked forward, deciding she'd had enough of watching. "I think you've said it pretty well right there." Tori jerked her head upright and looked over, gasping loudly and grinning from ear to ear.

"Trina? What are you doing here?"

"Well, when I heard you were bringing a child to an _art_ museum, I just had to come and witness it." Trina looked to Rachel, sharing a glance with the young girl. There was a stillness in her heart and she struggled within to figure out what it was she was feeling. "Hi there." She smiled and Rachel answered shyly.

"Hi."

"Okay." Tori chuckled a bit and moved forward. "So Trina, this is Rachel, the one I've been telling you about." Trina raised her eyebrows and nodded. She remembered those conversations, but partially ignored them because of the child's name. Rachel was a common enough name, however. "Rachel, this is my sister. The one I've been telling you about."

"Oh." Rachel waved at Trina, still not saying much. "She has talked a lot about you." Trina smiled softly, but froze up when she caught another familiar sight. The backpack the child was wearing had the head of a small stuffed toy sticking out of it. It was a white gingham dog, just like the one she'd given to the baby that she'd given up twelve years ago.

It couldn't be. No, this was some strange coincidence. There was no way that Rachel, and this Rachel, were one in the same. What could be the chances that her sister would come home, volunteer at an orphanage, and meet the very child that Trina had given up?

Trina forced a laugh, trying not to appear as though she'd just been floored. "I hope she's been saying good things about me." Rachel grinned from ear to ear and Tori rolled her eyes, smiling as well.

* * *

So we see Trina's daughter for the first time. Of course, Trina doesn't believe it at first, it would mean her greatest fear realized. Yet, it's hard to deny what is standing right in front of her. What are your thoughts?


	12. Crumble

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 12 (Crumble)

"Well, it sounds like you had a great time." Andre placed a sandwich down in front of her and took a seat across from the table. Trina could hardly look at it, her appetite wasn't fully there. She was still shaken, seeing Rachel in her mind and trying to consider what sort of weird coincidence could have been thrown her way. "Robbie said the kid had a great time. Snapped a picture of you and Tori, in which she was lucky enough that all of the elements were presenting themselves at just the right time."

"She took a picture?" Tori smiled gently and glanced down at the table. Her fingers were trembling at the edge of the plate. "That's great. We spent the whole day looking at all the artwork, she's like me, favors pictures." After a minute, she shook her head abruptly. "No, no it can't be. It just can't."

Andre's eyebrow rose and he leaned back slowly. "You said she had the same dog toy?"

"Not sure if it's identical." She lifted her arm, stretching it outwards. "You see, when Tori and I were kids, we had a picture taken of us. I cut a small hole in the chest of that toy, inserted the picture and sewed it up…kind of like, giving the dog it's heart." He smiled at her and nodded, understanding her tale. "I didn't see the toy enough to notice any indication of that sewing job being there."

"What if it is?" She closed her eyes and turned her head away. Her head began pounding and her heart sank as she mulled over the possibilities. "It may seem too silly to you for it to be true; but what if that is your daughter? Your sister, in discovering herself and volunteering at an orphanage built around the corner from Hollywood Arts, has found your daughter."

"No." She practically screamed, her eyes flew open and she leaned forward. "Don't you understand, that's _why_ she can't be my daughter." Tears begun to sting her eyes and she threw her hand to her chest. "I can't live with myself knowing that Rachel may have had a shitty life. Andre, I-I could have kept her, I should have. Do you realize how much that girl would hate me?"

"You didn't give her up to an orphanage, Trina. You gave her up with the expectation that she would be going to caring home." He chewed on a protein bar for a minute, swallowed and wagged the bar in the air. "Maybe it's a sign. Maybe you owe it to yourself and your daughter to do some investigating." Trina groaned and leaned her head back.

"It was so painful for me to give her up. Now, just thinking that she might be in that place, with no family…" She couldn't stand the thought of admitting anything; but the nagging voice in her heart told her to look into it. As though she already knew the answer. "Twelve years old, looks just like I did when I was her age, looks just like Jason when she's examining something." She chuckled softly. "You know, the eyebrows go flat and her eyes sharpen a bit, and this tiny little crease appears on her forehead…That is Jason to a T."

"You know what they say. A mother knows." Trina dropped her hand firmly on the table and exhaled, her eyes traveled down to her fingers and absently studied her nails. Tears ran down her cheeks and she wanted to wipe them away but didn't feel like moving any muscle in her body to do so.

"Andre." Her breath grew raspy and there was a small rattling to her voice. "I built myself up these last few years." She frowned deeply and shook her head. "I resigned myself to the simple facts that I would probably never see my sister again, my daughter; and of course I've moved on from Jason the best that I could. I've landed a supervisory position in the school district, and my life…has had some tremendous improvement." She turned her gaze into his and struggled on deep breathing. "Now Tori comes back, and just happens to befriend this child…" She placed her hand to her chest. " _My_ child? Potentially? My entire world, everything I built up. Everything."

As the pace of her breathing grew rapid, she started to bow her head and clench her teeth. Andre rose from the table and walked over, carefully wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into him, cupping a hand over his arm and shutting her eyes.

Some time passed before they pulled apart, she felt a bit calmer now, but her mind was still racing a mile a minute. "I guess I should do some thinking. You need to head to that meeting of yours, right? Don't let me keep you any longer."

"Sure. You let me know if you need anything, okay?" She smiled at him and watched as he grabbed his phone off the kitchen counter. He studied it a moment and looked over. "Missed a text from your sister, she's wanting to hang out."

"Mm, bored?"

"I guess." He lowered the phone and lifted his eyes upwards. "You know, might be a good thing." She cocked her head to the side and he glanced at her. She knew he was forming a support group from the women that had come into contact with Tori's agent, Hudson, and his wife Barbara. "Maybe I could get Tori in on this. She's still dealing with those two idiots."

"Yes. It could be good for her."

"Right." He pocketed his phone and grabbed his jacket off a nearby barstool. "I'll swing by her place and take her over there. At least she'll know she's not alone in being victimized by those two."

Trina hated them, but in the present moment, she couldn't get her emotions to shift. She also had to stay and look after Andre's daughter for him, so she wasn't able to go with him. Granted, she had no business being at that meeting.

As he left the house, Trina slowly picked up her phone and called her father. Her voice was trembling still when he answered. "Dad, I-I think I might've found my daughter…but I don't know for sure, and I don't want it to be true."

"I'm sorry, what?" There was shock in his voice, he clearly wasn't expecting that to be the first thing out of her mouth. He cleared his throat. "What do you mean you think you found your daughter?"

"I don't know. It's just…Tori started volunteering at that orphanage." Her stomach grew tighter as fresh tears began fleeing her eyes again. "She's started looking after this young girl that's there." She slowed her voice down as if it would calm her nerves. "A girl named Rachel. She's twelve years old…has short brown hair, looks a little like I did when I was a kid, and she has a small gingham dog toy."

David was silent, and each second that went by without him saying anything filled Trina with greater anxiety. "You have any proof yet?" He said finally. She shook her head.

"Well no, it's all circumstantial, I guess. I certainly don't feel like ripping apart that stuffed dog."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, you remember that picture I put in there when I was a kid. That would be the one thing that would tell me for sure."

"That, and talking to the orphanage."

"True; but I don't want it to be true. Dad, I'm scared. All these years, I thought I did the right thing, I thought for sure I made the right choice."

"In life, that's the way it is. We have our decisions, our choices, and we live with those. All we can do is our best, and have faith that at the time we made our choices, that those were the best choices for that moment." He sighed. "You were going through a lot back then, Trina. You did what you felt was best, because you said yourself many times, you were in no shape to raise a child. That was then."

"Yeah, that was then."

"What about now? If you really had to…"

"Tori's asked the same question a couple times." She raised her shoulders. There was no doubt in her mind that she could do the job now. "Mentally I'm in a better place. Physically, emotionally, I'm doing well. I mean, I have a great job, I'm a responsible woman and I believe if I had a baby or a child today, I could do it. I have people in my life that could help me if I needed anything."

"So. If this Rachel is the one and the same, and she's at an orphanage…would you be willing to step up?"

Without a moment hesitation, she would. "Of course," she responded breathlessly, "But knowing that she's in an orphanage. Dad, you don't know how much that kills me."

"We cannot change the past, Trina. You don't know what led this girl to where she is do you? We don't know what her lot in life was." She nodded fervently and closed her eyes. "I recommend you go to that orphanage, find the head lady, and inquire about the child. If it turns out that she is the very same, then…well, you'll have to follow your heart, Trina. I can't say anything more than that. I have complete faith in you to make the right decision."

"Really?" She smiled through her tears, listening as her father chuckled.

"As you said, you are in a much better place now than you ever were. Your mind is sharp as ever. So yeah, I know you'll make the right choice, whatever and whenever that may be."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad."

He chuckled again. It was warm and relieving for her to hear, giving her a sense of calm that she'd been needing. "You've always that, sweetheart. You know I love you." Her heart rose and she moved her fingers across her face, wiping away the tears.

"I love you too."

There was a pause. "Hey, you know what?" She hummed curiously. "If it turns out that child really is yours, well your mother may have gotten her wish." Her eyes opened wider and her jaw hung open.

He was right. "Oh my god, mom did volunteer there for a little. She spent time with the kids. Surely she would have run into Rachel too at some point."

"Yeah, so if that were your Rachel, then Holly got to spend time with her granddaughter if only for a moment."

"It's too bad mom couldn't be here right now…"

David exhaled and his voice quivered a bit. "Yeah, I miss her. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her." Trina sank a bit in the chair and looked up at the ceiling.

"For what it's worth, if I ever do actually meet my daughter while you're still alive, I'll make sure she meets you."

"Well, I hope I've got a few more years left in me." He laughed heartily and Trina grinned. "Go research and let me know what you find."

"I will. It'll have to be after the weekend, though. Tori asked me to lead a camping trip with her and Rachel over the weekend."

"That's great! You've got a chance to get to know the child and spend some time with your sister as well."

"I think I've spent ample time with Tori, to be honest. I'm just glad to say I haven't fallen into those old habits everyone kept warning me about. She's still my sister, I still love her; but I won't obsess."

"I'd say you have more pressing concerns in your life right now."

"Like what? Tori already thinks I've got nothing to live for." She laughed. "She's kind of right. Never married, never had-raised kids." Her laughter trailed off and she let out a shrug. "Oh well. At least I can look forward to camping."

"Sure. You know, you still have time to pursue your dreams too."

"I like my job."

"That's great, but you don't make a lot even as a head custodian. If I may, some advice."

Trina let out a nervous chuckle and grabbed a napkin, immediately shuffling it against the phone. "Sorry, Dad, I think I'm losing you."

"What? Hey! No, no, no you don't-I invented the paper over the phone trick!"

"Love you dad, I'll talk to you later!" She hung up and took a deep breath, then sank on the exhale.

* * *

So we've got that camping trip as you recall from _Lessons_. There's an important moment between Trina and Rachel, if you recall, so that'll be highlighted. Next chapter, they'll talk for the first time. You know what's coming soon after that; so it won't be long before the continuation truly starts to continue after _Lessons_ ends.


	13. Camp Connections

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

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Chapter 13 (Camp Connections)

Weekend camping was fun, though in her mind it was a little on the tense side. She was trying not to hover over Tori all weekend, after hearing how Hudson and Barbara tried to ambush her at her apartment just before Andre arrived. She seemed to be doing well, taking everything in stride, so Trina wasn't going to make a huge deal of it.

Rachel appeared to be enjoying herself as well, which was a pleasant surprise. The girl seemed active enough and appeared to be getting more out of the surrounding nature than Tori was. Trina had to admit, if this was truly her child, she was not at all surprised by this.

Where Rachel came geared up like Trina, with a short sleeved shirt, long jeans, and a backpack full of important essentials-Tori came in a skirt. Tori tried her best to impress them by pitching a tent on her own, when that failed, Trina instructed and guided them on getting it set up.

Once it was all set up, Trina observed Rachel setting her gingham dog on the sleeping bag in the center. With a warm smile, she advised the child to keep an eye on the dog. "I had one just like that when I was a kid." Rachel looked up at her with an contemplative look, giving a brisk nod. "Thought I lost it on a camping trip with my dad, fortunately we retraced our steps and found it on one of the trails we'd hiked on."

Instantly, Rachel scooped up the dog and held it to her chest. "I won't lose it!" She said with a sense of urgency and protectiveness in her voice. It was special to her, Trina was glad to see.

Later on they went hiking up a path to an overlook that canvassed the entire forest. Rachel pointed up at the sky with an excited gasp and Trina smiled while studying the painted canvas above them. "Look at the sky, it's so beautiful." The sun was setting, leaving a beautiful orange sky with pink swirls throughout it. "I'm going to take some pictures." Rachel reached into her bag and removed a camera that Trina had given her the other day at the museum.

As Rachel went off, Trina rolled her shoulders forward and glanced over to see Tori walking up to her. "She's a smart kid," Trina said with a soft voice. Her eyes trailed back to Rachel, watching and making sure the girl didn't get too close to the edge of the cliff. "I can't believe she's in that orphanage." Tori ran her hands down her sides, dusting off the dirt on her clothes. Raising an eyebrow, she smirked at her little sister. "That's not going to help you much."

"I know. Force of habit." Tori sucked in the air and looked out at Rachel. "Yeah it is unfortunate. I'm not sure about her situation, since Gloria hasn't told me much." Trina felt an unsettling feeling in her gut and furrowed her brow. "I know she's had a rough time of it." She closed her eyes and her stomach flipped. "Her adoptive family was okay at first, so I heard. Then the father died, and the mom spiraled into depression. Began neglecting and abusing her." The unsettled feeling inside turned to rage and she grit her teeth. Her face tensed for a brief second and she shook her head.

"Jesus."

"Apparently after that, she went from foster care to foster care. Occasionally she'd get adopted, but neglected because of various reasons like being the older child or not truly being theirs. Some shit like that."

Trina's hands balled up and she began to tremble. Just thinking about Rachel switching hands like that made her sick, but knowing that there was a chance this kid was actually hers took it to another level entirely.

She was filled with grief and guilt, ashamed in knowing that she probably could have given Rachel a better life after all. She was stricken with grief knowing what hell this child had been put through, and angry at those that gave her such a bad hand that she didn't deserve.

"I can't stand thinking about it."

"Me either. It's horrible." Tori walked a few paces to the right and Trina turned her head, watching as her sister picked up the gingham dog and carefully placed it into Rachel's bag. "Don't want her losing this, it means a lot to her."

"Yeah, I see how she clings to it."

"Not sure where she got it from. Maybe her adoptive parents or her biological ones, or maybe Gloria gave it to her when she came to the orphanage." Trina shut her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that she was on the verge of letting loose.

"They are so rare now, practically off the radar." Trina crossed her arms and sighed. "The Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat, popular in the eighties and nineties, and before that…can't find them anywhere now." She relaxed her hands and let her muscles loosen up a bit. Her half-lidded gaze fell on Rachel. It was difficult not to tell Tori what was going on, but she couldn't. Not right now, not without really knowing, it didn't feel like the right time. "You know, for her to have that toy. It's probably a sentimental thing, wouldn't surprise me if she got it from her biological mom, someone that had it growing up. I can't see it being a random toy that the head lady of an orphanage would give to a child."

"I suppose not…"

The next morning, the siblings did have a heart-to-heart, the first in what felt like an eternity. It was rough spilling everything to Tori, but given everything the girl had been going through in recent times, she seemed to understand. When approaching the subject of the school fire, Tori seemed blindsided, as though discovering for the first time that Jason's death had been some sort of sacrifice on Trina's end. Whether knowingly or not.

She revealed to Tori what she didn't think she was ready to the day before, that she'd in fact had a child which she gave up. Tori took it better than expected, hugging her and revealing some greater details about her own life while wishing she had known.

Tori was more than aware her lot in life, she knew she was in a bad place mentally and said she was trying her best to heal. Trina thought she was doing a good job of it, and even her friends were coming around more to the idea of Tori changing for the better.

They didn't do a lot on this particular day, mostly hung at camp and went out on a few short trails. Tori was getting better at all the outdoor adventures, but still part of her seemed to miss the city.

Rachel, however, was loving every minute of it. Trina watched over her like a hawk, because the girl was constantly going up to cliff edges or trying to swim too far out into a lake, or even following an insect into deep woods where god only knew what lay in there.

If she even dared to think that she could feel the mother inside of her coming out, she might break down; but with as adventurous as Rachel was turning out to be, Trina had absolutely no time to break down and cry. She couldn't keep watch over _both_ girls!

The next day was a bit more adventurous, as they hiked up to an old lakefront that David used to take her when she was a child. Tori barely made it up there while Rachel stayed close by Trina's side, scoping out every rock and pebble on the path.

When they made it, Trina found the old boat rental cabin and took them out onto the lake to fish. It was fun, it was quiet, and they spent hours catching fish and throwing some back.

It lasted until Trina noticed Rachel growing strangely quiet, her eyes no longer focused on the rod before her. At that point, they cut the fishing trip and returned to camp, where Rachel perched on a nearby stump underneath the shade of a larger tree.

"Want me to talk to her?" Tori asked. Trina shook her head and walked forward, raising a hand up.

"No, I'll take this one…" She had a feeling of what could be bothering the girl, but wasn't sure. She felt a connection to the child and wanted to see if she could do or say anything to make her feel better.

Rachel pulled her knees in towards her chest and set her chin on them, her eyes zeroed in on the ground below and her lips curved into a deep frown. Trina sat beside her and started to reach out, pausing for a moment before lowering her hand. "Rachel, is something troubling you? Did you not like fishing?"

Rachel's eyes moved to the side and she rolled her head a bit. "I had fun." Her voice was strangely quiet and her eyes grew misty. "I didn't like throwing the fish away." Trina's lips parted a bit and she swayed a bit to the side. "It felt like we were rejecting them." She closed her eyes and pressed her lips firmly together. She never considered how such a simple act could allude to such a deeper subject.

There was a pang of guilt and sorrow that struck her heart. She wasn't sure how to approach it, but she had to try. "Don't…think of it as rejection." Rachel turned her head, giving her a skeptical look. For a second, she thought she could see Jason staring back at her, his right eyebrow arched high and left corner of his mouth twisting into his cheek. The same expression setting in on Rachel's face right now. "I…For the fish that we threw back, they can go on with their lives. Live another day."

Rachel dipped her head back down, not looking fully convinced. "So, you're saying we saved them?"

"Yes." Trina reached up slowly and rubbed Rachel's back. This was about more than fish, she knew that now. The way Rachel's voice was about to break and the teary-eyed gaze, she knew this level of depression that was upsetting her. "But you're not worried about the fish. I think I know what's on your mind, do you want to talk about it?"

Rachel ran her arm across her face and leaned upright. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, studying Trina close. "I guess." The child shrugged. "My mom, my real mom gave me away when I was a baby." Trina lowered her hand, exhaling sharply and closing her eyes. "I've always wondered about it, and I forgot…until we went fishing and were throwing away all those fish. D-Did my mom think she was saving me?"

Yes. Trina wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs, to cry and embrace this child in her arms. Instead, she didn't know how to react. This child was confiding in her something and likely didn't realize the connection. Or if she did, she was testing her right now. As for Trina, she still didn't know if she was acknowledging that connection, if it was true or if it was not. And if it was, what could she do?

"Maybe," she replied, "Maybe she knew she couldn't provide a life for you that you deserved." Rachel's brow furrowed and she pursed her lips a bit. Trina's eyes started to fill with moisture and she tried to hold back the tears as much as she tried to hold back the tremble in her voice. All she could do was hope Rachel wasn't noticing. "Maybe she thought you'd be better off in the care of parents that could be better able to provide."

Rachel scoffed. "My first parents. My adoptive daddy passed away and mom became abusive." Trina clenched her eyes shut, feeling the bile in her stomach returning to her throat. "So…I was six when I got put in a foster home, but they didn't want me and gave me back."

"You were six?" She closed her hands firmly in her lap and looked up to the sky for a moment. Six years ago she was doing so much better. If only she had known, if only someone thought to contact her. Maybe, just maybe she could have done something then.

"Yeah. I went to another for two years, but they ignored me. They had younger children of their own, so…" Tears were streaming down Rachel's cheeks now. Trina reached into her pack, shuffling around for any tissues she could give the child. It kept her busy, kept her away from the rush of emotions boiling within her. "So no one wanted me."

Trina hunched forward, her entire body starting to shake. "I'm so sorry, Rachel." She removed a tissue and carefully wiped the tears from the child's face. "I know how that feeling is, what it's like."

"How could you? You had your real parents."

"They weren't the best." She dropped her hand and slowly shook her head, maintaining eye contact with the girl. "They ignored me a lot, and said some things about me that were not very nice."

"Why would anyone do that? You seem so nice…"

"And so do you." She tentatively touched the child's hair and pushed her hand through it, gently stroking each strand. "Some people, I guess 'nice' isn't enough. I've been let down a lot of times when I was younger. I wasn't in a good place emotionally or mentally, I could barely function." Rachel's brow quivered and a soft whine drifted from her lips.

"That doesn't sound good."

"No, no it wasn't. But you know something? It still hurts, but it got better." Rachel smiled for a brief moment, then looked away. "I am so sorry you got put in those bad homes. Nobody deserves to go through those things, and you certainly didn't deserve it."

"I had a good set of foster parents when I was nine." Trina smiled at that, and for a split second she felt a sense of joy that maybe Rachel had at least one good home. "I mean, the mom wasn't really very nice and they fought a lot." In an instant, she was crushed. "But they weren't mean to me. Never."

"So what happened?"

"I got taken away. The mom was doing some bad stuff and couldn't foster me anymore." Rachel's shoulders fell and Trina slowly shook her head.

"I am truly sorry." Trina moved in front of Rachel, looking up into her eyes and holding the child's hands. "This orphanage…how did you wind up there?" Rachel took a deep breath, slowly shaking her head.

"My last foster family. They were the worst. I had siblings. The mom and dad would taunt us when we misbehaved, lock us in a closet for hours." Trina's eyes grew wide and a flicker of rage flashed in them. She wanted to find this couple and tear them limb from limb. She swallowed the lump in her throat and waited during Rachel's brief pause before the girl continued. "They never really wanted any kids, just wanted to look good in the community by being fosters. I told a teacher at school and was placed where I am now."

"Thank god," she whispered. Sighing heavily, she moved upwards and reached around Rachel, giving her a firm hug. All of her fears were realized in that moment, her entire body was shaking like a leaf. "That has always been my worst fear." She didn't catch the words fleeing her lips, and Rachel leaned her head away, giving her another of Jason's inquisitive looks.

"What do you mean?"

Trina was shocked, having come so close to revealing her own suspicions. Struggling to maintain her composure, she mustered a tiny smile. "I-You remember when I said that I wasn't in a good place when I was younger?" Rachel nodded, remaining silent, her wide eyes focusing on Trina. "Do you know what a fiancé is?"

"Some sort of relationship title?"

"Yeah." She chuckled softly and closed her eyes. "When you're going to get married, but not yet married. You're engaged, we call that person your fiancé." Rachel smiled softly as Trina took a strand of the girl's hair between her index finger and thumb. She slid her hand along the strand of hair and tilted her head slowly. "I had just lost my fiancé in a fire. To say I was depressed is a huge understatement."

"Wow. I mean…"

"I was pregnant at the time, about to have a baby of my own." Rachel's eyes grew wider and she sucked in a huge breath of air. Trina lowered her hand and closed her eyes. A trembling sob escaped Trina's lips and she opened her mouth, letting out a strained gasp at the memory. "I-I couldn't take care of a child in my state. There was no way. I was hurting in a terrible way at that time, and the people who were mean to me made me feel like I couldn't do anything; much less raise a child. I didn't believe I'd make a good mother at all, I didn't think there was any chance I could give that baby a happy and healthy life."

"Oh." Rachel grew silent, her eyes dropping a bit. "So, you had to give your baby up."

"Yes." Her voice broke. "I had no choice. I thought I was saving her life…that someone else could give her a better, happier life." Rachel bowed her head and looked off to the side. "But I loved that child with all my heart. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make."

"Sounds like it."

"I prayed day in, day out that she would find a family that would love her, give her a better life than I had." Trina sniffled and quickly wiped away the tears on her face. "I still think about it every day, and I wish I could go back and decide otherwise; but that's the thing with the past." Her heart broke as she tried to recall her father's wise words. "We can't go back and change it, no matter what. We can learn from it and try to move forward, try to be a better person every day."

Rachel glanced back at her. "Do…you think you could take care of your baby now, if you had it now?"

She smiled despite the grief in her heart and gently nodded. "I'm in a much better place than I was all those years ago. I know I'd make a good mom, I know I'd be able to take care of her."

Rachel rocked to the side, her lips moved gently, brushing against each other. "Well, have you ever tried to find her?" Trina had to take a minute to contemplate this.

"I thought about it." Rachel's eyebrows rose and Trina took a deeper breath. "My hope…my hope has always been that she'd be with a good family, that she'd be happy; and if she was, I would never want to tear her from the family that raised her."

"And what if she wasn't?" Trina knew the question was coming, she thought she could prepare for it, but this wasn't possible. "What if she's in a bad place? What if she's like me, and not even in a family?"

She knew her own heart well enough that she could answer the question. She was a fighter, and that fighting spirit in her would have to come out. Oh yes, the claws would come out knowing her daughter was in any kind of danger whatsoever.

"Honestly, Rachel." Her expression toughened and the child seemed to smile at the seriousness passing through her eyes. She felt every bit of her old spirit coursing through her veins, the same part of her she'd shut away for so long. "If I thought my daughter had a life like yours, if I knew something was wrong, then there's no way I could sit idly by. No, that would mean that I put my faith in a system and my faith was wrong. That would mean I may well have put my child in a situation where she'd live a life of neglect and abuse, and…and I just couldn't live with that."

Rachel sighed, her eyes closing over. "I'm sure if that were the case, she wouldn't blame you." Trina's heart began to rise and she smiled as Rachel's gaze opened and drifted into her eyes. "I'm sure she'd understand, realize you thought you were doing best and that you couldn't possibly have known."

She chuckled softly and started to rise. "You know something? You're a very smart child. Just like I was when I was your age, but that's what happens…when you go through terrible things in life, you always seem to age faster than you should."

"Yeah."

"But, even if she felt that way, it would still be hard for me to stomach." And it was, but after hearing Rachel's words, she felt less miserable.

"Do you think that if it were possible for you to get her back-"

"I would do it in a heartbeat."

Rachel grinned. Trina still wasn't completely sure; but her suspicions were stronger. Before she could say much else, Tori interrupted them. "So, guys. This bucket of fish." Tori pointed to the full bucket and Rachel scurried over to it. "Are we going to cook these before sundown or what?"

"Yeah." Trina made her way over. "Let's go ahead, we can make smores later." She put her hands to her waist and looked over at Rachel. "Ever have smores, Rachel?" The child looked up from the fish and scrunched her face. "I'm taking that as a no. Well, you'll enjoy them."

Later that night after everyone was settling down by the campfire, Trina stayed awake while Rachel fell asleep on Tori's lap and Tori nodded off. Trina continued roasting marshmallows and studied the child's sleeping form. With a smile, she rolled her head to the right and let a exhale drift from her lips.

Carefully putting up the hook, she walked over and knelt down beside the pair. "Rachel," she whispered. She gingerly ran her finger through the child's bangs, watching as the girl's eyes fluttered open a bit. "Rachel, time to head to sleep."

Rachel slowly wrapped her arms around Trina's neck and buried her face into her shoulders, mumbling softly as Trina picked her up and carried her to the tent. She laid the child down on the sleeping back and gently tucked her in. "Zip it up please?" Rachel rolled onto her side, her eyes still closed and her arm dropping down towards the zipper of the bag.

"Of course." She zipped up the bag, then sat down on top of her own sleeping bag. After a minute of watching the child drift into slumber, she grabbed a book from her pack and leaned back, opening it up to the bookmark to read. She wasn't planning to go to sleep for a while, anyway.

* * *

I know in Lessons, the trip was three chapters long; so this is a bit condensed. But as I've mentioned already, this is Trina's story, and she's had one major moment with her daughter in that camping trip. Well, do tell your thoughts on this chapter. Another big moment is coming next.


	14. Didn't Start the Fire

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I think you'll appreciate the chapter title a bit, haha

* * *

Chapter 14 (Didn't Start The Fire)

There was not a lot of time to help Tori out at the orphanage lately, mostly because she wasn't an official volunteer and Tori hadn't been able to go out. With Hudson and Barbara under fire for their attack on Tori, the girl was gearing up for a huge court battle. The women Andre found and gathered were all prepped and ready to go, so all that was left was to testify.

At the courtroom, Trina sat through the testimony of the women; but Tori's shocked her the most. She learned just how manipulative this celebrity couple were, and just how close _she_ came to being an aunt if not for Hudson and his wife essentially forcing Tori to get an abortion.

She wanted to kill them, and kept visualizing them being run over with a steamroller. Still, she was proud for how far Tori had come. Her sister was bolder, and seemed to be so much more capable than ever before. If she had any doubts that Tori would be able to take care of herself, this day washed any of those away.

Towards the end of it, Trina hugged her sister in tears. Andre stood next to them, beaming with pride. If only he could testify; but alas, this was not quite a murder trial. "Thank you for looking after her," Trina told Andre while hugging him as well. Tori raised her eyebrows at the exchange and Andre flashed a smile.

"Ah, you know I wouldn't let anything happen to your sister." He smiled at Tori and gave her a respectful nod. "You did really great in there. Got any other plans today?" Tori glanced at Trina and raised a finger to her lips, slowly biting the tip of her nail.

"Actually…I was going to run over to the orphanage and do some work. I had a few questions for Gloria as well."

"Sounds good."

"Want to come with me, Trina?"

"Wish I could, but I have some stuff to take care of." She was going to go check on her dad for a bit and get some much needed errands done. She thought about swinging by the orphanage later and checking up on Rachel. All her friends were trying to get her to take action, each of them seemingly convinced that Rachel was her daughter.

Truth be told, she was more and more convinced of it with each passing moment; and the more time they spent together, the more it pained her to be apart. She'd have to call Gloria, without a doubt, and see if there was anything she could do at all. Especially if Rachel was her daughter, she wanted to try and adopt, since she figured she was going to have to go the adoption route regardless.

After Tori left, Trina turned to Andre and met his gaze. Her heart rose as she raised a hand to his shoulder and let it slide down his arm. "Thank you again." He raised his eyebrow as she gave his arm a quick squeeze. "I appreciate everything you've done for her."

"It's not me, she's done all the work." He grinned and pat her on the shoulder. "Anyway, call me if you need anything. I'm going to go relieve the babysitter." She nodded.

"Sure thing. Tell Ophelia I said hello."

"I will."

Some time later, Trina was on her to the grocery store to pick up some much needed produce. She was almost done with a good amount of her business today, having run by the bank and cleaned up the house a little bit. As she stopped at a streetlight, she absently tapped the steering wheel with her thumb. Her eyes scanned the road and then she glanced at the sideways light to see when it would shift from green to yellow.

Unfortunately, just as she was getting ready to turn, she heard a siren approaching from the distance. She craned her neck and looked to her right, frowning when she saw a fire truck blaring its horn. Just as it continued it's approach, her car's Bluetooth chimed out a message from her father. Figuring she had nothing else to do, she hit the read button.

"Trina, I just heard on the news, the orphanage is on fire." Her heart stopped and her eyes froze on the road ahead of her. Just as the fire truck whizzed by, she readied herself for the turn. The second the green arrow lit up, she slammed on the gas as though on impulse.

"This isn't happening," she said between rapid breaths, "Not again."

It was clear as day, her sister was at the orphanage and the child that was her daughter was there too. "God no, not again." She pushed down harder on the gas, keeping her eyes fixated on the truck in the distance. "No. No you don't. I will fucking go in there if I have to…" She stopped her train of thought short and shook her head.

She couldn't do that. She knew she couldn't do that. For one, the firemen wouldn't allow it; but she also had to stay alive. If Rachel made it out of there, she had to be there for her. There was no question about it, she wasn't going to sacrifice anything more, she had to trust the firemen to do their job and trust Rachel to be okay.

It was difficult, she knew, but she knew the chances of survival weren't great if she went running into a blaze.

Part of her hoped it wasn't too bad; but that hope was dashed when she drove closer. The entire building seemed engulfed with flame. "No!" She stepped out of her car, screaming at the top of her lungs.

The front entrance was blocked and the firefighters were trying to find a way inside.

She ran her hand through her hair and began to pace, biting her lips so hard blood began to sprout. "Please get out of there, please be okay." If she didn't see them, she would find a way inside, like it or not.

Looking around the area, she was shocked to see Hudson and Barbara standing nearby. Barbara had a maniacal look on her face while Hudson was looking at her and shaking his head.

She had a thought to confront them then and there, but thought better of it when she heard someone screaming. "Help!" The girl coughed and ran around the building, waving her arms. "Help!" Trina extended her arms, calling out at the top of her lungs to the firefighters.

"Someone got out!" The men looked at the girl and surrounded her in an instant. Within a few seconds, she was guiding them somewhere.

Feeling the palpitations of her heart thrusting against her chest, she closed her eyes and began uttering rushed whispers, praying for her daughter's safety and for her sister.

Suddenly, several children were rushing around the building. They were led by an older boy, Trina recognized him as one of the older kids around the area-Jacob. Robbie and Cat had been spending some time with the boy.

Trina wrung her hands together, hunched up her shoulders and began pacing. When she heard more voices, she looked up and saw Gloria being led out with a few people. The woman was sweating profusely and her eyes seemed to be rolling in and out.

Another sound reached her ears and she looked at the front entrance in time to see the firemen pulling it apart from the inside. Not long after, Tori emerged from the smoke, her arm in front of her soot covered face. Trina cried out in alarm and ran forward.

"Tori! Oh god, Tori." She threw her arms around her sister, burying her tearstained face into her shoulders. "Thank god you're safe. I drove over here as fast as I could."

"Yeah. S-Safe." Tori coughed out and looked around. The girl's face scrunched and her brow seemed to tense. "Hang on." Tori pulled away and stepped forward. "Something's wrong, something's not right." Trina's heart stopped as she began looking at the people escaping the blaze.

"Sis?" There was something different about Tori in this moment, a strange look of determination that Trina had only seen once before. In Jason, just before he charged blindly into the flames. Trina's voice began to tremble as she extended her hand to Torid. "Sis?"

"Hang on, Tori. Sorry, just hang on." Tori walked over to a staff member that was taking a headcount. Trina heard her say something about Rachel. Her heart sank and she looked at the orphanage with a startled gasp, her hand closed at her chest and she whimpered fearfully.

It was Jacob who answered Tori's question. "She was with us earlier, when the fire started." Trina cupped a hand over her mouth and shut her eyes. "She left the rooms with us, but she broke away from the group." Tori glanced back at the building and Trina felt her knees starting to buckle. "Last I saw her, she was going back to her room. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen. I think she forgot that dog of hers."

"No," Trina whispered, "Oh god no. Not that stupid dog toy." Trina tried to approach Tori, but the girl was running before she could say anything.

"Rachel's still in there, Trina!" Tori reached out, her fingers bending as the tears ran down her face. She whimpered again and moved her hand to her face. Once again, she couldn't stop someone from running into the fire. At the same time, she wanted Rachel out. She wanted her daughter.

"Oh god, please…please, god…" She clasped her hands together and raised them up, lowering her forehead onto her knuckles as she shivered. "Please god."

Her tears were falling from her cheeks and she was using every ounce of her strength not to scream, not to collapse, and even more not to attack the hideous couple standing just a few yards away. Somehow, she knew, somehow they were responsible for this.

"If I lose them. If I lose her now, god if I lose her…" There was another loud noise and Trina looked up in time to see Tori following a guard through the last bit of rubble. Her hands folded over her mouth and she cried out when she saw Rachel in Tori's arms. The child was clutching the small gingham dog in arms. "Oh thank god!"

Tori carried the child towards her and Trina extended her arms. "Hang onto her would you?" Tori said, though it was more of a statement than a request. "You need to hold onto her, she needs you." Trina nodded and clutched Rachel close to her breast. She glanced down with a tiny smile. The girl was breathing, her eyes barely open. "You're safe now. You're safe."

She walked towards a pair of paramedics and allowed them to place Rachel on a nearby stretcher. She tucked her hand under her chin, studying the white dog that Rachel went after. With a frown, she saw a hole in the chest where old stitching had been torn.

Trina remained silent and followed the paramedics into the ambulance. She heard Tori cry out at the top of her lungs, screaming an accusation at Hudson and Barbara. When she looked out of the ambulance, she heard a confession being played on a recording. Her heart stopped when she heard Hollywood Arts mentioned.

"They were responsible?" The realization struck her like a ton of bricks, ripping her breath from her lungs. "Jason died because of them?" She blinked twice and shook her head. Peering down at Rachel, she watched as the young girl coughed in her sleep. "It's okay," she whispered. She moved her hand to the girl's forehead, smiling tearfully as she ran her hand through the girl's hair. "I'm here."

Once they were at the hospital, Trina stayed in Rachel's room. The nurse brought her a needle and thread that she requested and she decided to sew up the stuffed toy, smiling softly. "There you are, Snowflake, good as new." Before sewing up the dog, she had been examining the small photograph inside, now crinkled and heavily faded. A picture of two young sisters standing arm in arm. She decided to add a picture with it, two to be exact; one was the photo Rachel took of her and Tori at the museum and the other was a photograph that Trina took of Rachel at camp while she was sleeping.

She made her way towards the child and carefully placed the dog on the end table beside Rachel. She reached down and moved her hand along Rachel's head, resting it just underneath the child. "I'll be right back," she whispered, "Don't you worry little one. You won't have to worry about a thing anymore…"

Anxiety was filling her heart and she slowly left the room, trying to swallow the lump swelling in her throat. Trina stopped before the door into the next room and sucked in a heavy breath. "Here goes." She calmly turned the doorknob and leaned her head into the room. "H-Hello?"

Inside the room was Gloria, the sweet old lady that ran the orphanage. She had a laptop on the bed and was typing furiously, stopping only when Trina stepped in. The woman looked up at her with a smile. "Ah, Trina hi!" Trina chuckled nervously.

"Do you ever stop working? You just survived a massive fire."

"I did! That's even more reason to keep working. Adoptions continue, but so do bills and financial matters." Gloria set the laptop to the side and folded her hands on her abdomen. The woman sighed and tilted her head at her. "So, how is little Rachel? I heard she made it out."

"She did. Thank god." Trina pulled a chair up to Gloria's bed and took a seat. "Tori um…Tori went back in there. It was harrowing." She closed her eyes. "I never thought I'd have to live through that a second time…"

"A second time?"

"I-I had a fiancé who died in a fire twelve years ago." Gloria hummed and her eyes began to drift towards her laptop. "Tori was trapped inside. Jason ran into the fire to pull her out. I-I waited for them both to come out, but only Tori did. He saved her life."

"I see."

"Now, history repeats itself."

"Does it?" Gloria smiled and shut her eyes. "Seems Tori's alive and well. Seems Rachel is too." Trina gasped softly and said nothing as Gloria turned her laptop around, revealing the file she had up on Rachel. "I'd been looking at the file a bit. Tori asked me to originally, and I found some of her paperwork. It was lost in the fire, but everything we have has a digital copy." Trina began to tremble, her head bowing in realization of what Gloria meant. "Seems the birth mother is indeed listed on the file." Gloria raised her eyebrows. "Did you know?"

"Not at first. Tori didn't either, I hadn't told her in all of these years." Gloria hummed softly and responded with an understanding nod. "I…I was in a very dark place back then when I gave her up. Jason had just died and I-I was in no shape to raise a baby."

"It's a tough situation that many parents find themselves in, unfortunately."

Trina pressed her lips tight and closed her hands a bit. "Even so, my current circumstances are such that I…I'd like to take Rachel in." Gloria's smile spread to a wide grin and she spread her hands outwards.

"That would be fantastic. Of course, I will have to run background checks and interview you. If you don't mind doing an interview…" Gloria motioned to the chair. "You're already seated." Trina's heart skipped and her eyes grew wide.

"What? Now? I mean-"

"Rachel is one of my favorites, and I know both you and your sister have done a great job caring for her. She's quite taken with you. So, yes, I would like to go ahead and run an interview with you for consideration of fostering."

"Foster?"

Gloria frowned. "Unfortunately you have to go that route first. You must foster, and then be able to adopt after a certain period of time. I have little doubt that you will be successful, but it is the process of adoption."

"I understand." Her heart was racing with excitement. So much, she didn't know what to say or what to expect.

After the interview, she was shaking from head to toe. She reentered Rachel's room and sat down, covering her face with a trembling hand. She was beyond scared, terrified of what would come.

She didn't know if she could do it, but she knew she had to try. For this little girl, she had to try. She was terrified of what Rachel might think, whether she might shy away from her, be angry at her or if she would like her.

One thing was certain, David would be ecstatic. She had her daughter back, nothing else could fill her with such joy as that. "Thank you, Tori." She chuckled as the words left her lips. "Thank you for saving her…"'

* * *

So we've arrived at a literal breaking point. Trina has her daughter back, so now we shall see how they both grow. Your thoughts on this chapter?


	15. Reunited

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 15 (Reunited)

Rachel woke up plenty of times, though not fully awake enough to feel like talking. Eventually she woke up and looked ready to get out of the hospital bed. Trina had been there for every moment. Andre was there as well for a visit, and brought his daughter along.

Trina was thrilled to see Rachel sitting upright and looking about the room. Eventually her gaze fell onto Andre and Ophelia. She leaned a bit towards Trina, never moving her gaze off them. "Who?" Trina chuckled and motioned at the pair.

"My good friend, Andre Harris. You remember, we took you to one of his performances." Rachel leaned back, her lips forming an oval. "And that's his daughter, Ophelia." Ophelia hurried over to the bed, bouncing happily.

"Hi, I'm eight. I heard a lot about you." Rachel leaned back slowly, her eyes growing wider, then blinking. "I hope we can be friends." Trina cleared her throat and Andre knelt beside his daughter.

"Honey, give her a moment," he said. Ophelia nodded and took a step back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle."

Rachel moved her hand to her head and groaned softly. She glanced around again until she saw her stuffed dog, then grabbed it off the table with a surprised gasp. She turned the dog over and her jaw dropped when she saw the freshly sewn needlework.

Trina reached over, placing her hand on top of the dog. "I hope you don't mind, I added a couple pictures and sewed Snowflake back up for you." Rachel froze, her head lifting slightly as her lips formed a tiny smile. "I um, I spoke with Miss Gloria."

"Gloria?" Rachel squeaked. "Is Miss Gloria okay? The orphanage…"

"Everyone made it out, and the orphanage is still standing." Trina could see the relief flash in the child's eyes. It was surprising, but good as well because it showed how much she cared for the place that she had to call home for the last few years of her life. "Jacob let everyone know you were still in there."

"Jake…How is he?"

"He's good. You remember that lady Tori took you to when you were trying out singing?" Rachel scrunched her face and Trina chuckled. "She mentioned you didn't much care for it."

"Not much. It was nice seeing Mr. Shapiro's home though, and his wife was nice too."

"They are really good people. Well, they ended up taking Jacob into their home." Rachel's eyes lit up and her smile spread. Clearly, the girl was happy for him. "And um, I hope it's alright with you…That I can take you home." Rachel blinked several times before breathing in deep.

"What? You mean-you mean you want to adopt me?" Trina nodded, her eyes were beginning to water. "But, I opened Snowflake, I saw the picture. I know…I know you're my real mom…" Trina sniffed and started to nod.

"I figured it out too, after the camping trip. That's why I spoke to Gloria. She said we still have to go through the standard channels, so I have to foster you first; but you're my daughter, and I would love to have you with me." Rachel started to sniffle, slowly nodding her head.

There was a cringe in her face and the girl looked down at her body. "It still hurts a little bit." Trina furrowed her brow and reached down, slowly rubbing the child's knee. There'd been a gash over it from where she fell down, the doctors had to stitch it up; but said it wouldn't affect anything. They also had to treat some burns on Rachel's body.

"Your body needs time to recover from the fire. You cut yourself pretty bad in there, and had a few burns that need healing. You can be out and about, playing in no time."

There was a knock at the door. It opened slightly and Cat poked her head in. "Hi," Cat said with an enthusiastic tone, "Can we come in?" Trina saw her daughter glance over at her and shrug. Figuring it'd be okay to have a visitor, so long as they didn't get too excitable and just let Rachel adjust and gather her bearings.

"Sure, come on in."

Cat entered the room with Robbie, and alongside them was Jacob. Rachel opened her mouth in a wide smile and tried to raise her arm to wave. "Jake." Jacob waved at her and scurried over to her side.

"Hi, I was worried," Jacob remarked, "Glad you're okay." Rachel closed her eyes and held her smile. "Did you hear? I got adopted out. These are my new parents."

"Good for you. I think I might be getting adopted out too."

Jacob chuckled and raised a hand. "Score one for the older kids." Rachel let out a small, content chuckle, and planted a palm on his hand. "Miss Gloria says a lot of people are lining up to adopt after the fire."

"Isn't she in the room next door?" Rachel looked over at Trina with wide eyes. Trina nodded in response and Jacob sighed heavily.

"She wasn't injured, she was having a heart attack though. So they wanted to keep her for a few days to watch over her condition. Get this." He raised his hands again, stretching out his fingers, his eyes opened wide. "She has not stopped working once."

"I'd say that's a good thing for us," Robbie remarked jokingly. He beamed with pride as Jacob looked up to him.

"Definite. I loved that place, but I'm glad someone's getting us out of there." He looked back to Rachel. "What about you? You said you were getting adopted out too?"

"My birth mom." Jacob gasped and watched Rachel extend a hand to Trina. The gesture almost made Trina drop to the ground in a fit of tears, her heart skyrocketed and she took Rachel's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Jacob did a fist pump in the air.

"I knew it! How do you feel about it?"

"Um…kind of just finding out. I uh, I don't know." Trina took a deep breath and looked up at Andre, who reassured her with a smile. She knew it would take a while to adjust, for everyone. She had to adjust herself. "How are you feeling? Mr. Shapiro is a great teacher."

"I know, you talk about him all the time." Rachel's face turned red and Jacob laughed. "I guess I got adopted out by the legend, then?" Robbie bowed his head and coughed, he couldn't hide the smile on his face, however. Cat looked to him and playfully nudged his ribs.

Andre reached around Robbie's shoulder, then nodded to Trina. "Why don't we give the kids some time to talk, we can just step outside so we don't overwhelm Rachel." The others agreed and Trina started to stand, looking at Rachel tenderly.

"Will you be alright if I step out for a second?" Rachel glanced up, then nodded. "I'll be right outside this door if you need anything." She walked outside with the others and leaned back against the wall, letting out another heavy breath.

"Well?" Trina felt Cat's hands on her shoulders and glanced up as the girl looked into her eyes. "Take a few deep breaths."

"I'm okay, just-just nervous." It was difficult as hell adjusting to this, she was going to be a mother and was scared out of her mind. "I thought the frightening part was realizing she was my daughter, and knowing that I wanted to bring her back into my life. Now…Now that's happening, and I'm terrified."

"That's normal. We're scared too." Cat and Robbie exchanged knowing glances. "We're going to be parents for the first time." Trina smiled a bit and Cat tilted her head to the right. "We have a lot to learn; but we have friends with children. I'm sure Jade, Andre, Beck can all offer a lot of great advice."

"Great to have a support system," Andre replied, "Your kids are in great hands with you. Just don't be awkward, they can pick up on that-especially older children."

Trina covered her mouth, nervously chuckling into her hand. "I'm trying not to be awkward. I'm just scared to death." She lowered her hand a bit. "What if I'm not ready?"

"If you weren't ready, you would not have made the decision that you did, when you did."

"I don't even have a husband, I don't have anyone to help me."

"Not true." Andre blinked and nodded his head a bit. "Granted, yes, you're not married; but neither am I. Ophelia has never had a mother, but she's had plenty of female role models in her life." Trina smiled a bit. "You know I'll be there for anything you need. You have all of us, and your dad's bound to be a great asset."

Trina jolted upright and her hands flew to her mouth. She'd forgotten to let David know. "Oh shit, Dad! I haven't called him about Rachel yet. We don't even have a room ready or anything."

"That's okay. You still have to set up. Go ahead and call your dad, I'm sure he's going to appreciate not being surprised." Trina nodded and shuffled through her purse, trying to find her phone. After fumbling through her items, she removed her phone and dialed her father.

Pacing the floor, Trina had to take several deep breaths while running through what she was going to say through her head. No amount of mental preparation could prepare her for this. This was happening, it was real.

Eventually her father answered, and rather than say anything she rehearsed in her mind, she blurted out the worst possible phrase. "Dad, you're a grandpa." David took a moment to clear his throat.

"Yes dear, I am aware. I've never met this grandchild yet, as you can recall."

"No. Dad. You are a grandfather…" A serious look came over her face and she stood still, waiting for her father to take it in. "I decided." He started to gasp, his voice rising.

"What? Are you trying to say what I think you are?"

"I'm adopting Rachel. Have to foster her first, but…the ball is rolling."

"Sweet Jesus, when did-god, I can't believe it!"

"Once she's out of the hospital, we're going to collect her things from the orphanage and bring her home." At some point her father must have set the phone down, because she was sure she could hear him hollering in the background.

She couldn't help but to grin, her heart was swelling with excitement and she wanted to dance just as much.

He returned to the phone, his voice quivering and breathless. "What do I do? How do I prepare? I don't even have a gift."

"It's okay, I don't really want to overwhelm her. Just be normal. Answer any questions she has, and well, tell her about mom. Tell her all the stories you can from your past."

"Of course."

They chatted for a couple more minutes before hanging up. Trina couldn't help but to wonder about her current job, if it was enough to take care of Rachel. She figured it would be, with all the help she was getting from everyone, she had a great support team.

This was a beginning, if nothing else. "So many things going on right now." Trina walked up to Andre and chuckled lightly. "You know Tori wants to be a firefighter?" Andre raised an eyebrow and hummed thoughtfully.

"That's something. She's a hero, though, I'll give her that. If she wants to do it, then she may as well." He folded his arms and studied Trina for a few seconds. Trina looked at Rachel's hospital door, her heart was beating heavily. "What do you think of it? It's a dangerous job. Surely you're concerned that it might be too much for her?"

"What?" She blinked twice and tore her gaze from the door. "No." She shrugged and watched him smile. Cat and Robbie raised their eyebrows up and looked at each other. "I mean, I am worried as anyone would be. Dad was police officer, so I'm used to family members having dangerous jobs. As for Tori, if it's what she wants, then who am I to complain?"

Andre's lips formed a smirk and he quickly nodded. "Good. You let her live her life, it's her life now. You have yours to think about, yours and your daughter."

"Right." She looked back to the door and breathed out slowly. "My daughter." She was amazed how the words just rolled off her tongue. It felt right, and after so many years, it felt like a weight rolling off her shoulders. "Tori brought my daughter back to me." She chuckled once as a tear ran down her face. "How silly a thought is that?"

"Well, all your life you've sacrificed everything for her. Risked everything for your sister."

"And even lost Jason." She closed her eyes. "And all these years later, Tori comes back into my life and just happens to risk herself for Rachel." Trina paused for a second, her eyes drifting towards the ground. "Is it bad to say, this feels a bit like a win?"

Andre laughed and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You deserve it, Trina." She leaned her head towards him and raised a hand up, placing it over his as she closed her eyes. "You do deserve it."

* * *

There's the chapter, next will be up soon


	16. Who We Are

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 16 (Who We Are)

The group helped Trina gather what was left of Rachel's things from the orphanage, with the help of the young child, who assisted via a computer webcam. Once the hospital declared her ready to leave the hospital, it was a quiet drive home.

Every so often, Trina would look over at the girl. Rachel was gazing through the window and holding her camera with careful hands. "I think you'll like your first home." Rachel looked over and a smile flickered on her face.

"Out of the city a bit…"

"Yes. For now, I had to move in with my dad to help take care of him. It's quiet out here." She was going to have to figure out their living arrangements since the house only had two bedrooms. She was taking up the second room, but that would be going to Rachel. Most likely, she would have to add a small bed to her father's room.

At the same time, there was some space in the attic; so she could make a bedroom out of that space for herself. "We'll have to set up your bedroom, of course. It's a little short notice…" She winced. "Sorry…" Rachel raised her eyebrows and cracked a smile.

"That's okay. Can I help set up?"

"Of course you can." Her heart skipped and she took a deep breath. "There's only two bedrooms; but I think there might be some space in the attic. I'll make myself a room up there."

The girl perked up a bit more. "Can I have the attic space?" Trina hummed a bit and Rachel rolled her shoulders up. "I like upper floors. Think about the views." She had to admit, the view was gorgeous. The front of the house faced the sunset, and if she wasn't mistaken, the space that was on her mind had a window at the front of the house.

"We'll take a look at it. If you like it, I think we can make a room for you there."

"Great." Rachel leaned forward, reaching into the small red backpack positioned between her feet. Gingerly, she removed a maple framed photograph. Trina glanced sideways at the picture and her breathing still.

It was a picture that Trina had of Jason, she thought it would be appropriate to give Rachel a picture of her father. The photograph was the result of an impromptu date after a martial arts class, so he was still wearing his black GI. Inspired, Trina took him to get a portrait style photo done. He was sitting, his head slightly turned and his hair slicked back. His lip was tucked up in a sly smile, and he still had a fresh bit of stubble not shaved. His piercing, protective gaze seemed to breathe life into the portrait, as if he were watching over them.

Rachel placed her hand on the picture, sliding her fingers down along her father's figure. She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. "I want to hang this on my wall…what was he like?"

She feared this question, only because she didn't know how to answer it. "Well." Trina chuckled softly, recalling various memories of Jason. Memories were always the best way to describe someone, in her eyes, much better than words. "I remember one night when we were walking in a park, and it was late at night." Rachel leaned her head back, closing her eyes as though trying to visualize.

"It was a beautiful day, and an even better night. Springtime, so the air was cool, yet warm enough I only had a shirt on. It started to rain, all of a sudden, so he took off his jacket and put it on my shoulders." Trina slowed the car as she approached a stoplight. "He was always so thoughtful, loving, and protective. Whenever I was upset over something, he always knew what to say to make me laugh. I adored him, and was looking forward to starting a life with him. No one else made feel the way he did."

"Think he would have liked me?"

"I know he would have."

"So…" Rachel lowered the picture and turned her head towards Trina. Her nose wiggled and her brow started to furrow. "If he didn't pass away, you would have kept me?" In an instant, she felt the air shoot from her lungs as though sucked away by a vacuum. Her heartbeat started to increase and her eyes closed over.

"Rachel, I-"

The girl shook her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to imply or-"

"No, it's okay." She reached over and gently pat the girl's knee. She smiled tenderly as her eyes began to glaze over. "You deserve a response. It's difficult to talk about right now, and it's hard to explain; but I will try."

"I don't want to put you on the spot. You don't even have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"I want to. I want you to know that I will always be as open and honest as I can be with you. We should be able to discuss anything." She moved her hand back to the steering wheel and inhaled. "Back then, even before Jason passed away, I was in a very bad place mentally and emotionally." Rachel's lips formed an oval and she looked down at the picture. "Jason, your father, was my rock. My support, and the only thing keeping me from losing it completely. I know he would have made a fantastic father, and at that time, maybe a better parent to you than I would have been."

"Oh."

"It's hard to explain, especially without knowing the right things to say. You know Tori?" Rachel nodded. "Growing up, she wasn't the most healthy child, so I was so obsessed with protecting her from everything. I…didn't know who I was anymore by the time Jason came into my life. He began to remind me, to pull out that person that I was supposed to be. If that makes any sense at all."

"A little."

"When he died, I…lost everything. I lost faith, I lost hope, I-I went through some very dark times, so much that I actually started to ignore my own sister and stopped paying any attention to her." Rachel's eyebrows rose and Trina began to shake. As her voice began to crack, she cleared her throat to still be able to talk. A tear ran down her face and she breathed in calmly. "I would not have made a good mom after he died. I would not have been able to provide the love and care that you would have needed at that time. So, to answer your question…yes, I would have kept you had he not passed away. Once he died, I couldn't grow anymore; and it took years before I started to find myself…and I still am, to this day."

"Mr. Shapiro says we never stop growing, that even when we get old, we can still learn new things about ourselves."

Trina smiled gently. "Yeah, he's a smart man and a good teacher." Rachel leaned sideways and rested her head on Trina's bicep. She felt her heart skip as the young girl started to exhale.

"If it's a comfort at all, I'm still finding out a lot about myself." Trina chuckled softly and looked down to her daughter.

"We'll learn together, then." Rachel sat upright and ran the back of her hand across her eyes. "I need to continue driving. We're almost home. I know Dad's looking forward to seeing you."

"Same."

It wasn't much longer before they arrived. David was sitting out on the porch, his elbows resting on the arms of his wheelchair and hands folded in his lap. As they drove into the drive, Trina noticed a huge grin on her father's face and a gleam in his eyes.

Rachel exited the car after she did and slowly walked over to her side. Trina rested a hand on the girl's back and walked with her towards the house. "So who do we have here?" David asked with his grin increasing some more. "I've waited twelve long years to meet you." Rachel nodded gently, looked up at her mother for a few seconds, then took a step towards David.

"It's great to meet you. Um…" She glanced back at Trina. "What do I call him? He's my grandpa, right? So…"

David laughed. "Call me Grandpa! Call me Gramps if you like." Rachel smiled at him and approached him.

"Okay. Grandpa it is. It's not rude if I ask about the chair, is it?" David shook his head gently. "What happened?"

"Oh, it's a long story. I'll tell you a bit later if you like." Trina wasn't too sure she wanted the exact details shared right now. It wouldn't be too much though, Rachel seemed to understand a great deal more than most kids at this point in her life. "Let's just say it's a work-related injury for now." He winked and Rachel nodded gently.

"Okay. So, you can't ever walk?"

"I'm afraid not. The doctors say there's a surgery that could restore a bit of those broken nerves; but I'm just not sure it's worth it for an old man like me."

Rachel laughed. "You're not old. You don't look that old." David laughed in response and brightened a bit more as the girl hugged him.

"Well, I am sixty-two now." He hugged her back and closed his eyes. Trina leaned against one of the porch's support pillars and folded her arms, gazing at the pair with a proud smile. This was the happiest she'd seen her father in a very long time. He leaned back and let out a whimsical sigh. "'Fraid that makes me a pretty useless old man, but I can still cook a darn good breakfast."

"It's true!" Trina walked forward, lowering her arms. "You've not tasted heaven until you've had his sausage, eggs, and biscuits and gravy breakfast." Rachel brightened up and licked her lips.

"Sounds good already."

"Don't forget about my bacon." He raised a hand and wagged a finger in the air. "Sprinkled with brown sugar and a maple syrup glaze." Rachel's eyes started to widen and she looked up at Trina with a gasp.

"Can we eat breakfast right now?"

Trina laughed heartily as David looked up, seemingly ready to begin cooking. "Why don't we go inside and settle down a bit first?" Rachel nodded and hurried over to the car, then opened the back door to grab one of the suitcases from inside. Trina placed a hand on one of the handles of David's chair and he let out a sigh.

"You know what?" He tilted his head and his eyes started to glisten. "That corrective surgery, maybe I might actually consider it. I know I won't be running around, but…"

"I think you should think about it. Mom always thought so too. It isn't all that expensive with your insurance."

"I haven't wanted to for the longest time. Didn't care. But you have your daughter, and I don't know that I want to feel like a useless bump on a log that you have to push around everywhere."

"You know I don't think that about you, Dad."

"I know, but I feel like it." He watched as Rachel continued to pull items from the car, running over to the front to grab her backpack. "I was thinking about it a little bit ago. What if I want to go to the park with my granddaughter? I don't want to be that old codger stuck in a chair with my granddaughter pushing me down a trail. I was strong once. I always wanted to be that old man that my children and grandchildren had to keep up with. I know I'd probably never be that great again, even with this newfangled medicine and restructuring stuff they have, but…"

"I would support whatever you want to do."

"I'm sick of looking and feeling like a frail old man, and I don't want to end up dying in a year or two." He smirked. "Though that would help you out a lot." Trina raised an eyebrow and looked down at her father with a sigh.

"You might consider reworking your last will, anyway." David grumbled a bit and crossed his arms. She knew her father wrote Tori out of the willlong ago. All of his money, his estate and everything had been left to Trina. "Tori's better now. She's working on things. She-"

"She didn't even bother to come over and spend any time with us before your mother died. You know how much that broke Holly."

"You can't stay mad at Tori forever. You know how hurt she'd be to be left out of your will."

"Good. Maybe she'll know how it felt to be left out and ignored." Trina rolled her eyes and sighed. David looked up at her with a sorrowful smile. "I'll think about it. I just…I just need time. I'm still sorting things out."

"I think we all are. You, me, Tori, Rachel…"

"Yeah." He sighed heavily, his head shaking from side to side. "Poor girl. So young, and even she's had a rough time of it. The world never seems to stop dealing out bad hands."

"Usually changes eventually, maybe now it's starting to turn."

"I wish I didn't miss out on that camping trip you took a while back. I can't do anything anymore without my legs, it seems. Hunting, fishing, hiking…what use am I?"

"You can still do a lot." She pat her father on the shoulder. "Like making that breakfast you were just talking about." David smiled at her and started to turn his chair around.

"Right. You'd better go help your daughter bring everything inside." She stepped off the porch.

"Of course." Rachel looked over and waved her arm in the air. "I'm coming to help. Let's get you unpacked."

* * *

So a lot going on here, a lot of thoughts and emotions from everyone. David's actually considering a reconstructive surgery that may restore his ability to walk. That's something. Rachel's got so much to learn about her family and herself, and then of course Trina's got a lot. We know she's still thinking about those old dreams that she gave up. Maybe now, she got her child back, maybe those dreams will come back too. What are your thoughts on everything in this chapter? Will David _ever_ write Tori back into his final will. So much to go on, the story continues.


	17. Becoming a Mom

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 17 (Becoming a Mom)

Trina guided Rachel through the house, showing her room after room. Eventually, they climbed into the attic and found the empty space that Trina had mentioned before. She thought that someone had used it as a room in the past, because it was already made up as such.

The floor was padded with hardwood flooring, albeit dusty, and brightly lit by the sun shining in through the glossy window panes. Rachel walked up to the window, wiped it with her shirt and gazed out. "Ooh! I really like this!" Trina approached the window and looked out.

The view was an expansive one, showing what looked like miles of trees and grass. She could see cars driving on the roads in the distance, and various buildings that were slightly covered by the trees. The point where the sky met the treetops created a beautiful backdrop, and once the sun would set, it would duck behind the trees and beams of light would shine between them.

"You're right, it is a breathtaking view." She turned around and scanned the area. They'd have to do some dusting and sweeping; but after a bit of touching up, this place would look fantastic. "A bit of cleaning and we'll have this place ready to go in no time."

"Let's start now!"

"In a minute. First, I think your grandpa has food ready." Rachel grinned and started to make her way to the exit.

"Breakfast for dinner, there needs to be more places that do that."

"You know, Waffle House serves breakfast twenty-four seven." Rachel stopped and looked back, her eyes growing wide. Trina smirked, feeling great to teach her daughter about some places that maybe she'd not been to before. "Then there's IHOP and Denny's. But, I prefer your grandpa's cooking a bit more."

They made their way downstairs and into the kitchen where David was finishing up. Trina grabbed a few plates and started to set the table. Rachel picked the chair against the back wall and licked her lips as David started to place the food down.

"I gave those sausage patties a light honey glaze, I think you'll enjoy them." Seeing the bliss and anticipation light up on Rachel's face filled Trina with a sense of joy, she couldn't wait to see the child's delight in the food.

It didn't take long. David and Trina waited eagerly as Rachel bit into the sausage. Her eyes light up and she quickly scarfed it down. The peppered sausage gravy biscuit was next, followed by the bacon and then the eggs. Trina was impressed, her child ate like there was no tomorrow.

"It is so good." Rachel stopped momentarily, her face twitching as she glanced up. "I hope I'm not annoying you." David moved his head back and Trina smiled.

"You're not at all."

"I've always eaten fast. It's a habit." Trina understood it, though she had her thoughts on where and how that habit originated. She was noticing something else as well, something peculiar-the more excited Rachel became, the more she twitched. The calmer she was, the twitching wasn't prevalent. This was also true when the girl was focusing on something, or conversing, the twitches were nonexistent.

She'd seen this before and was in shock that she was seeing it again in her daughter.

She was about to say something when she saw Rachel's wrist twitch and flick her hand into the glass of water in front of her. Rachel's eyes grew large as the glass shattered on the ground. The surprise on her face turned to horror, then tears filled her eyes.

"No," Rachel whispered. "Stupid…" Before anyone had time to react, the girl bolted from the table, her face red as a tomato. David frowned and turned his attention to Trina.

"What just happened?"

"Hold on." Trina stood up, dropping her napkin on the table and following after Rachel. She climbed up into the attic and stopped at the door. "Rachel?" She heard a shuttering noise, followed by silence. Carefully, she pushed the door open and saw Rachel curled up amid the packed suitcases. "Hey. Wanna talk?"

Rachel lifted her face from her knees, still holding her arms around her legs. Tears streaked her face and she gently shook her head.

"I'm not upset about the glass, it was only an accident." Rachel looked away, her gaze sinking as her face went blank. "I think I know what this is about." Her daughter wiped a finger beneath her nose and clenched her eyes shut. Trina sat beside her, crossing her legs and looking around the room. "You want to help unpack your things?"

"No." The response was sharp and quick. "You're not going to like me anymore."

"Because you have tourettes?" Rachel's mouth hung open and her brow started to furrow. "You know who else had Tourettes?" She raised a closed hand and began uncurling her fingers one at a time. "Eric Benotas, the famous Olympic bobsledder…Nascar driver, Steve Wallace, the old baseball star, Jim Eisenreich and one of my favorite skateboarding heroes. Lane Easley." Rachel blinked twice and Trina started to smirk. "You know who else had it?"

"Who?"

"Your namesake." Rachel jerked her head back and Trina's smile broadened. "My grandma, Rachel.

"R-Really?" Rachel leaned sideways and Trina gave a quick, fervent nod.

"There's nothing wrong with it. From what I've seen, it looks like you have a pretty mild form of it. Grandma had a mild form of it too. She always said it was easier to control as she got older, and that focusing on things actually lessoned the twitches."

"Some of my fosters got mad if I would break something, said I was weird and threatened to give me back if I kept twitching."

"No." Trina put an arm around Rachel's shoulders and pulled her close. "No, you're not weird. You know, I never even noticed it that much until today, you were getting so excited that you lost control of the twitching."

"I hate it." Rachel wiped her nose again and looked off to the side. "It's so frustrating. It's in my neck and hands mostly, I always feel this tension until I let myself twitch."

"Yeah. I know it doesn't affect your intelligence or activity level. Sometimes, being active actually helps."

"One of my fosters tried to put me on medication for it, but it only made me drowsy and sick."

"You don't need medication, it's easier to deal with and control without." Trina hugged Rachel again. "I just want you to know, you'll be all right. And…" She grinned. "It only makes me like you all the more. You know, your great-grandmother was the kindest, gentlest person…and she always said that she felt Tourettes helped her become that way because she always tried to focus on being calm, which also made her observant and thoughtful."

"Really?"

"Yes. So, maybe, you having tourettes makes me think you are just the same. Don't ever think that you're somebody weird, different, or less than anyone else. You are capable of great things, just look at those people I named off earlier…all famous athletes, granted in my day, but still…they never let that stop them." Rachel started to brighten up and she hugged Trina tight.

"Thanks." Trina's face turned a shade of red and she wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her close. "I'm sorry I ran off like that. I-I got scared."

"I understand. Don't ever worry about something like that, okay? You can talk to me about anything, and I will never judge you."

"Okay." Rachel looked ahead at something, so Trina followed the child's gaze and exhaled when she saw the picture of Jason. "You said Dad was accepting of you, right?"

"Right."

"Jake's like that. He's been my closest friend at the orphanage, and he's never made fun of me for twitching or anything else. He always made me feel the way you said Dad made you feel."

"Aw, that's great. I'm glad you were able to find a good friend despite all of the bad you had to deal with."

"Yeah." Rachel lifted her head and Trina was surprised to see a light blush on the girl's face. "Except, I've always kind of liked him, maybe a little more than that…" Her heart skipped a beat and she couldn't help but to grin; it was likely that Jacob was Rachel's first crush. "I don't really know, but I thought about the way I thought about Jake and how you talked about the way you were with Dad, and…and well, how do you know if you like someone or not?"

Trina chuckled softly. "Romantics will tell you it's in the way your heart skips when you see that person or that you have butterflies in your stomach." She snapped her fingers and pointed. "Now, I think that last sensation really is more hunger than anything. If you feel butterflies fluttering about in your gut, eat a sandwich." Rachel snickered. Trina leaned back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "But in all honesty, the romantics have a point to a degree. Follow your heart. If you like someone, you know you do."

"But what do you do if you do like someone?"

"Well." She cleared her throat. "I'm not advocating that you start dating or thinking about boys at such an early age, but I'm not saying no to that. I think there's a lot going on right now and the timing might not be appropriate for such a thing; but if you really like someone, just talk to them."

"Just talk to them?"

"Yeah, ask them out." Trina crossed her arms and thought back to Jason, the memories bringing a rush of blood to her cheeks. "I didn't necessarily ask Jason out, and he didn't really ask me out. It just kind happened."

"How did it happen?"

"I was running late to the karate class, burst through the door and he was standing right in front of it." Trina cleared her throat and her eyes darted to the side. "I did not stop in time." Rachel cupped a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh.

Recalling the memory, Jason would often say it was the only time someone knocked him off his feet while his guard was lowered. With that being said, he would add that she was the only woman to ever sweep him off his feet.

"You ran into him?"

"Yep. I offered to buy him a coffee after that, and we grabbed some after class. Once we got to talking, we saw that we had similar interests and wanted to spend more time together. It went from there."

"What was your relationship like?"

She stroked her chin, humming as she searched for the right words. "In a word…intense. We were attracted to each other like moths to a flame. I won't go into the details right now."

"I get it." Rachel shrugged. "I mean, you had me when you were fairly young." Trina coughed once and pat her chest.

"Well. I was twenty. Still young, I guess. I'd like to think I'm young right now." Rachel smiled a bit and slowly shook her head. Trina cracked a smile of her own, then reached over to rub the child's back. "So, are you feeling better now after our chat?"

"Yeah." Rachel stood up and stretched. "Thank you. I'm gonna go back down and talk to Grandpa a bit before we clean up the room up here, is that okay? I want to hear stories about his police job."

"Of course, we have all the time in the world." Rachel turned around and hurried off. Trina felt a warm sensation inside and raised a hand over her heart, watching the space where Rachel was standing.

She wondered if it was pride that she felt, as it was just dawning on her that she may have had her first _mom_ moment. "Jason," she whispered, "If only you could be here now…" There would surely be more moments like these, and she couldn't wait to live through every one of them; the good and the bad. She was grateful that at least she had the opportunity.

* * *

Thoughts?


	18. Meet in the Middle

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Generally I like to update at night just before I go to bed, but I got into a cycle of hitting noontime updates-well my job's holiday hours got me working the daytime shifts, so I'm not going to be able to update at noontime...That said, perfect opportunity to hit nighttime. Merry Christmas, here's a bit of a long update for ya!

* * *

Chapter 18 (Meet in the Middle)

Trina sipped coffee from a metal twenty ounce mug, her right leg was crossed over her left and she pressed her back against the cushioned chair. "You would think." David's voice beckoned her, so she opened an eye and looked to where he was sitting on a small tan cushioned bed with a long sheet of paper draped over the middle. His hands were pushing down his knees as he shivered in the green gown draped over him. "You'd think after a couple centuries, hospital rooms would have gotten more comfortable."

"I feel fine."

"You're not the one being propped up on a hospital bed wearing nothing but a small gown." He crossed his arms and huffed. Trina couldn't help but to laugh, which only earned a sharp glare from her father. He hated hospitals, which was ironic considering the woman he married.

"Tori and Rachel haven't come back yet." David grumbled and Trina lowered the mug.

"Probably a line in the food court." The pair had gone down to grab some food for everyone. They weren't going to be able to bring it into the hospital room, so they had to eat what they could there and hold on to the stuff for Trina and David until later.

"Better make sure your sister doesn't disappear on us again."

"Oh hush. You know, she's happy to be here."

"She's the only one." He rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder to the one window in the small room. "Hey, you reckon we can escape through there?" Trina raised the mug back to her lips, closing her eyes.

"We're on the fifth floor, so no. No, I don't." David groaned once more and Trina shook her head. "Relax, Dad. You're doing a great thing, we all support you."

"I know, I'm still wondering what I was thinking. Just wish Dr. Palmer would hurry it up." David leaned forward and brought his hands to his chin, curling his fingers underneath it. "Maybe he got stuck at the food court too?"

The door opened and David gasped out. When Tori and Rachel walked in, he let out a weary sigh. "Geez, Dad." Tori set a plastic bag down beside Trina's chair and smirked at David. "Thought you'd be happier to see us."

"Sorry, I thought you were the doc." He rubbed his arms. "It feels like we've been waiting in here for hours.

"It's only been thirty minutes." Tori stood against the wall while Rachel hopped into the other chair in the room. "I've never seen you so out of your element."

"Because I _am_ ….I feel exposed. I hate the doctor."

A head poked into the room and David snapped his gaze at the door. "Aww, I don't hate you, Mr. Vega." David growled as the tall doctor stepped into the room. He had wavy grey hair and round glasses that seemed to rest on the tip of his nose. In his arm was a folder stuffed files and x-rays. "Sorry for the hold up," the doctor laughed heartily, "There was a line at the food court." Clearly a joke, but David's eyes widened in horror.

"Aha! So you _were_ at the food court!"

"I wish that were true."

Rachel started to laugh. "Grandpa, don't be so nervous. This is interesting, I don't think I've ever seen a real doctor's office before." Trina raised an eyebrow and the heads in the room turned to the child. "What?"

"You haven't seen a doctor's office before?" Trina asked.

"Oh, well it's been long time."

"How long are we talking?"

"Years?"

The words hit her like a ton of bricks, even in Rachel's answer she was horrified to see the girl couldn't remember the last time she'd seen the doctor. Dr. Palmer already understood that Rachel was adopted into the family recently, so she wasn't worried about his thinking she was neglecting a child; but this information should have been made known to her.

"What about the orphanage?"

"They had a nurse on site. My last few foster families usually reported doctor appointments, but they never actually took me to any."

Dr. Palmer reached into his jacket and pulled out what looked like a business card. "Here we go. Trina, for you." Trina looked up and reached out, taking the card offered to him. She furrowed her brow and nodded graciously. "That's for Dr. Arca, she's a fantastic pediatrician. Go ahead and schedule an appointment for her to see Rachel."

"I will. Thank you." The doctor cleared his throat. "Now, as your family physician, I believe it's getting close to _your_ physical checkup. I don't believe I've seen your name in my appointment books yet, Trina." She blushed heavily and David threw down his arms.

"What's going on here?" David asked with a heightened tone. "I'm the one afraid of the doctor's office, and I'm the only one actually seeing a doctor? Are you kidding me? I want to go home! Now!"

"Ah." Dr. Palmer smiled gently at David. "I'm afraid it's a little too late for that. But be brave for the young one, Mr. Vega, you have a chance to set an example."

"Not fair using my granddaughter against me, Doc." He narrowed his eyes and the doctor laughed.

"Well, the sooner we finish up here, the sooner you can go home. Do we have a deal on that?"

"Deal."

"Alright, then." Dr. Palmer moved to a computer screen and clicked on a few icons. "Now, I just finished consulting with the neurosurgeon and he was looking over your X-Rays, we have some good news for you." A video screen popped up and Dr. Reginald's face appeared. Dr. Palmer leaned back on the stool he was sitting on and gave the doctor a nod. "Jim, I've got the patient right here."

Dr. Reginald was sitting in his office, which was in another building. Usually he came over to do a physical consultant with Dr. Palmer, but on days where he was busy with patients, he had to do his consultations through video chat.

"Mr. Vega, it's good to see you." Dr. Reginald waved and David scowled a bit. "Dr. Palmer and I finished reviewing your X-Rays and all the lab work, and we're feeling very positive about performing a reconstructive surgery on your legs."

David smiled a bit and his body began to relax. "So, what's the likelyhood I'll even begin to walk again?" Dr. Palmer turned around on his stool.

"After checking your reflexes, checking your X-Rays and examining the nerve damage left behind, we agree the chances are pretty good we could see you up and running within the year." Trina raised a hand to her chest and David's eyes grew large as saucers.

"What? What do you mean? I thought-I mean, the first guy said I'd never walk a day in my life."

"Oh we can get you walking, probably with a cane for a while."

"You see." Dr. Reginald took a sip of water on his desk, then cleared his throat a bit. "In the last six years, technology has found a way to splice together nerve endings, connecting them and using a form of electroshock treatment to breathe new life in them. There are patients for whom the treatment won't work because they've had either too much damage or too much time. Then there are others which thrive from the treatment, those are the people who have the least amount of actual damage and not a lot of lost time. We feel you are on the latter side."

"There wasn't a lot of damage to your overall structure," Dr. Palmer continued. "Your nerve was severed, but that's it. We can reconnect that nerve, and with physical therapy, we can get you on your feet. Continued physical therapy may help repair the atrophy in your muscles and limbs, and soon you could possibly be running in marathons again."

Trina leaned forward, shock still written on her face. "What it sounds like you're saying is you can perform a total reconstructive surgery on him?" Dr. Palmer nodded and she looked to her father. "That…would be a miracle. Dad, you should go for it." She paused, clearing her throat. "I mean, it's up to you, but…"

"You are a prime candidate for this surgery," Dr. Palmer stated, "You're in the best position for it." David looked down, trembling and nervously chuckling.

"I could have done this a while ago," he said, "But I never thought much of it. It sounded too good to be true."

"For some it is, it depends on your body structure and the amount of damage you've actually received. For you, it's miraculous that despite being paralyzed, the damage you received was minimal at best."

"This…This is…amazing news. I know it can't be cheap."

"It is five hundred grand, but your insurance will cover it all. You'll also have to take a prescription shot once a year in the legs for the rest of your life. A stimulant. Your insurance will cover that as well."

"It really is a miracle. I-I have to process this." He was tearing up, his entire body trembling with shock and excitement. "Any more good news and you'll give me a heart attack."

"Well, you're in the best place for one, but please, try not to have one."

Aft er the appointment, they stopped a nearby park to let Rachel play for a little bit. Trina paced the ground, talking on the phone, while Tori sat on a park bench beside her father. "I know what you have in your records," Trina remarked, "But Rachel says her fosters lied about taking her to see the doctor."

"It is possible, all of the fosters have since either been removed from being allowed to foster or are no longer active. I can't do anything about them."

"Right. You had your onsite nurse give her a checkup though, right?"

"We always make sure to have each child examined and vaccinated before they leave this facility, so yes. You should have her paperwork." She did, it was in her file box. "However, I would recommend setting an appointment with a pediatrician, so that you can be established with one."

"Right. Our family doctor gave me a card for one."

"Wonderful. Have you made an appointment yet?"

"I just called her office and set an appointment for three weeks from now. Dr. Arca."

"Oh! Yes, I know her, she is an excellent pediatrician. Good choice. How is Rachel adjusting, by the way?"

"She's doing okay. She has Tourette's Syndrome, just like my grandmother did. Looks like it's on the mild end…it upset her, she said other families belittled her because of it. There should be more of an understanding of that than there is now."

"I agree. It sounds like she is in good hands, however. Please, keep me updated."

"I will. I hope you're not working too hard."

"Oh you know." Gloria laughed heartily. "Work never ceases when it comes to the needs of these children."

"Thank you. For everything that you do…"

Hanging up the phone, she looked to David and Tori. They were watching Rachel on the swings, or at least Tori was. David was glancing at the fathers and grandfathers at the park, walking with their kids and throwing around the ball. He had a nostalgic look on his face and a wistful glint in his eyes.

"I don't know if you remember, Trina…" She pushed her phone into her purse and walked over as her father raised his head up to her. "When I would take you to the neighborhood park and we'd race from the little creek to the jungle gym."

"I remember that circle of boulders I used to climb and hop around on." There had been a strange assortment of large stones arranged in a wide circle, each had been painted with graffiti. When she was young, she liked to hop from one to another. "Skinned my knee pretty bad on one of those, but it was fun. Probably wouldn't be able to do that so well nowadays."

"I remember that." David laughed. "You came home with a bloody knee and were trying to use a baseball cap to hide it from your mother." Trina crossed her arms and grinned.

"I was just glad you two weren't always fussing over me." Tori lifted her head and blinked several times, her eyes darted over and Trina shrugged. "What can I say? I had more freedom because of it. Sorry, Tor…"

"Is that why you never took me to the park, Dad? I only remember going with Mom there."

David hummed and started to nod. "She knew Trina liked to roughhouse and play hard, and she knew I pretty much encouraged it. So she was afraid I'd have you being just as active and 'careless', so she never let you out of her sight. That also meant the park was too dangerous and you could get hurt."

"Wow." Tori rolled her eyes and looked up at Trina. "And you complained about _not_ being sheltered, sis? You were lucky, by the sound of it."

'Yeah, my issues were a bit different from that; but yeah you're right. I could get away with a lot more; but that didn't mean I was going to be able to walk right by mom with a bloody knee."

"Not a chance in hell," David replied with a laugh. Trina remembered that day, trying to scurry into her bedroom but having to pass the kitchen first. Her mother spotted her, and saw the dried blood that slid down her leg and into view. Immediately, the woman rushed over and tore off the cap, horrified by how horrible the injury looked.

"I was grounded from going to the park for about two weeks, I think. And she made Dad promise never to let me hop around on those rocks when he wasn't with me."

Tori chuckled a bit. "Why weren't you there anyway, Dad?" David crossed his arms and raised his shoulder.

"She was about Rachel's age then." Trina sat beside Tori, giving her a nod as her father continued. "Her independent streak was growing and she liked going to the park by herself."

"Yeah, I'd ride my bike over there all the time." Tori looked over and raised her eyebrows. "Sometimes I'd feed the ducks, other times I'd just walk around."

"It's funny." Tori crossed her arms and leaned back against the bench. A crease stretched across her brow and her eyes drifted to the ground. "Even though our parents seemed like they paid less attention to you and helicopter parented me, you were the one that got to live a normal childhood. Sort of. You got to be a kid, you got to be a teenager."

Trina sighed heavily. "I suppose, but not in the way it should have been. A kid, yes; but my teenage years weren't spent so much like normal teenagers. In no way did I have the life I could've had."

"Because you were too busy worrying about me, trying to make sure I was okay so Mom and Dad would be okay."

Trina raised an eyebrow, curious how Tori could possibly know that. Even still, it was true. "You were the important one, and my little sister, I had to make sure nothing happened to you."

"So, I was the sheltered little bubble baby and you were the rough athlete climbing mountains." Tori cocked her head to the right. "Our lifestyles were the far ends of opposite spectrums and we both managed to be screwed up somehow…"

"I suppose so."

"Jesus." Tori flung her arm out. "And Rachel's already had a hellish life, and she's only twelve!"

"This family has seen its fair share of shit. No doubt about that."

"Meet in the middle," David remarked, "You know what not to do now." Trina looked to her father, who was still watching Rachel on the swing. "Don't shelter Rachel to the point that you're so paranoid about her every move that you keep her from being able to live her life; and don't ignore her to the point where she feels like you don't care what happens to her."

"I don't know how I could possibly get her to _my_ point on this little spectrum."

"Oh it's possible." He laughed. "How often have you spent with Andre and Ophelia?"

"Not much since bringing Rachel home." She understood his point. She looked after Andre's daughter so much over the years that she almost felt like kin to her. "But I think I see where you're going with that."

"My point is a point of balance in a kid's lifestyle where that kid is supposed to be. Your mother and I were never able to bring either of you to that point. We gave you so much freedom that you probably could have played out on the freeway-not that we would have allowed that-but it's not something we ever told you not to do."

"Yeah, I don't recall hearing the 'don't play in the streets' speech, 'don't get hit by cars, Trina'."

"Then we sheltered Tori so much that she never got to have a decent childhood." David stretched his hand out. "Let Rachel enjoy her life, let her play outside. Let her skin a knee or two; but by that same token, be her mother. Be there for her when she needs you to be. When she scrapes that knee, kiss it and put some ointment on it. Don't fuss over it, don't scare her into not wanting to be active because you think every injury is a dangerous, life-threatening one. If I can impart any wisdom whatsoever…let your children live their lives and grow up."

Feeling herself tearing up, she smiled and reached over, placing her hand on her father's wrist. "I hear you, Dad. I hear you."

"Speaking of skinned knees." Tori pointed out and Trina followed her gesture. Rachel was off the swing now, getting up from the ground. She fell off and Trina could see a scrape on her knee. Part of her wanted to rush over and see if Rachel was okay; but she hesitated when her daughter hopped on her feet and ran over to them.

"Do we have any water?" Rachel asked while looking down at her leg. She raised her foot up, showing the knee to them. "I fell off the swing."

"Are you hurt?" Trina reached into her purse, smiling softly as Rachel shook her head.

"It's not bad. I remember Miss Gloria always saying we should clean up any scrapes we get though."

"That's correct." She removed some Neosporin, hydrogen peroxide, a bandaid box, a napkin, and a small bottle of water. "I'm glad you're not hurt." Rachel chuckled and waved her hand in the air.

"It's nothing, I'd scratch myself all the time playing outside with the other kids. Usually, I never worried about it."

"You should always clean any cuts or scrapes so they don't get infected." She applied some water and scrubbed at the scrape with the napkin, then raised the hydrogen peroxide spray. "This might sting a little." As she sprayed the knee, Rachel winced and shut her eyes. Trina dabbed the area a bit with the napkin, then applied the Neosporin and bandaid. "There you are, all better." Rachel grinned and lowered her foot down.

"Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for." She hugged Rachel, then gently nudged her in the direction of the playground. "No go on and play a bit more if you like. Have fun, do be careful but enjoy yourself."

"I will!" Rachel turned around and bolted for the playground, nearly tripping on a rock. Trina took a deep breath and exhaled.

She felt Tori take her hand and looked over to see her sister holding both hers and David's. "I want you two to promise me something," Tori began with a soft voice. "I know how much you've given because of me…I know without meaning to that I'm responsible for a lot of things." Tori looked to Trina, gazing into her eyes. "Trina. You have your daughter, but you gave up your dreams for me. Your goals, your life, your idols. Pursue them, go do what you wanted to do…if not for me, for Rachel."

"Tori. Where is this coming from all of a sudden?"

"Just listen." Tori's eyes were misty and her lips were flattened together. "I love you, and I never wanted you to be unhappy. Knowing that because you had to take care of me, you sacrificed so much of your happiness…You have a chance now to go for it. I'm not saying run off and be an Olympic athlete right now, although you could, but you could go into athletics. You can do anything, and you can earn a bit more than you do as your current job."

"I like-"

"I know you like your job. It's great, you can help people; but I know you're not truly happy with it. You're happy, but you're not. I can tell."

"Okay?"

"She's not wrong," David added, "You got your degree in something you wanted; but never pursued that."

"Didn't think I'd be good enough…" She shrugged.

"You also didn't think you'd be good enough to be a mom." David pointed out to his granddaughter. "But what I just saw right there? Also, that chat you had with Rachel about her Tourettes…Trina, you will make a fantastic mother, you already have made a fantastic mother."

Tori smiled. "So if you're good enough to be a mom, you're good enough to do anything. Consider it at least. Consider your dreams again, don't put them on hold for anything." Tori looked over, gazing at her father. "And speaking of dreams, Dad…I know you're nervous about this surgery, but go for it." David sighed and closed his eyes. "I see you looking at all the dads and grandpas here, I see you reminiscing about the way you used to be and how much you want to be like that again…you have an opportunity, you have a real chance. You've always been strong, and I know you still are. I believe in you, Dad. Maybe, just like Dr. Palmer said, in a year you could be running a marathon." Tori laughed heartily, tears slowly inching down her cheeks. "Set that goal. In a year, you and Trina can be running that marathon; and I'll be right there at the finish line with Rachel, waiting for you both to cross."

"Oh please," Trina said with a laugh, "He's an old man now and even with that surgery in a year, he's got to be slowed down. I'd cross that line well before him." She leaned back, smirking as she gazed past Tori and at her father. David swayed a bit, his eyes closing as he started to chuckle in disbelief.

"Excuse me. Daughter. Oh dearest daughter of mine. There is no way I'm going to let you outrun me."

"Well then you'd better start practicing, Pops." Trina stretched her arms out and swung them, criss-cross, in front of her. "Because I'm still faster, nimbler, and more athletic than I was when I was younger."

"We shall see, Katrina, we shall see." David snapped his fingers. "I'll do that surgery, and I'll do that physical therapy, and I _will_ be outrunning you in a year's time."

Tori rolled her eyes and grinned as she leaned towards Trina. "Sounds like he just called your challenge and raised it." Scoffing, Trina hopped up from the bench and began to stretch.

"Please! I'll run circles around both of you."

Tori started to clap, laughing aloud as the two continued to challenge each other. "One thing I can count on, that I can remember, those two can't resist their competitive nature…Like father, like daughter."

* * *

Seems Tori really has done a 180, and she knows her father and sister well enough apparently. So much was focused on here, so much said. We've seen the wonders that David may be able to achieve with surgery, we've seen Trina discovering a bit more about being a mother and what she's capable of. Some good advice from David, and so on. What do you think of it all? Any thoughts for the future? David's right, Trina knows what NOT to do, what to avoid. I think she'll make a good mother.


	19. A Special Christmas

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: I don't usually like writing Christmas stuff into stories, but given the day and the way this story is going, it feels right. So, here you are, a few Christmas surprises in store too in this. It feels like something's ending, sure, but trust me the story is nowhere near over. This is just simply a Christmas chapter that introduces some plot stuff as well. Merry Christmas.

* * *

Chapter 19 (One Special Christmas)

"I said I wanted a small and _simple_ celebration this year." Trina studied the large tree in the corner of Jade's high-rise living room. Jade walked over and gently pat her shoulder.

"That was before you adopted a child, and not just any child." Trina smiled a bit and lowered her arms as she studied the copious amounts of presents under the tree. Cat and Robbie were placing a few under it. Andre was standing at the back door, looking out at the yard. David and Beck were playing poker at the coffee table while Tori walked into the room with a plate of cookies.

"When was the last time any of us in our family had a decent Christmas?" Tori asked. Trina nodded and Jade looked over. "Rachel certainly hasn't had one. So this is her first. Granted it came by fast, and the whole family is together just about."

Cat stood up and her lips were turned up in a wide smile. "Thank you for inviting us as well. We were content to just sit around the table with some hot chocolate and a few gifts for Jacob, but this is much better. This way he gets to play with the other children too."

Trina pointed at the mass of gifts. "I wouldn't call that a 'few' gifts." It seemed like everyone had gone all out this year, and for the most part, she did too. Everyone had gone shopping both individually and as a group, so this year was going to be a lot bigger than anyone actually wanted it to be. "I guess it's just because we're all together, our piles can't seem as large all by themselves."

Andre chuckled. "I was hoping more we would be teaching our kids that Christmas isn't about the presents as much as it is about togetherness. But some of these kids, it's their first real Christmas, might as well go all out." He moved forward and looked towards the nearby hall. "So, speaking of our children, anyone up for checking in on them?"

Trina raised a hand. "Me!" She was eager to see how well Rachel was getting along with the others. "Cat, Jade, let's go!" Jade shrugged, no stranger to being volunteered to do something, and Cat hurried over. They followed Andre down the hall to Opal's bedroom, where everyone was.

The door was slightly cracked, just enough for Trina to lean in and peek into the room. The kids were in a circle with several video game options spread amongst them. Trina was a bit surprised to see the old, classic, Super Nintendo among them.

At the same time, Jade had a few game consoles purely for nostalgia sake. Her kids had a tendency to gravitate to them just because they enjoyed games from a simpler time in gaming.

"You're giving me first pick?" Rachel asked with amazement. "I never get first pick."

"We're very rarely involved in things," Jacob added. Rachel nodded while Opal, Ryan, and Ophelia studied them. "I'm guessing we'd better start getting used to newer things."

"Personally, I kind of want to run around the yard a bit. Play some hide and seek."

"We could," Opal replied, "But I was going to suggest waiting until after Ryan and Ophelia have some of those cookies your aunt's making." Trina cupped a hand over her mouth, stifling a laugh. She saw the cookies, and they had so much sugar. They were sugar cookies, topped with various types of icing, and sprinkles. "You saw those, right?" Rachel grinned from ear to ear and Jacob laughed.

"So looking forward to having some."

"Same." Opal laughed. "Knowing how my little brother is, and Ophelia is _already_ a bit on the high-strung side…might want to do hide and seek when their energy is going."

"Agreed."

"Plus, who knows what toys we're getting." Opal sighed. "Mom and Dad did a good job hiding the presents this year, so Ryan and I couldn't try to sneak a peek at any."

"They do every year," Jade whispered. Trina looked at her with a smirk. "We try to hide the best looking presents, but they somehow manage to find it and open it. They try to wrap it back up, but we can tell it's been opened."

"Where'd you put them this year?" Andre inquired, "The rooftop?"

"Beck actually took it a step further this year. Rented a storage unit and kept the presents there. He would have hidden them at his parents' place, but you know, he's got restraining orders on them." It was a joke, because Trina knew neither of them would step foot anywhere near Beck's parents.

Tori jerked her head back and blinked several times. "What?" Jade looked over her shoulder, furrowing her brow.

"She doesn't get the joke, Jade. She doesn't know about all that." Jade rolled her eyes and Trina put a finger to her lips. "Long story, Tori. Now's not the time to get into it. Beck's parents were horrible people. That's enough to know right now."

Tori let out a soft sigh. "Do any of these kids have grandparents besides our Dad? I know Andre's parents aren't around, and I'm assuming Ophelia's maternal grandparents are-"

"Also absent," Andre grumbled, "But yeah these kids have grandparents. Jade's father does this thing every Christmas, so he's coming by this morning." Jade nodded.

"Dad likes to dress up as Santa and brings all of his presents for the kids in a sack."

"What about your mom?" Tori asked. Jade rolled her eyes again and shot a look at Trina, who simply shrugged. She never had time to get into it with Tori, and some things she felt weren't her business to say.

"You never told me to tell her about your stuff." Trina leaned into Tori, her voice still whisper quiet. None of them wanted the kids to overhear. "Her mom's been in prison ever since she was s little girl. She was a monster, to put in the simplest terms. Again, not the right time to get into it."

"Right." Tori groaned. "Got it."

"Cat, your dad's on his way, right?"

"He wouldn't miss it for the world." Cat nodded and looked to Robbie. "His parents are also swinging by. They want to see their newest grandson." Robbie beamed with pride. Trina knew Tori had already been made aware of Mrs. Valentine's passing a few years back, since Robbie had already told her; so that wasn't a shock. "And Trina? I know you still talk to Pam and John on occasion."

"Yeah, and I saw them at the funeral." Trina flashed a smile while Tori did another double take. "Jason's parents. They liked me a lot back in the day and his passing didn't cause them to stop associating with me. They still considered me a part of the family."

"Do they know about Rachel?"

"I think so." Trina nodded. "I'm pretty sure I told Pam. A lot has been going on since I brought her home, so everything sort of seems like it's spinning around."

"Well." Tori exhaled and stretched her arms around Trina's and Jade's shoulders. "At least I know they all have grandparents." She paused and glanced at Andre with a frown. He waved his hand through the air.

"Honestly, David and Holly had been more grandparent material for Ophelia than anything, so I'm not upset. Taylor's mom is slowly coming around though, and I think her sister might try to come down for New Years."

"Ahem." A voice broke out above them and they all looked at the door like deer in headlights. Opal was standing with the door wide open, her left hand gripping the door edge and her right hand on her waist. Her narrow eyes stared back at them while the rest of the kids watched from the floor. "If you're done eavesdropping and spying on us…Maybe you'd like to play a game with us? Rachel says she wants to do a board game."

Rachel held up the game _Clue_. Trina was impressed, she loved the game growing up and didn't think kids today would care much for it.

"That's for four to six players," Jade started to say, "You don't have enough-"

Opal pointed to her, then to Jacob and Rachel. "So far me, Jacob, and Rachel want to play Clue. Ophelia and Ryan want to watch." She held up three fingers. "Three of you can join in if you like."

Trina raised a hand first. "I'll play! I love Clue; but be careful, I'm a master at it."

"I'll watch," Tori replied, "I never liked to play this against Trina." Tori walked over to the bed with a sigh. "You don't know what it's like to be the younger sibling that can't win a game against an older sibling."

"That's four." Opal nodded and looked at Jade. "Mom? You or Mrs. Shapiro interested? Mr. Harris?"

"Aw heck." Andre nodded and walked towards the group. Trina grinned at him as he sat beside her. "I can't turn down a game."

Cat shook her head and moved beside Tori. "Someone's got to keep the little Vega sister company. I get what she's saying, my older brother was a champ at that old Smash Brothers game."

Opal nodded once more. "Great! So, Mom?" She smirked at Jade. "You up for a challenge? The more players the merrier."

"Of course, I got a mean poker face."

"This is not poker…"

The game took some time, and everyone had a blast playing. Eventually, Beck and David came to watch. David was still in a wheelchair, only because his surgery had been a week ago and he was still doing the early stages of physical therapy. It would be a long process, but he was doing well and might be able to start standing and walking with crutches soon.

Once the game was over, everyone moved into the kitchen where the kids surrounded Tori's plate of cookies. There was no stopping them from nearly taking the entire plate. Trina and Jade had to remind the kids not to fill themselves up before dinner.

As Trina helped to prepare dinner by chopping up some vegetables, she heard a car door closing outside. She raised her eyes to the window and saw a tall older man with short grey hair that was slowly fading to white, his beard was bushy and grey. He was removing a sack from the back seat of his car and dressed in a red robe. "Jade, looks like your dad's here."

"Is he?" Jade threw her head up and smiled. "The first one? He's always got to be first, doesn't he?"

Beck walked by, laughing as he kissed his wife. "He's not the first one this year." He pointed to David, watching football in the other room.

"Oh yeah. This is why we chose to do Christmas at our house. One family's big enough, we're feeding four huge families."

As if on cue, two other cars pulled up. One was familiar to Trina, but the brown sedan was a bit different than what she recognized. Three elders piled out of the familiar car. Among them were two older men, both balding and one with a moustache while the other had no facial hair. The one with the moustache was Robbie's father, Tom, a now retired attorney. The other man was Cat's father, William. A woman came out with Tom, she had wispy grey hair, a round figure and a warm expression. This was Robbie's mother, Nancy. They met Jade's father with wide hugs.

As Trina approached the window, she moved a hand to her chest and felt her heartbeat growing still. She'd seen the sedan once before after all, at Mr. Sikowitz's funeral.

First the elderly man stepped out of the car, he wore a brown cowboy hat and had a bushy grey moustache and light stubble. Trina always joked that he bore a similar appearance to Burt Reynolds, a comparison that John Tyler always loved. He wore a beige wrangler shirt tucked neatly into denim jeans that hung over a pair of brown boots.

John opened the door for his wife, who still looked young despite her years. She was much thinner than Nancy, had faded blonde hair done in a fresh perm, and striking blue eyes.

"Oh my god. Jade!" Trina cupped her hands over her mouth and felt tears springing from her eyes. "Jade, Andre!"

Andre walked up from behind and placed a hand on her shoulder. "What is it?" He looked out the window just as Jade walked up, squinting her eyes.

"Are those two who I think they are?" A cunning look flashed in Jade's eyes and Trina looked at her with surprise. Jade must have invited them. The woman smirked and raised her eyebrows. "Well, you wanted Rachel's first Christmas to be a memorable and big one, right?"

"Jade, you devil, I could almost kiss you." Jade laughed and started for the door. Trina watched the elders outside, all introducing themselves and falling into conversation. She coughed in her hand and closed her eyes. "Yeah, it's better to get them inside before they all start talking politics."

"Oh good god, they'll never come inside if that happens."

Just as Jade was about to open the door, yet another car pulled up. Trina tilted her head to the side and furrowed her brow. "Someone else is pulling up?" Jade looked over and flashed a grin.

"What can I say? I used my old wicked witchcraft powers and brought someone else to the party." The vehicle was a blue truck with tinted windows. Trina felt Andre shift a bit and move closer to the window, his gaze inquisitive.

A woman roughly the same age as them, if not a few years younger, stepped out of the driver's side door. She had a flush of brown hair and piercing, narrow eyes that bore from lightly tanned skin.

The elders watched as she walked around the front of the truck and opened the passenger side door. A pale hand stretched out and landed in the woman's, then out stepped a frail older woman with long, white hair. She had a sharp gaze and long nose, her tiny lips formed a tender smile that seemed to be a bit of a relief. The woman clutched a long brown cane and was bent over slightly.

"My god," Andre whispered, "It's Frankie and Michelle? What are they doing here?"

"I found Frankie on social media," Jade explained, "She's been wondering why she hadn't heard from you and Ophelia for a while. Said it must've been because of her mom not wanting to acknowledge you; but it seems Michelle's not that way out of malice…just hasn't accepted her daughter's death, and the thought of you or Ophelia makes it all the more real or something."

Andre rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Ophelia's not getting any younger."

"Neither is Michelle. That's what Frankie said anyway. She's talked to her mom, convinced her of that. She's sickly, her mind's not as strong as it once was and she has to own up and see her granddaughter now or she never will. I reminded them that a missed chance to have someone in their life just because they can't accept Taylor's death will only cause a lasting pain for them, for you, and for your daughter. So…." Jade smiled. "Merry Christmas, Andre."

"Jesus, Jade." Andre smirked. "Now _I_ could almost kiss you, but I don't think Beck would appreciate that."

"Yeah no." Jade laughed again. "But like I said, Michelle's mind is going. Fast. So, this could be one of the last Christmases she even has, really."

Andre rested his arm on the window frame, holding it just above his head. His eyes squinted a bit more and his nose shifted. "Did they drive here all the way from Louisiana? That's a farther drive than John and Pam, I can't imagine Michelle taking that trip well."

"She probably hasn't," Jade remarked, "I can't imagine the headache Frankie has either."

"What are they all talking about out there?"

"Who knows? Maybe which one of them is coming in first." Jade laughed. She opened the door and all the elders turned to them. "Hey! When are you guys coming in? I hope some of you brought extra food."

With that, the elderly women without a cane started clamoring to their cars. Frankie opened the back doors of her truck and grabbed some food as well. Michelle watched, her entire body shaking like a leaf. It looked as though the woman had Parkinson's.

"God," Andre whispered, "It looks like Michelle's aged fifty years past her actual age. She's the youngest one out there, I think-of the grandparents." Trina nodded, glancing up in thought.

Henry West was roughly the same age as David, so he was 62. Tom was born in 1961, so he was 64 while his wife was four years younger. William was born in 1969, making him 56, the youngest of the grandfathers. John Tyler was the oldest grandfather, born in 1960, making him 65, while Pamela was 63.

"Yeah, I think so." Trina blinked twice and looked to Andre. "When was Michelle born, again?"

"1970."

"Damn! She did not age well at all."

"Grandpa's here!" Ryan's voice screamed above everyone else clamoring about in the room. "It's Grandpa!" Trina looked over with a smile, watching as Opal ran into the room. Henry stepped in the doorway, laughing heartily as the two kids hugged his legs. His gift bag was slung over his shoulder and there was a twinkle in his eyes.

"Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!" Henry bellowed. The other three kids stood in the living room entrance, watching on with blank expressions on their faces. Ophelia was scratching at the back of her head and shrugging. Rachel and Jacob looked to one another with timid smiles on their faces.

"What did you bring, Grandpa? What did you bring?"

"I brought lots of presents for my wonderful grandkids." Henry's glistening eyes drifted to the three children standing about and his smile increased. "But that is not all that I have with me. Merry Christmas to your three friends over here. Jacob, Rachel, and of course little Ophelia." Henry set his bag down and picked up Ophelia in his arms, the little girl giggled and hugged Henry. Rachel rubbed her arm and looked up at Trina nervously as David wheeled himself into the room.

"Hello Henry," David said, "Thought you'd be here before me." Henry chuckled at him and waved.

"Dave! You have that surgery yet?"

"I did. Should be walking on crutches full time next month. I guess you'd say that's my Christmas gift."

"Definitely."

"So, what are you bringing for the other kids? Did I hear you say there was something for them?"

"Oh yes. Let me step to the side here." Henry sidestepped and waved his hand forward at Jacob. "Jacob, I think your new parents want you to meet these old fogies."

"Huh?" Jacob raised an eyebrow as Cat and Robbie walked up behind him. Cat knelt down and placed her hands on his shoulder.

"Your new grandparents are here, Jakey." Jacob's eyes grew wide and Rachel smiled joyously at him. As though on cue, Tom, William, and Nancy entered the house carrying food for Christmas dinner.

"Gonna have to go back to the car for the presents," William said, "First things first…"

"Honey," Tom began, "Let's put the food down now." He set the food on the dining table and turned towards the kids with a widening grin. "I bet I know which grandkid is ours." Jacob was speechless, frozen in place with an incredibly shocked expression on his face.

Rachel waved her hand before his face, then turned to David. "Shockingly enough, Grandpa, this is the most speechless and off-guard that I've seen him."

"Rachel." Trina smiled tearfully at her daughter and waved her over. Rachel's forehead creased and she made her way over.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, honey."

Henry stretched out his free hand. "Ho, ho, ho! Rachel, take a look." Rachel turned her head in time to see John and Pam walking through the door. She looked back at Trina and shrugged.

"Sure is a lot of people walking in. I hope Mrs. Oliver has enough food."

"That is why I asked everyone to bring food," Jade said with a heavy sigh.

Trina knelt down, wrapping her arms around Rachel. "I want you to meet them." She leaned back, giving the child's arms a gentle squeeze. "These are your grandparents. Your father's mom and dad." Rachel's jaw dropped open and her eyes grew larger than the moon. She turned her head sharply, staring as John and Pam beamed with pride at her.

"I have _more_ grandparents?"

"Hi, Rachel." Pam knelt down, gazing warmly into her eyes. "Bless my heart, you are beautiful." Rachel began to tear up and looked back at Trina as if questioning what to do. Trina gently nudged her forward, giving her a subtle nod. Rachel approached Pam slowly, her gaze scanning the woman. "When Trina told us she was bringing you home, we had to see you."

Trina began to sniffle and looked up at Henry, who was still holding Ophelia and staring out the front door. "And last, but not least, 0taking long enough to get the 'twelve days of christmas' song to play in its entirety…" He belted out in a deep, sing-song voice. "One last grandma!"

Frankie rolled her eyes as she walked in with Michelle, who had one arm clasped around Frankie's. "Hey, I'd a been in here sooner, but I needed to make sure Mom didn't fall and bust a hip." Frankie held up an aluminum foil wrapped plate and Jade quickly grabbed it. "I made a turkey just in case you didn't have enough."

''Thank you," Jade replied.

"I've got more in the truck. It's all I could carry right now."

"More turkey?" Jade raised an eyebrow and Frankie laughed.

"No, more food. I managed to cook up a near complete Christmas dinner, so you should have more than enough."

"You." Jade's eyes grew wide. "Are a godsend, you blessed woman. No wonder you drove all the way here!"

"Yeah, not an easy drive." Frankie sighed and looked to Andre with a quiet smile. "Hey Andre, sorry it's taken so long." Andre crossed his arms and a smile cracked on his face.

"It's Christmas, I'm not worried about it today. I'm glad you and Michelle could make it."

Michelle looked behind her. "The others should be here too." Frankie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"No Mom, they…" Frankie lowered her hand and cleared her throat. "Never mind. I want to see my niece."

Andre took his daughter in his arms and Ophelia studied the two with some skepticism. "Ophelia…" He approached Frankie first, who raised a hand to her chest. "This is your aunt, Frankie." Ophelia buried her face into Andre's shirt, then looked back.

"My aunt?"

"Yes, your mother's sister." He turned to Michelle, who looked doe-eyed. For a second, Trina thought she could see tears in the woman's eyes. "This is your grandmother. They made a special trip over here to see you."

"Why'd they never come before?"

Frankie shot a look at her mother, then shook her head. "I would have, but I've had to look after mom."

Michelle trembled as she took a step forward, gasping softly, she raised a hand to Ophelia, but the child leaned away a bit. "She looks just like Taylor. I…" The woman's voice broke. "I am so sorry."

"Okay!" Henry raised his head above the others, clearing his throat at them. "And old fogies that can move quick, let's go clear the cars out of food and presents. I'm talking to you lot."

The group hustled and Frankie raised a finger while walking to the door. "I am _not_ old."

David raised his hand up. "I'll join you next year when I can actually walk." Henry grabbed the handlebars of his chair and pushed him forward.

"Bull, I say, you've had longer with your grandkid than we have. You're helping us unload if I have to put the gifts in your lap myself." The others laughed and David reached his arm out as he was pushed outside.

"Katrina!"

"Well." Tori stepped beside Trina, her hands on her waist. "I'm glad at least I'm not the only aunt showing up late." Trina chuckled softly and glanced sideways at her.

"In your defense, you didn't know she existed _and_ I hadn't had her in my life…which I regret now more than anything." She smiled at Rachel, who was rushing out the door to help the grandparents with everything. "I guess the timing wasn't right."

"Now we have to move on from that. The past is over, Trina."

"It may be, but that doesn't make it easier."

"No negativity tonight," Jade announced, "We're all here to be together and be happy."

When everyone was finally settling down in the living room, they decided to open presents. Trina, Jade, Beck and Cat were on trash duty, grabbing all the torn wrapping paper to put in trash bags. The trash seemed endless as the presents seemed to go on forever.

The kids cheered on every gift, and for Trina it was worth the world to see Rachel so happy.

Tori and Frankie were on camera duty, making home movies for everyone to look after. While they did this, Michelle sat on the edge of the couch next to David, who seemed a bit annoyed by her. "She keeps going on about her relationship with a ghost," David muttered as his youngest daughter put the camera on him. Frankie lowered her camera and cried out in anguish.

"Momma, knock it off! I'm warning you. They are going to think we're nuts!"

"She like this on a regular basis?" Tori whispered to her. Frankie rolled her eyes and sighed.

"You wonder half the reason we've not come around. There it is."

"She thinks she sleeps with a ghost?"

"Don't get her started."

"But Frankie," Michelle started, "He treated me nicer than your father." Frankie smacked her forehead and growled.

"I thought I was the normal one when I was a kid." Frankie twitched her head and sighed. "I still think it."

"Well…" Tori looked at her camera screen and chuckled. There were three people standing around the room that weren't actually there. One was a tall man, leaning over Andre's shoulder and grinning at the small child opening presents at his feet. "I'm no stranger to strange happenings, so you're not alone Frankie. Tell you that."

After the presents were unwrapped, the trash cleaned up, and dinner eaten, everyone gathered around the living room one last time. Andre pulled out his piano and Christmas carols filled the air.

As he started to sing _I'll be Home for Christmas_ , Frankie and Tori soon joined in, each swaying with the music. Trina smiled as Rachel climbed into her lap, holding her stomach.

One by one the grandparents started to sing along. "I'll be home for Christmas…" Trina hugged her daughter and sniffled for a moment as the rest of them started to sing.

"Merry Christmas," Trina whispered. Rachel looked up to her with a bright and tender smile. "Is this your first real Christmas?"

"First of it's kind," she answered, "For sure."

"I can promise it won't be the last."

"I hope not. But maybe next time, we don't overwhelm Mr. and Mrs. Oliver like this?" Trina laughed lightly and shook her head.

"I think next year the families are going to celebrate on their own. We all wanted to get together this year for you kids."

"Well, we kids certainly enjoyed it."

Certainly, it was the first time in a very long time that she ever felt the joy of Christmas. Here with everyone, she felt it once more; and was more than happy to share it with her daughter and the rest of the children. A Christmas none of them would soon forget.

"I'm glad." The singing faded and Andre started to play another song. He looked over to Trina and winked at her. With a smile, she closed her eyes and started to sing softly and quietly, swaying gently. "Have yourself a merry little Christmas…let your heart be light….From now on, our troubles will be out of sight. Have yourself a merry little Christmas…"

* * *

So much here, and we finally meet the grandparents. What? You thought I'd write off all the grandparents? Nah, they exist. I wasn't sure about Pam and John, but I felt like for sure they'd want to be a part of Rachel's life. And if you didn't realize it before via the character's names and the background I usually give Andre regarding his family...you know exactly who Frankie and Michelle are. Merry christmas to all of you, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what you think of it all. We'll be seeing some of these grandparents again. Seems also, Frankie and Tori could certainly have a lot to talk about over a cup of tea or coffee, looks like Tori's making a new friend!


	20. Things to Consider

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 20 (Things to Consider)

"I am absolutely amazed you love green tea with a spoonful of honey and mint," Tori said while tapping a glass with Frankie. Frankie pulled the glass back and sipped on it.

"I'm just glad you like whiskey and cocktails." Trina watched the pair and shook her head. She was amazed by the fast friendship that was forming. "Are you single as well? Running a bakery and taking care of my mother, I never have time for guys."

"I would normally say the same, but I'm sort of reconnecting with someone from when I was a teenager. Ian. We aren't dating or anything, but it's moving in that direction."

"Nice!" Frankie turned her head to the others sitting in the room. Andre and Trina were on the couch and Michelle was sitting in a chair nearby. Ophelia and Rachel were playing outside. "So, Tori, can I admit to the fact that I feel a little less guilty knowing you also had no relationship with syour niece?"

"Sure." Tori laughed. "I'm grateful I'm not the only one either. Though, in my defense, I had no idea she existed." Frankie sighed and bowed her head.

"Yeah, I can't get out of trouble that wwasily. Wish I could blame it all on mom, but I take some responsibility."

"I think everyone might take bets on who should get the 'worst aunt' award." Tori laughed openly and Frankie smirked. "Not only did I not know Rachel existed, but… _but_ , I didn't know about any of the kids. Nothing to boast about, but just saying…I've been so out of everyone's life and it's my own fault."

"Yeah. That's hard to beat…" The two sipped their tea. Trina turned to the others, her eyebrows rising.

"So! Michelle, you ran a bakery, right?" Michelle nodded and motioned to Andre.

"Same building his family lived in, I recall. Frankie runs the store now."

Frankie glanced at Tori. "I saw those cookies you made, Tori." Tori perked up, her face brightening. "Pretty good. I have some tips though, if you don't mind."

"Oh of course." Tori put a hand to her chest and grinned. "I'm not well-versed in baking, but I'd certainly enjoy learning."

"Sure."

"So Frankie," Trina began, "Do you have any other family?" Frankie sipped her drink slowly, her eyes peering over the cup. "Any children?"

"I'm afraid not. Taking care of mom and running a bakery is a full time job. I haven't had any interest in dating. Once Taylor passed, I took on so much that forming relationships and having a family never came to mind." Frankie studied her, glancing between her and Andre. "What about you two? Any prospects out there?"

"No," she answered simultaneously with Andre. Frankie nodded gently and shrugged.

"I don't want to sound heartless or offensive, but why not? Jason's been gone for thirteen years or so, and Taylor's been gone for eight, almost nine…Rachel could use a father figure, and Ophelia could use a motherly figure."

"What are you suggesting?" Andre asked.

Tori's lips rose into a smile as she stroked her chin. "Well you two have always been there for each other. Trina, you've always been around for Ophelia, and something tells me, Andre, you'll be around for Rachel. Why don't you two take into consideration at least going on a date? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't."

Trina felt the blood rushing to her face and she shared a sideways glance with Andre. She wasn't sure, because there was so much going on; but that seemed to be a frequent theme going on over the years. At this point, she could be accused of using excuses. The truth is, she did wonder how it might work out.

When Andre turned a sideways glance at her, she quickly looked in another direction. Frankie's shoulders lifted up and the woman lowered her cup into her free palm. "You know, Tori and I could always play the honorary aunts that shower our nieces in movies and treats." Her eyes squinted and the corner of her lip tilted up. "This includes such classic films like the _Parent Trap_."

"Well." Trina coughed into her hand and closed her eyes. "Tori, since you and Frankie seem so interested in _my_ love life, how are things going on with Ian?" Tori's eyes widened and the girl's face turned a bright shade of red. "I know a while back, you were "just talking", but how's that going now? Anything new?"

"I um, well…" Tori reached behind her head, gently scratching it. "We're getting closer, I guess." The girl stopped and shook her head. "Don't change the subject!"

"Oh I'm changing it." Hearing a scratching noise, Trina instantly looked to her right, to the hallway. She saw Rachel and Ophelia peeking out, quickly disappearing around the corner. "And our kids are eavesdropping. Great." She rolled her eyes and looked at Andre, who sighed heavily.

Tori pressed her lips firmly and Michelle raised a trembling hand. "Do either of you even believe in the reasons that you won't give dating a chance? Not necessarily one another, but dating in general." Trina's brow furrowed and Andre bowed his head momentarily. "You won't give someone else a chance because you think it might hurt the memory of the ones that passed on which you loved; but it won't. I assure you, whether it is Jason or it is Taylor, they would not want you to cling to their memory so much that you could not be happy with someone else."

Frankie and Tori nodded, as if Michelle were speaking their very thoughts. Michelle lowered her hand and sighed. "When your children have grown up and moved on with their lives, forming their own lives, who will you have by your side? You'll be an old woman, or an old man, sitting in a lonely home all by yourself with no one to share the time with. Neither child will condemn you for dating another. Rachel has never known her father, Ophelia has no memories of her mother…so when they grow up, who do they say is their dad? Who do they say is their mom? Neither were around to raise them. They'll never forget their memory, just as Andre, you've never forgotten about Ray or Denise…"

"Yeah," Andre replied with a sigh. "Hard as it is to remember my own dad, I do kind of wish I grew up with a father to raise me."

"So then, why do you cling to Taylor? It isn't as though Frankie and I will vanish if you have another woman in your life…" Michelle pointed to Trina. "Same with you…John and Pam seem wonderful, and I am sure they won't condemn you if you date another man and ultimately marry someone one day. They're still very much Rachel's grandparents as I am Ophelia's grandmother…Nothing will change that."

"I'll keep that in mind," Andre said, "I'm still not exactly over the fact that it took you eight years just to come see Ophelia." He crossed his arms and Michelle slowly nodded. "But I understand, and I see where you're coming from. I think if I, and Trina as well, decide to date anyone at all…that is a decision we will have to make when we do."

Trina sighed. She had to admit, she wasn't still clinging to Jason like she was a long time ago; and she didn't expect that any man would ever replace him. Of all to understand this, she knew Andre did. Andre knew how important Jason was to her, and any man would have to be willing to understand that. Jason was an important part of her life, he is Rachel's father, so no man would be allowed to tell her to forget him. The same was said of Taylor, in regards to Andre. No woman could tell him that Taylor was dead and gone, that he should get over it and forget about her.

"I mean…" Trina shrugged and looked over to Andre. "I can't think of any guy that I really would want to give the time of day to, and I've spent so much time with Ophelia…I don't know, Rachel seems to like you, Andre, and Ophelia of course." Andre nodded slightly and drew out an exhale. "I haven't dated anyone in years, and neither have you. Maybe we could give it a chance, at least once?"

He ran his hand down the back of his neck and breathed in slowly. "I haven't thought about that sort of thing either, but I'd be willing to give it a chance with you. I don't see why not. I'd rather not do it just because they said to, though."

"Would we be, if we went on one date? I'm not going to lie, I've thought about it."

"Yeah. So have I. It's just…I wouldn't want to impose on the memory of Jason."

"I've kind of always thought that same thing about Taylor; but they wouldn't want us to cling to them like we have, would they?"

"No. I don't think it's wise to do that anyway." He scratched his chin and his eyes flicked out to the others. Frankie and Tori stood up, both grinning as they left the room. Michelle, surprisingly, had fallen asleep. "Is Michelle snoring?"

Trina listened for a minute and nodded once she heard a faint snore fill the air. "I guess she is." Trina looked down, her brow furrowing. She thought about the last few years, knowing how often she'd been around for Ophelia, and all that Andre had done for her and even for Tori in recent time. "So, would you be willing to have dinner with me then?" She felt okay, ready to really think about this sort of thing. "We can take it slow, you know."

"Probably a good idea, but yeah, I would be okay with dinner." Andre chuckled softly. "I know a pretty decent steakhouse. If we left the kids with their grandparents, we could go out sometime."

"I think I can be okay with that." She thought for a minute, tilting her head to the right. "Saturday evening work for you? I don't think either of us has anything set on that day." Andre folded his hands in his lap and nodded.

"How does six work? Martin's Steakhouse?"

Trina hummed and started to smile. "I can go for that."

"I have to admit, I don't really know how to date anymore."

She laughed, agreeing with him. It had been so long that she didn't exactly know how the whole dating thing was supposed to work. "Yeah I'm definitely in the same boat. I'm just learning how to be a mother." He smirked.

"You're about to have to learn to be a mom to a teenager too."

"Oh the angst and hormones." Trina chuckled softly and sighed. "I can't wait. I'm happy to have Rachel back in my life."

They fell silent for a bit, Trina ran her hands slowly down her legs, sighing as she pat her knees gently. Andre studied Michelle, raising an eyebrow as the woman continued to sleep. "So," he said after a long while, "I have something else I wanted to talk to you about."'

"What's that?"

"I think you should move to being a substitute coaching position." She blinked twice, pulling her head back slowly.

"Why? That's part time work." Sure, it would still be more pay than she was making, but part-time was much different than full-time. She'd love to do a coaching job, and subbing was often the first step for that, but she didn't know that it would be worth it.

"Because I think you should open up a gym. Start out small, local…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. He extended it to her and she carefully unfolded the pages, her lips separating slightly as air drifted through her lips.

It was of a local business on the corner of a strip mall. It was a former gym, she recognized it well. She'd gone there herself numerous times, did some boxing at least twice a week. "Oh my god, Ol' Shep's selling the gym?" She knew Shep well, as she was one of his favorite regulars.

"Yeah, looks like the owner's got some health issues and can't do it anymore."

"I don't think I have enough money to open a gym."

"I do. I think also, while you're doing that, you could train more as well in whatever sport you want and make your way to achieving one of your oldest goals…" She moved a hand over her mouth, her eyes started to tear up and she quickly cleared a throat.

"Andre, I don't know." Her heart flickered and swelled with a sense of hope. She could see going into boxing, and knew what it would take. She'd have to find an amateur boxing organization and go from there. "I think…Maybe, maybe it's worth a shot. I have to think about it though. I-I don't know."

"Do what makes you happy. I know you like your job, it's given you purpose and something to do with your life for the last several years; but now I think it's time for you to go for the things you truly want. You're an athlete, Trina. We both know that. I know what you want, and it's not custodial work."

"Thank you." Looking back at the papers, she wasn't sure how she felt. She was glad, but nervous at the same time. If she really wanted to pursue this, then of course she would have to make a career change.

On one hand, she didn't want to do that because she was comfortable; but on the other hand, the woman deep inside of her was screaming and jumping for joy, wanting nothing more than to go for this chance. She needed to think about this, and truly think on what the right move would be.

"I guess it's like someone mentioned a long time ago. When you're old, what'll make you happier? Settling, or going after your dreams. I'd like to feel like I tried for my dreams in life, but so much has changed…"

"You're still a fierce fighter. I _know_ you've done some local competition things because I've seen it, and you're still good." Trina chuckled softly and closed her eyes. "Take some time to really consider it."

* * *

Well that's definitely a pleasant surprise. Trina has been given a chance to step towards her goals and pursue an athletic career. Among other things dealt with in this chapter, what are your thoughts?


	21. Leap of Faith

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 21 (Leap of Faith)

That night, after dinner, Trina reclined in her favorite chair with a glass of rosé wine and a book. To her right were the papers that Andre had given her earlier, showing the information of the gym that was ready to be sold.

She reached over, delicately touching it with her fingers and furrowing her brow. She wanted more than anything to do this, but she was frightened. She'd gotten so used to the normal that she'd been in for so long that she didn't know if doing something else would work. Though, she'd been taking so many risks lately that maybe now was the right time.

Andre was right about one thing, she wouldn't be able to afford everything on the salary she had right now. As of now, she barely had her own home anymore, having given her apartment to Tori, who officially took over the rent. Gloria was doing everything she could; but her reach only extended so far.

Trina had to take action, and she had to take action now. She wasn't willing to lose her daughter because she didn't make enough, at least, the thought of that was terrifying. "I've gone too far to let my current decisions cause me to lose her again. If I don't make enough now, I need to make more…" She loved her job, sure, but it wasn't her passion.

Part of her always felt like there was something missing, some lack of satisfaction and fulfillment; but she never considered why until now. In her mind she saw one of her many idols, Rhonda Rousey, and she pondered what she would do.

 _"What do you think?"_ The vision seemed to answer. Closing her eyes, she watched her idol stretch out a powerful arm and flick her finger out. _"Where have you been? What have you done? You wanted to join the ranks one day, to be a professional athlete, and you're cleaning school floors? I'll mop the floor with you!"_

Standing beside her, she saw the woman she'd wanted to be ever since she was a little girl. Arms crossed, this woman stood strong and a firm glare was cast from her stern expression. Her hair was tied in a neat ponytail, hanging just over her shoulder. _"You've wasted your life, wasted your years. Gave us up. You have a choice, you're at a crossroads. Make your choice, don't look back. Risk it all or risk nothing because of fear."_ The athlete in her sneered, her already sharp eyes only seemed to sharpen further. _"What's it going to be, Custodian?"_

"Mom?" Trina's eyes shot open as she felt someone pushing her knees. Glancing down, she saw Rachel standing between her knees and looking up inquisitively. Her heartbeat skipped as she slowly rubbed an eye.

"W-What did you just say?" She hadn't quite processed fully, but she was almost certain Rachel just called her 'mom'.

"Mom." Rachel raised an eyebrow as Trina started to grin. "You're not gonna make a big deal out of that are you?"

"You've never called me mom before." Her heart rose sharply and she leaned forward, hugging Rachel tight. Rachel laughed out and hugged her back. After a few quick moments, she leaned back and furrowed her brow. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

"Couldn't sleep. Thinking too much."

"Oh, I know those nights." She clicked her tongue and shook her head. When she was younger, and even now, her thoughts would be going a mile a minute and she couldn't shut off her brain. "What's on your mind?"

"Well." Rachel stroked her chin for a minute, looking off a bit. "I was wondering if you and Mr. Harris are going to start dating." Trina raised her eyebrows and Rachel looked up at her with a curious glance. "Ophelia and I heard you talking. We really enjoy spending time together, and I like Mr. Harris a lot too, so I was wondering about that. I don't know a lot about whatever dating is, but it seems important."

Trina laughed and started to nod. "Dating, well, its spending quality time with someone you really like; but there's more to it. You can spend quality time with a friend and it isn't considered dating." She didn't know how to explain it, not to a twelve year old child that wasn't quite at that point yet. She wracked her brain to think of how to possibly explain what dating was. "I'll be honest, I'm not sure how to explain it other than when you have someone that you'd like to get to know on a more intimate and personal level, you start to spend time with them and do things that both of you enjoy." Rachel hummed a bit and nodded, seeming to understand.

"So if you like someone and want to get to know them better, you might go on a date?"

"Yes, something like that…but there's a deeper connection to it, one that I'll admit is difficult for me to explain."

"Do you _like_ Andre?" She paused, thinking about all the times Andre had been there for her throughout the years. No one else had quite been the person that he'd been. She admired him a great deal, and the attraction was there.

id "I would say yes. The attraction is there. That's the difference between going to a movie with a friend and going to a movie with someone you're attracted to as a date. Again, I'll admit, there's a very complex thing to it all…"

"Okay."

"But I am going to go out with him."

"I was thinking about something else." Rachel moved a few feet away and started to pace a bit, her lips curling and her eyebrows closing to the center. "I remember at the orphanage, hearing a couple staff members talking. They were talking about this whole friend thing, what was it called? Friend zone thing?" Trina let out a sore chuckle and closed her eyes.

"Yeah, that's something you don't want to pay attention to."

"One of them said they thought it was weird because you're supposed to be best friends with the person you're married to."

"The whole friend-zone thing, yeah, for the most part it's an excuse." Rachel raised an eyebrow and Trina crossed her arms. "Some people will say 'we're too much like friends' and that's what the friend-zone is. It's more of an excuse people use when they're afraid of rejection or a potential breakup that could cause them to lose a friend. They use friendship as an excuse not to take a risk."

"You and Andre are friends."

"Yes." She laughed. "Really close friends."

"So you're friends. You like him, and he seems to like you. You're happy around him." Rachel smiled brightly. "I like the idea of you two spending more time together!" Trina's heart skipped so that she nearly leapt for joy. It was as much of an approval from her daughter to date someone else that s he thought she'd get.

At the same time, Rachel never truly knew her father. Trina was aware how some children felt about their parent dating again after the loss of another parent, but this was a different circumstance. "You would be okay with it, Rachel?" Rachel pursed her lips and gave her a curious glance. Trina took a deep breath and shut her eyes. "I know you never knew your father, but…"

"It's okay. Really, it is. I think I know how you mean." Trina raised an eyebrow, unsure how Rachel could possibly understand. "Some volunteers at the orphanage were talking once." Rachel tilted her head. "An older lady remarried and was talking to another volunteer about advice because their kid wasn't giving their stepfather any time of day. She felt like maybe her kid thought their stepdad was replacing their real dad or something…I don't worry about that sort of thing."

Trina couldn't help but to chuckle, her heart lifting up even more. She was surprised, yet not surprised at the same time that Rachel could have learned from volunteers and staff members at the orphanage just chatting. She did seem to be very observant.

"Ijust met _you_ , and Dad's not even alive. Why would I worry about whether or not you date somebody?"

Her response rendered Trina speechless. She hadn't thought of it in that way before, and truth be told hadn't worried as much about it as some might. Perhaps she considered herself fortunate Rachel wasn't one of those types of kids; but she knew Rachel hadn't had the type of connection others did.

"What do you think about me opening up a business and doing some coaching?" It wasn't a question she thought a girl Rachel's age would understand, but still she was curious. The child looked at her, studying her for some time before speaking a word.

"Will you be happy?"

"I believe I will."

"Then okay, if you're happy…Isn't that what matters?"

"I suppose so." She smiled. Of course there was more to it, but why burden the child with all the external details? "I was an athlete when I was younger. I still am, I still do a lot of boxing here and there, but it was a big part of my life. It was a passion. I gave a lot of it up because I was trying to take care of your aunt."

"Oh. So, you want to go back and do those things again?"

"I do…"

"So what's keeping you?"

Once again, Trina was speechless. She didn't know how to respond to Rachel's question, especially since she didn't know for sure. The fact of the matter remained: She enjoyed her job, but didn't feel like it would be enough. Even still, she was scared, she wasn't anywhere near being a professional athlete; so how could she provide for Rachel on uncertainty? There was a great deal to think about.

Rachel picked up the papers from nearby and studied the gym carefully. Trina steadied her breathing and watched as the girl raised her head. "Is boxing a safe sport?"

"It can be. I've always been into MMA." Rachel's brow furrowed and Trina smiled at her. "Mixed Martial Arts, it combines various forms of fighting from kickboxing to taekwondo, krav maga, and so on. I've been going to that gym for a long time, but there are other gyms I like to go to as well."

"I've seen boxing on television, they don't have any safety gear at all."

"Professional fighting is much different, I train in amateur boxing, so we have protective gear. As a matter of fact, I was going to go and let off some steam there tomorrow. I haven't done any training in a while."

"Can I come? I want to watch."

Trina tapped her chin for a moment. There wasn't any harm in Rachel going to the gym with her and watching a bit. If she wanted to go, she was certainly welcome. "I suppose you can…"

They left fairly early the next day to try and beat traffic, it was a quiet drive with all the thoughts on Trina's mind. For some reason, David insisted on joining, despite Trina assuring him all she was going to be doing was training and they didn't have to watch. Though, she guessed he wanted to get out of the house for a bit.

Inside, she didn't see her friend, the old owner, but she had a feeling he was around. She got suited up, wearing a pair of black track pants with a red stripe and a black sports bra. Her hair was done in a ponytail and she wore a black helmet and donned a pair of black boxing gloves.

Her opponent was another woman with short brown hair and had the physique of a bodybuilder. Her face was long, her jaw strong, and she had a sharp nose centered between two sharp brown eyes. "Alright Nancy, you ready to go?" Nancy smiled and gave a swift nod, though Trina noticed the playful smirk on her face.

"We've got an audience today?"

"Yeah. My dad insisted he come." Nancy closed her eyes and grinned, nodding for a second. "Also, that's my daughter sitting next to him." Trina motioned to Rachel, who waved proudly. Nancy's thin eyebrows rose and the woman gasped a bit.

"You have a daughter? You've never brought her out here before."

Trina shrugged. "It's a bit of a long story. I'd tell you over a beer sometime."

"It's usually busy at the bar during my shifts."

"True. That's my baby girl that I gave up for adoption." Trina cleared her throat and folded her arms. Nancy nodded, familiar with the tale. A tiny smile stretched across her face. "I found her recently, and she's been going from foster care to foster care. I decided to bring her back into my life. I couldn't be happier."

"I'm happy for you." Trina outstretched her arms, then bent her elbows. She spread her feet out and waited as Nancy copied her pose. The pair preferred to talk while sparring. "I'm a bit concerned though. Are you going to be able to take care of her?"

"I'm going to try my best, I know I need to be there for her." Nancy threw a left jab. Trina threw her arms up before her face, then pushed out with her right arm. She quickly countered with a right jab to the stomach. Nancy grunted and shifted to the right. "I know finances aren't the greatest right now."

"You're living with your father and working as a head custodian. I know people are capable of doing just that, but children services are very picky and very particular."

"I know." Trina performed a swift uppercut, causing Nancy to lean back to avoid. Nancy countered with a left punch, striking downward and hitting Trina in the shoulder. Trina ducked and lifted her knee, to which Nancy pushed down with her hands to push her leg back. "Andre made a suggestion, one I'm really considering."

"Oh?"

"He thinks I should take ownership of the gym. Work here, train and teach here while subbing part time for the school district." She threw another punch, striking Nancy on the right. Nancy slid backwards, smiling a bit.

"I think that would be a great idea you prefer the athletics anyway."

"I figure I can do well as a substitute coach. P.E. most likely, but I can coach team sports too. Baseball more than anything else…"

"Baseball, huh? Like your father, right?"

"Right." David taught her to play baseball when she was a child, and she actually managed to join an early women's baseball team in college. It was something that the state of California was trying their hardest to incorporate.

They continued their sparring match for a while, both dealing strikes and both blocking several. Eventually, in the corner of her eye, she caught an old man with a grey beard and blue track suit walking into the room. "Shepherd!" The pair stopped their match and faced him. The man grinned at them and slid a hand over his balding. "I heard you're selling the gym."

She walked forward, her eyes wide. Shepherd frowned and started to nod. "I'm afraid the rumors are true. I've been having heart problems lately and can't get around the way I used to. I've got a lot going on medical wise and just need to retire to focus on that." He put his hands to his hips and let out a heavy sigh. "Oh if only I can give this gym to somebody I trust." His eyes flickered up to her and she raised an eyebrow at him.

Nancy walked forward and smacked her hand down onto Trina's shoulder. "You heard the rumors, Shep?" Shep's smile broadened and he started to nod.

"I've heard a little something…"

"What?" Trina spoke loudly and with surprise. "How?"

Shep started to laugh. "A little birdie came by and said he might talk to you about it." Her eyelids fell halfway and she started to chuckle, knowing all too well who he meant. "I've always said, that Andre has your best interests in mind it seems. I think you would take care of this gym extremely well, you deserve it. You've spent nearly every day of the last decade here, you know the ropes and what it takes…if anyone bought this gym, I wouldn't trust them to take care of the place half as much as I trust you."

"So you say." He was right, she knew this place like the back of her hand. She would be able to ensure it was clean, she knew where everything was, and had the managerial experience to supervise anyone. Her voice lowered a bit as she reached behind her neck. "And I just got my daughter back too."

Shepherd's eyes widened, being close enough to hear. "You've got your daughter back?" He let out a gasp and put his hand to his chest. "Dear lord, you'll give me a premature heart attack. You should bring your child here some day!" Trina laughed nervously while removing her gloves. She pointed over her shoulder.

"I did. She's over there." Turning around she met Rachel's endearing gaze. "Rachel, would you mind coming up here for a second?" Rachel's eyes grew large and she waited a minute before making a shy approach. Once the girl was at her side, Trina reached down and wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders and back. "Rachel, these are a couple of my closest friends. Shepherd and Nancy…Shepherd owns this gym, but he's fixing to retire."

"It's good to meet you," Rachel said to them. Shepherd cupped his heart with his hands and a twinkle shone in his eyes.

"Dear child, it is wonderful to finally meet you. Your mother has spoken often of you and how she wishes so much that she could have you in her life." Trina's face turned red and she looked down to see Rachel glancing up at her with a smile. "You have a mother that is strong and devoted, I firmly believe she will do everything in her power to be a good mother to you."

Rachel leaned hear head sideways, into Trina's side, and closed her eyes. "Thanks." The child took a deep breath, then opened her eyes back up. "She's thinking about buying the gym for you." Rachel lifted her head and gazed up at Trina with a widening grin. "Right, Mom?" Her heart flickered and she quickly cleared her throat.

"Now, about that…"

"Mr. Shep _needs_ you, and believes in you just as much as I believe in you." Her heart fluttered and she looked to the man, who was now flashing a coy smile. "I think you can do it. I think you should."

"You know what?" She lifted her head. Pride swelled within, spinning into a web of confidence. "Let me call Andre and I'll do that deal. I know I can do it." Shepherd clapped his hands and Nancy once again pat Trina on her shoulder.

"Fantastic!" Nancy said with a bright laugh. "Next time you come into the bar, I'll comp you a drink to celebrate."

She felt it was truly the right decision. She needed to have a greater income, or at least felt she needed to. Plus, this might give her more opportunity to be with Rachel. "Trina." Shepherd stepped forward and raised a hand to his chest. "I want to do something for you. If you go ahead and buy this gym…" Trina furrowed her brow.

"Yes?"

"I will give to you my last month of income…" For the first time, she felt her heart jump and sink at the same time. She couldn't do that to this man, there was no way she could accept such an enormous amount of money. Before she could protest, he put his hand up and turned his head to the side. "Now dear, I know of your friend's plan should you actually take ownership. He told me that if you decided to do it, he would be the one footing the bill so that you didn't personally have to pay anything. Knowing now that you've just brought your child back into your life…This gift I am offering is something that I feel you need."

"Shepherd…" Her eyes began to water and she raised a hand up. "What about you? Your medical situation. For you to just give up an entire month's paycheck-" Shepherd's eyebrow rose and he tilted his head a bit.

"You do know that I am selling this gym and the cost of the gym is enough for me. I am old, I have no worries. You are one of my dearest friends, and you have been coming here for so many years that you are one of my most trusted friends. The faith I have in you…I would not do this for anyone else."

"Shep…"

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Trina."

"Okay." She nodded, her cheeks flooding with tears as she extended her hand. "I-I'll give Andre a call." Shep met her with a handshake and she caught the proud gleam in his eye.

* * *

So, an important and crucial decision. At least Trina will have help if she needs it. Finally a crucial step though. Trina, the athlete, a step in the right direction.


	22. First Date

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

Chapter 22 (First Date)

At a table with a warm brown tablecloth, covered with plates and two glasses of wine, Trina laughed with Andre over a joke. The evening was going well, better than either had anticipated. It wasn't easy to put some things behind and out of the mind, but for the sake of going out and spending time together, they were able to.

"You think Tori is having this much fun right now?" Trina said with a chuckle. Andre took a sip of his malbec and flashed a toothy grin.

"Who knows, she just might be. Isn't she having a Netflix movie night with Ian?"

"Yeah. That actually sounds amazing." Trina lifted her wine to her lips and closed her eyes, delighting in its sweet flavor and gentle aroma. As she lowered her glass, she opened her eyes partially to see Andre looking at her somewhat studiously. "What's up?" He cocked his head a bit and set his glass down.

"I'm wondering if I can say it, but I think I just will. You look amazing in this light." She felt the blood rush to her cheeks and smiled a bit at him.

"Thank you." He looked fairly handsome as well. He was sporting a recent haircut and a beard that he was growing out. It was a much different look, albeit an attractive one. He looked like actor Tim Reid in his younger days. "You're pretty handsome yourself. Tough, even Tori was surprised to see your hair cut so short." Andre laughed again, deep and rich.

"Well, I'm getting older you know. I felt like trying a different style out, and my barber suggested a more mature look." He slid his hand through his hair, humming for a moment. "It's a dad cut, but I like it." Trina flashed a smirk and Andre's eyebrows went up.

"Well, considering you _are_ a dad, it's fitting. You look a little like Tim Reid. You know who he was?"

"The dad on that show in the 90's?"

"Yep. Sister, Sister." Andre winced, then began to laugh, holding his stomach for a moment.

"Damn, and here I was hoping to look like Morgan Freeman."

"You need grey or white hair for that. Give it a few more years. What about me? Do I have a celebrity lookalike?" Andre scratched his chin and leaned forward, humming as he squinted his eyes. Finally, he gasped and raised a finger.

"You look just like Victoria Vega's older sister!" Trina laughed and leaned sideways, covering her forehead with her hand. Andre curled his hands under his chin and his mouth slid into a small smirk. "Although, if you cut your hair just a smidge you might make a striking resemblance to that actress from _Friends_ …"Trina leaned back, her eyebrows rising.

"Let me guess. Courtney Cox?"

"That's the one." She smacked her lips and nodded. It wasn't a poor consideration. Andre lowered a hand to the table and straightened his posture. "Man, we really have to get with the current day and age before our kids get to be teenagers and rightly accuse us of being nostalgic old people."

She thought for a moment, then moved her hand over her mouth, gasping into it. "Oh my god you're right. Who can keep up with Hollywood these days, though? They were bad enough when we were younger, now they're just ridiculous."

"True. So true." They cut into their steaks and spent a few minutes in silence just eating. It was nice to be able to be there and to talk with Andre on a different level. It didn't feel weird as society would have one believe able dating a good friend.

The truth was, she'd not felt this comfortable with anyone in a very long time. Dating didn't have to be something extravagant or unique; it's sharing precious time, moments and bits of life with someone on a deeper level than one would spend with friends.

"It feels weird," Trina started to say, "Being a business owner. Or starting to be one." Andre looked up slowly and gave a gentle nod.

"Nervous?"

"A bit. I know I have to think about a lot of things, like checking up on revenue and factoring cost versus expenses. Thankfully, Shepherd isn't in debt, so I don't have to worry about trying to climb out of some proverbial hole."

"Always good to inherit a business that isn't in the red. I'm proud of you though, taking this step. I know it's not easy." Trina smiled, feeling her heart lift up a bit.

"It would be harder without the support system I have." Even Shepherd was going to stick around and help her out from time to time, more of an advisor and coach for running a place. So she had a team, in every sense of the word. "The staff that operates the gym knows me and has my back, so I'll be getting advice and help from them as well. So, it is nice to know I'm not alone in this."

"Good. I had a feeling the staff and people there would be accepting. I'm glad." Trina was about to respond, but stopped when her phone started to ring. She looked to her purse for a moment, then back to Andre worriedly. He closed his eyes and waved his hand. "Go ahead, could be Rachel." Being a father, he would likely understand the need to answer the phone just in case.

"Thank you." She grabbed her phone and answered it hastily. When she heard Rachel's voice, she caught her breath and held it for just a moment. "Rachel, honey, is something wrong?"

"No," Rachel answered, "I just wanted to check on you. Sorry if I'm interrupting." Trina let out a soft gasp and put her hand to her chest.

"Not at all. Are you enjoying your time with Ophelia and Frankie?" Since Tori was spending time with Ian, and David was just too exhausted to do much, Rachel had wanted to visit with Ophelia.

"Oh yeah, we've been playing with these dolls that Ophelia has. Frankie made us hot dogs for dinner and showed us how to bake cupcakes." There was a pause, and Trina could almost visualize a growing smile on her daughter's face. "So, we have cupcakes for you!"

"I can't wait to try them! What flavor?"

"Chocolate. Ms Frankie wanted to start us off with simple and basic. So chocolate and vanilla with chocolate icing for those and cream cheese for the vanilla." There was another pause, followed by a small groaning noise. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your date. I wasn't going to call, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I hope you're having a good time."

"I am. I appreciate your call. I was just thinking about calling to check on you." She looked to Andre, who smiled back at her while taking a small bite of his meal. "I'll let you get back to making some more cupcakes with Ophelia and Frankie if you like."

"Actually, Ophelia and I are going to play some video games once she's done brushing her teeth." Another pause followed the sound of footsteps pacing the floor. "So, you'll be by to pick us up from Frankie's around nine?"

"Yes, we'll be there at nine."

"Okay. I'll look for you then. See you later. Enjoy the rest of your date!" Rachel hung up and Trina slowly put away her phone. She had a good idea of why Rachel called, and from the understanding look on Andre's face, he had a similar thought.

"I think she's worried," Trina replied softly, "I haven't actually been away from her very often since I brought her home. Aside from school, and Robbie tells me she's often watching the clock."

"It might just be something that'll pass, but it might not." Andre set his silverware down and picked up a napkin. "I know Ophelia can get like that when I'm gone."

Trina nodded, remembering when she first started babysitting for Andre. "She'd watch the clock and time when you were supposed to be coming home. I think it's normal for some children, but Rachel, I think it's a bit more serious."

"I think so, given her history. She may not say it, but she's probably trying to make sure that you're coming back."

"I hope she'll get used to these sorts of things in time."

"Until then, just work with her on it. Be there for her, and you don't need to be told not to push her away." He looked in her eyes and raised an eyebrow at her. "For that matter, I will never complain if you need to answer her when she's calling you. Not just because I'm a parent, but because if she's calling you she needs to hear from you more than the normal child."

"Yeah…" She was glad that he was so understanding, especially because most might not be. "So, it seems Aunt Frankie is teaching our kids how to bake cupcakes." Andre chuckled.

"Someone's got to. Though, I don't know if she knows what she's done, teaching them how to work with sugar." Trina laughed heartily and Andre flashed a grin. "It's good to be able to laugh together. I have to admit, I was kind of nervous, I was afraid we'd be sitting in an awkward silence…"

She'd been afraid of that for a little bit herself, but it was great to see that wasn't the case. They were comfortable with one another, and had no reason not to be. "I think it's important, being able to make the other person in a relationship laugh. Really, isn't that what it's all about? To have that person that means so much to you and they can make you smile, laugh, and feel good about the world?"

"I think so, at least part of it."

"I'm just surprised we didn't get together sooner. I've certainly thought about it…"

"So did I; but I never thought I was your type." She raised an eyebrow and her lip curled into a smirk.

"Type? What do you think my type is?"

"Well." Andre shrugged and started to lean forward. "I don't know. For one, I've never seen you date a black man."

"Well, you're not an athlete either; but that hasn't stopped me." Andre laughed. "I don't think 'type' is really a big deal, especially getting older. To me, it's more about how someone can make me feel; and now, how are they with my family, with my daughter?"

"I agree. The whole type thing just seems to be a classification thing, like the whole high school clique stuff from way back in the day."

"Exactly." She snapped her fingers and picked up her wine. "Though there is still something to attraction. Some people are less attracted to skinny versus muscular while some are opposite. You're not athletic, but you have a strong build because you work out; and I do find that attractive." Andre grinned. "My sister, on the other hand, has always seemed to gravitate towards the limber and lean."

"True." They sipped their drinks slowly, both flicking their eyes out at the other. Andre lowered his glass with a chuckle and a sigh. "So, everyone has their dealbreakers." Trina smirked back at him.

"Oh, does Andre Harris have a dealbreaker?" He smirked back, his eyebrows rising as he cocked his head to the right.

"Maybe. What's your take on Valentine's Day?" She couldn't help but to laugh, already knowing just how much he couldn't stand the holiday. She hated it too, found it to be far too commercialized.

"Oh god, I hereby certify…" She put her hand to her chest, leaning forward and gazing into his eyes. "I, Katrina Vega, will not require, demand, or hint at you to buy or do anything special on Valentine's Day. If you wish to do anything because you want to, that is your discretion; but you have 365 days in a given year to do whatever the hell you want."

Andre lowered his head to his forearm, snickering as she set her wine down. He raised his head up and wiped an eye with his finger. "I cannot tell you how many times I've gone out with someone only to have them demand that I do something extravagant for Valentine's Day or face a breakup."

"Yeah, girls can be…strange." She rolled her eyes. "I have never understood it, the need to demand something special on February 14th. It's just a fucking day. If you need to have that one day to feel special just because it's a unique day, and your entire relationship revolves around whether or not your mate does something on that one particular day-nevermind the other 364 days-then there's a problem."

"I've always preferred that if I'm going to be romantic, I'm going to do it whenever I can and because I want to."

"Yeah. Don't ever feel like you _have_ to do something for me on V-Day, as I call it." She sipped her wine, then flicked out a finger. "But, I won't say no to a spa ticket." Andre chuckled softly and Trina carefully lowered her wine. "But I don't think you can top what you've already done."

"What's that?"

"Going out of your way to buy a gym just so I can jumpstart a career…"

"You're worth it." He smiled and raised his glass. Feeling her heart flutter for a second, she raised her glass and quickly tapped it against his.

* * *

So it seems they're having a good time, which is good; and Frankie's taking the typical aunt with sweets thing and kicking it up a notch by teaching her niece how to make the sweets themselves. Hah. Guarantee Tori to do the same. So what are your thoughts and observations this chapter? Do tell.


	23. Tough Topics

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 23 (Tough Topics)

Trina was busy cleaning up the living room, dusting off some high shelves where David hadn't been able to reach in the past. Rachel was on the couch nearby, watching some television show on Nickelodeon; and cringing every few seconds. Trina didn't care for it either because it revolved around some superstar wannabe with a sibling that everyone hated. It wasn't often she saw shows that triggered past emotions in her; but amazingly it didn't bother her as much as it could've.

"I don't understand it," Rachel said, "The show's a comedy, but the way these people act…" Rachel looked over her left shoulder, her eyebrows rising. Trina lowered the hand holding her microfiber rag and sighed.

"It's director is known for turning moments that would normally be traumatic into 'comedy gold' as they used to say." She shrugged. "Such as the glorification of bullying…That said, I'm not a huge fan of that television network."

"Oh?" Rachel looked back and scrunched her face. "Do you want me to watch something else?"

"I'm not really concerned about keeping you from watching what you want, with a few exceptions of types of movies I'd rather you not be exposed to…I'm more concerned with whether you understand something." Trina walked over and took a seat beside her, motioning to the television screen. "Like this. I would like to have you understand and realize that it is not okay to treat someone poorly, even if they may seem eccentric or odd." Rachel nodded slowly, her head rolling a bit to the right.

"I know. I've been picked on before, I don't like it at all."

"Exactly. You never know how you could impact someone. You don't know what they're going through, how they're handling things in their life; and sometimes when they really just need someone to talk to, getting picked on just hurts all the more."

Rachel turned off the television and continued to stare at the now blank screen. "You were picked on before, I know you mentioned."

Trina inhaled and closed her eyes. "That's right." Rachel turned her head and furrowed her eyebrows.

"How badly? Didn't you mention Mrs. Oliver was involved?"

"She was the center." Trina curled her hair over her ear and lowered her hand to Rachel's knees. "But I don't want you to think badly of her. She is a very good person, okay?" Rachel started to nod, her eyes dropped to the floor and her face sunk a bit.

"Well, why'd she bully you?"

` "I told her to." Rachel looked up, her mouth formed an oval and her eyebrows started to quiver. "She was going through a lot of problems when she was younger as well, and when Tori came along, she got upset after an interaction between her and Beck."

"What happened?"

"Tori spilled coffee on him and started wiping him down with a napkin." Trina chuckled softly and shook her head. "Jade got insanely jealous and began to pick on her. Being protective as I was, I told Jade to pick on me; and then I started acting like a stuck up diva just so I could get her to target me more."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"You know what?" She reclined a bit and stretched her arm around Rachel's shoulders. She kicked her heels up onto the coffee table and gently shook her head. "Even knowing why, I still can't wrap my mind around what was going through my head back then. Dad couldn't understand it, and even Jade couldn't understand it. She knew how I was, knew physically I was stronger and didn't have to take it; but I took it. All for Tori."

"What changed? You're best friends now…and Opal is one of my newest best friends too."

Trina smiled at her, her heart swelling in her chest. "And I am glad for that." She gently pat her child's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Let's just say Jade and I found common ground and I stopped acting the way I was."

"What made you stop pretending to be a diva?"

Trina's eyes opened partially and she stared ahead at the wall in silence. It was hard to say, because she was well aware her own depression caused it. "I think I was just tired of pretending." Rachel hummed a bit and stared ahead as well. "I reached a point in my life where I didn't have the energy for it anymore."

"Then Aunt Tori left. She was the main reason you were acting like that, right?"

"Yeah…Can I ask something?" Rachel sucked her lips in and ran her hands down her thighs, cupping them around her knees. "Was there ever a point where…" Her voice wavered a bit. "Was there ever a point where you thought about dying?" Trina's eyes opened wide and her lips spread open wide. Rachel looked up to her and she quickly closed her mouth. "I mean, I know what 'suicide;

'[  
' is…are you really surprised?  
"

A sorrowful smile came over her face and she felt her eyes starting to mist up. "I shouldn't be, I understand." It was troubling to have to broach this subject with her daughter, but Rachel didn't have to have a traumatic life to know what suicide was. No, these days just as before, young children were aware of such topics like sex and drugs, so it wasn't a huge shock that Rachel would know of it. "I did."

She spoke calmly and slowly, trying not to think about those times. It was hard enough to do that, let alone tell Rachel about it. She did make a promise, after all, that there would be no secrets. "I was severely depressed." Her breathing quivered and she quickly shut her eyes. "I thought about it multiple times. When your father died and I gave you up, then Tori left, that was when it got worse. In fact, it was Andre that helped me to move forward."

Rachel smiled a bit. "He did? How?"

"I guess he kept giving me these short term goals to focus on-like promising that I would go see one of his shows. I don't really know what it was, but he helped me a little bit."

"You don't think about it now, do you?"

"No." Trina sighed and closed her eyes. "It isn't something I think about." There was that brief moment when the orphanage was on fire, it didn't flicker in her mind. She was scared, terrified of what would happen if both Tori and Rachel perished in that fire. "I had to learn to live for myself first. That was a big part of it. I lived my life so much for Tori that I'd forgotten to live for myself. When she left, when Jason died and I had given you up for adoption, I felt like I didn't have anything to live for…It was Andre, Jade and the others that helped me to get away from that; but in the end, nobody can completely erase depression except for the person themselves."

Her heart was heavy and she felt a tinge of nerves. "What made you ask about that?" Rachel frowned again and her eyelids closed over her eyes.

"Because I thought about it in the past." Trina felt a rush of emotion strike her. A tear ran down her face and she looked up, watching the fan blades as they spun on low speed. Rachel gasped softly and leaned back, her eyes opening wide as she pushed her hands outwards. "I haven't thought about it lately or anything, just-"

Trina leaned over, sweeping her arms tenderly around her daughter. "You don't have to explain." She got it. Knowing Rachel's history, it was impossible not to understand. No one wanted to accept or acknowledge that a child would even have such thoughts; but the things she'd gone through were enough to make anyone feel in such a way. "I love you. I want you to know that. I love you very much."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Trina, her hands sliding up along her back. "I don't want you to go away. I don't want to go back to that place. I want to stay with you and grandpa and aunt Tori…"

Tears poured down her face as she heard her daughter's voice break. "No matter what, Rachel…I'm not letting you go. Not this time, not now, not ever. You are my daughter."

Rachel pulled back a bit, wiping her nose with her shirt sleeve. "You have to take care of yourself though. Grandpa told me you started to hover over him and Grandma a little bit in the past."

"Old habits die hard." It was true, but she felt like no one else would be able to care for her parents. "But to be fair, with Tori out of the picture and them the way they were, there wasn't anyone left to be there in case something happened."

"Were Grandma and Grandpa that bad off?"

"Health-wise and mentally wise? When younger, your Aunt could take care of her but I hovered over and was overprotective. With your grandparents, not so much the same…they had their health problems, and it did become in such a way that they needed help or I'd be needed in case of emergencies; but I didn't hover over them. Even when Tori came back, I tried hard not to let myself fall back into old habits with her. Now, I'm trying not to do that."

"With me?"

"Yes. I don't want to become a helicopter parent, I don't want to hover. I worry about you, and I care about you, but I don't want to smother you and become overprotective." She took a deep breath. "Not every scrape or splinter is a life-threatening situation. You need to be able to grow, and sheltering would only hamper that."

"I think I understand." Rachel scrunched her face a bit then shook her head. "You said that Mrs. Oliver was struggling with a lot of things, and that's why she was the way she was; but it isn't like that for everyone that's picking on someone, is it?"

"Not always, no. Sometimes they may be going through things and other times they may just be plain mean."

"Like that woman that tried to burn down the orphanage just to kill Aunt Tori?" Rachel turned her head upwards and a soft exhale fell from Trina's lips as she met her daughter's eyes.

"Unfortunately there are some people in this world whose behavior and actions can't be explained as them having a rough time of things. Some people just do things because they feel like it or they don't care. On the extreme side of that we call them psychopaths or sociopaths, and they are incredibly dangerous individuals."

"You think Barbara was one of those?"

"She tried to take the life of the same person and didn't care who she hurt or damaged along the way. She was responsible for the deaths of many teenagers, including your father, and she could have been responsible for the deaths of many young children; and she didn't have a moment of remorse." Rachel's eyes grew wide and the girl slowly nodded, able to understand the situation it seemed.

"I'm glad she's in prison now and can't do any more damage to anyone." Rachel tilted her head a bit. "Back to Mrs. Oliver, what kind of stuff did she have to deal with? Do you mind me asking?"

Trina leaned back a bit, sighing heavily. "Her mother was a very bad person who did some horrible things to her when she was a child." It was too much to say and she didn't feel comfortable going into too much detail. There was only so much that Jade would want said, anyway. "These things made her insecure and depressive, and that caused her to take it out on others.

"But she got better?"

"Yes."

"And her mom?"

"Is like Barbara." Trina smiled gently. "In prison for a very long time."

"Good. I'm glad. Mrs. Oliver seems very nice and I would hate to see her upset."

In that moment, Trina's cell began to ring. When she grabbed it off the nearby end table, she saw Jade calling. As though on cue. Trina chuckled a bit and answered the call. "Hey Jade, we were just talking about you."

"Nothing bad, I hope." Jade chuckled a bit.

"No. Rachel was asking about your past a little bit. She asked about your mom, so I said she wasn't a good person and was in prison."

"Oh." Jade hummed for a few seconds and ultimately sighed. "Yeah. Thank god. You didn't go into any details about my childhood, did you?"

"No." Besides being respectful to Jade, there were certain topics she wasn't ready to discuss with Rachel. "Anyway, was there something you needed, or did you just call to chat?"

"You're going to want to come over here. Pamela and John are over her and said they want you here." Trina jerked back her head and her eyebrows rose sharply.

"Why are they at your house? If they wanted to talk to me, they know where my place is." It was so odd of them, but perhaps they had their reasons.

"They wanted to talk to Beck, about what I'm not sure, they want you here for this. I guess it would have something to do with Jason, but I'm not sure how it ties into Beck at all."

"Okay." She blew out a sharp breath and looked to Rachel, who was gazing studiously at her. "We'll be right over then. Do you want me to call Tori at all? Does it involve her?"

"No. I don't think so."

"We'll be over in a little bit then." She said her farewell and hung up the phone, slowly lowering it and staring at the screen. She did have a missed call from Pam, which surprised her. "Rachel, did you hear my phone at all earlier?" Rachel shook her head.

"I don't think so."

"Your grandma called apparently. Maybe we were just too focused on our conversation." She pocketed the phone and rose from the couch. "Anyway, Jade says your grandparents are over at her place, so we'll have to go over there."

"Alright, I'll go get dressed." Rachel hopped off the couch and started for her bedroom, but paused. "Oh, I just thought of something I was wondering about back in Christmas." Trina turned towards her.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Oliver's parents weren't there. Opal was saying she and Ryan never saw her dad's parents, and that their parents wouldn't let them. Why not?" Trina felt her body sink a bit and spread her hands out an inch.

"It's a long story, Rachel. Mr. Oliver's parents weren't nice to him, is the simplest way to say it."

"In the same way Mrs. Oliver's mom wasn't?"

"No, this was different. They acted like they didn't like him, that they didn't care." Rachel frowned and moved her hands to her stomach.

"Oh…I've had fosters like that."

"You'll never have to worry about that again, that's my promise." Rachel lifted her head and smiled at her.

"But why didn't they like him?"

Trina smiled sadly and shook her head. "That's the difficult part to talk about, sweetie." How could she say Beck was the product of an affair and the biological mother didn't want him? "There's no easy way to discuss it, and I'm not sure if it's something he'd want discussed right now."

"I understand." Rachel blinked twice and brought her hand to her chin. "Did Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro have any of these big issues when they were younger too?" Trina laughed.

"The weirdest pair in the bunch, and they were probably the most 'normal' out of all of us." Rachel chuckled and started to turn back around. "Now, go ahead and get dressed. We'll head on over and you can spend some time with Opal and Ryan. I'll go tell your grandpa we're heading out."

"Okay!" Trina watched her daughter run along the stairs and felt a sense of warmth. Somehow, everything seemed peaceful now that her daughter was there with here. The world was a difficult place, filled with a lot of people both good and bad; and it felt good to know she and her child could face it all together.

* * *

This chapter is done, what are your thoughts? Good bonding of mother and daughter it seems, and Trina is becoming more and more of a mother


	24. Old Secrets

Pains of Sacrifice

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

* * *

Chapter 24 (Old Secrets)

Arriving at Jade's home, she met her friend outside in the front yard. Opal was standing with her, waving at Rachel as they drove up. Rachel put her hand to the window and grinned from ear to ear, excited to be able to spend some time with her friend. Jade, on the other hand, had a worrisome look on her face.

As they exited the car, Opal ran up to them and took Rachel's hand. "Come on," said Rachel, "Ryan's on the swing set in the back, let's go." Rachel looked over her shoulder as Opal pulled her off and quickly waved. Trina smiled at her and waved back.

"Have fun, honey." As the pair disappeared through the fence's gate door, Trina dropped her hand and walked over to Jade. Turning her gaze to the right, she saw the Tyler's car sitting by the curb. She had an unsettling feeling in her gut. Considering Jade's expression, and the fact that the children were in the backyard, she wasn't sure exactly what to expect. "Jade, what's going on? Why are Pam and John here? Have they said much at all about what's going on?"

"Not much. They said it involves Beck, and they were adamant that you be here." Jade dropped her trembling hands and closed her eyes. "Trina, I have a feeling. I don't know what Beck's thinking, but Pamela said she needed to let go of something she's been holding onto…if it involves Beck, and they want you here as well…"

Trina's heart dropped into her stomach and she furrowed her brow, recalling the circumstances surrounding Beck. "How can that be possible?" She knew what Jade was getting at, and the thought both frightened and intrigued her. "You don't really think?" She covered her mouth with her hand and curled her eyebrows in the center. "Pamela?"

"Beck has always felt a strange connection to Mr. Sikowitz, always said he couldn't explain it." Jade moved towards Trina, wringing her hands once more. "Trina. Beck's birth mother didn't want him. He's never had a very good view of her, never knew her. If it's Pam…the three of us have gotten to know her well, so it's hard to think she could be that person."

"Maybe there was less malice than it seemed? I mean, Beck grew up thinking that way because his dad and step-mother told him that information." They already knew his parents hated him. "If Pam _was_ that person, you know what that means."

It was hard for her to stomach, and she was having a tough time thinking about it even in this instant. This was Jason's mother, the woman she knew so well or thought she had. "We'd better go in and hear what they have to say. You think Beck's arriving at the same thought?"

"I haven't voiced my suspicion, but he's been very quiet. Why would she wait all this time to come out with that information? Why?"

"If your suspicion's right, then I don't know." She shrugged. It could be many things. Guilt topped the list, and perhaps shame as well. Then there was the issue of her one and only child perishing in the Hollywood Arts fire nearly thirteen years prior. "I do know that since Jason's death, she's gone through a lot of rough times. Emotionally, mentally..."

"Yeah."

Trina pat Jade's back and started to guide her to the door. "Let's go hear her out." They made their way into the house and towards the living room. Beck was seated in the recliner closest to the couch, his head was curled at the top of his hand and his eyes were closed. Pam and John were on the couch, with John's arm around his wife's shoulders, while Pam was staring down at the floor with a heavy expression.

"Pam? John?" The couple looked up as Trina walked into the room. "Is everything okay?"

"No," Pam said quietly, "I wanted to say something. I'm ready to talk about."

"Why here? Couldn't you just as easily come to my house?" Trina pulled up a folding chair she grabbed from the storage closet on the way to the living room and placed it in the center of the room. Once she took her seat, she crossed her legs over, folded her left arm over her stomach and placed her right elbow on it, curling her hand underneath her chin. "Why trouble Beck and Jade?"

There were tears in Pam's eyes and she looked over at Beck. The woman was shaking like a leaf in the wind and looked ready to break apart. Beck opened his eyes partially, staring solemnly at her while his wife stepped behind him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Pam tore her gaze away and gasped. "There is no easy way to say this. Trina, I don't want you to hate me for keeping this from you; but there is something I've been holding back."

Trina nodded a bit. "Is this something Jason knew about?" As far as Jade's suspicion, she was well aware Jason had no idea of any such information. He did, however, talk about an affair her mother had at some point when he was a toddler. He didn't know much about it, because her parents never discussed it. The only way he ever knew was because he read some old journal that he found as a kid while snooping around his parents' bedroom.

Pam shook her head no. This made since, because Jade never confronted his parents about it. "If I remember, Jason kept things bottled up," Trina said while swaying a bit to the side. "He didn't talk about things a lot. His uncle was the same way, kept thins to himself. Runs in the family, I suppose?"

"Yes." Pam closed her eyes. "I wish that I had told him before he passed away. I spent so long after that point, keeping it inside and never facing any of it. I didn't know how, and I still don't."

"Is it about an affair?" Trina looked over and saw Beck raise his eyebrows. Pam moved her hand towards her chest, gasping softly. "Jason told me once, when he was a kid, he was snooping around your bedroom and found a journal that talked about an affair you had when he was a toddler." Pam was silent, the only instance of guilt and remorse came in the flicker of her eyes and the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"T-That is correct." Trina held her breath for a moment. She watched as John closed his eyes and pressed his lips firmly together. "I never realized he knew of it."

"I guess he figured it was done, it was in the past." She let out her sigh and uncrossed her legs. Her hand dropped to her knee and she began tapping her index finger on the kneecap. "He was always telling me, holding onto the past, dwelling on it, never did anything but cause pain and grief."

Pam shut her eyes. "He was very smart in that way." Trina nodded.

"He always knew the things to say. That's one of the reasons I cared about him so much." She leaned back a bit, her gaze drifting directly into Pam's. "I guess, you must have held onto that pain for a while, I don't think I could have ever suspected it because of the way you carried yourself."

"I never wanted anybody to know I was dealing with anything; but I need to let it out now." Pam pushed her hands down her legs and slowly shook her head. "I-I know it's a horrible thing, waiting this long. The last several years, you understand, I just couldn't cope." She looked over to Beck, who still hadn't said a word but was gazing at Pam with a fierce intensity. "The man I had an affair with was Richard Oliver."

Beck's hand tightened around the arm rest and his lips pressed firmly together. Still, he said nothing, and Trina couldn't read the emotion in his eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking when it happened…I think I was feeling lonely."

"Lonely?" Trina tilted her head and looked to John. "Where was John at the time?"

John shook his head a bit. "It was during my military days, when I was overseas for a couple of years." Trina watched as Beck began to tense up, he averted his gaze and looked off to the side.

"I was scared," Pam said under her breath, "I had a young son roughly four years old when I gave birth." Trina slammed her eyes shut and felt a surge of pain in her chest. "I didn't want to lose John, I didn't want to lose Jason; and I was terrified he wouldn't want me to raise another man's baby. A married man, no less."

John began to pat his wife's back and looked over at Beck, who was shaking his head. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak. "Are you saying that I am your son?" Beck narrowed his eyes and Trina turned her head to him. His voice was somehow calm, but she could see the anger and hurt in his eyes. "I grew up, my parents telling me how I was 'forced' onto them."

"I didn't force you onto them." Pam began pulling tissues from her purse and dabbing her face with them. "I promise you that I didn't do that." Beck crossed his arms and raised his shoulders up.

"So what was it? Because they treated me like the plague."

"I am sorry. I cannot explain their behavior. It was Regina who came to me and said they would take you in." Jade's head leaned back and Trina felt a flicker of anger in her heart. Regina was the worse of the pair, there was little doubt in her mind Regina had terrible intentions if she was the one that suggested it. "I didn't know why his wife would suggest it, but I accepted her help because I didn't know what else to do."

Beck scoffed and looked away. Silence filled the room and Trina shook her head at the whole ordeal. She could see Pam felt terrible, and she didn't know how to feel herself. She knew in her heart Jason would have wanted to know, and he probably would have tried to make contact with Beck if he were aware of everything.

"Why keep it all hidden for so long?" Trina asked. Pam's voice trembled more and she clutched her stomach.

"I couldn't accept what I had done. I told John and we did some counseling, it was a miracle he stayed with me even though I still don't know why he would. I feared talking about it after that, I feared even acknowledging it, because I felt like everything would go to hell."

"Did you never think of me?" Beck asked. "Did you never wonder?"

"I did, all the time."

"And these last few years? Why wait so long to come forward?"

Pam shut her eyes. "Once Jason died…I couldn't cope with anything. All I could do was fake a smile and try to make it another day." Trina looked down, now feeling sorry that she only occasionally spoke with Pam and John after Jason's death. The truth of the matter was it was difficult to do so. "When your wife called us to come for Christmas, to see our granddaughter, I was ecstatic. It was the happiest I was; but then…seeing you, seeing your children, and knowing that you had no idea all because I was afraid to accept the truth and reality of things-"

"You had to know what you would run into."

"I did. I don't think I was prepared as much as I thought I was. I held it in until we got in the car…" Pam leaned forward, her eyebrows curling as her voice broke. "I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I never came forward, and I know it seems horrible to come forward so late in life; but I do want to know you. I want to know your family. I-I was terrified of coming to you, terrified of being turned away, and I understand if you did."

"You have to realize how difficult it is for me, hearing this now."

"I do."

"It's a lot." Beck raised his hand up to his shoulder, cupping it around Jade's. She gave his hand a quick squeeze and he let out a quick breath of air. "I need some time to think, to process. I-I won't turn you away, but I need time."

"Understood." Pam looked to Trina and choked up. "I hope…I hope you don't think poorly of me, Trina." She closed her eyes and started to smile.

"I don't. Of course, I'm hurt that I didn't know either and that Jason never had a chance to know the truth. It's hard to stomach also, knowing the things Beck went through with his dad. Having known Jason, I know he would have done everything he could to help his brother out. I'm sorry that Beck never had a chance to get to know him. He missed out on knowing a fantastic and wonderful man."

Pam shook more, sobbing into her tissues. John continued to rub her back. He looked up and sighed. "I think if we had known what kind of people those two were, we would have done something then. I am truly sorry that never happened, and I know it's not much to say given everything."

"It's in the past now." Trina's smile grew a bit and she walked over, kneeling in front of Pam. She took the woman's hand in hers and stayed quiet as the woman met her gaze. "Jason wouldn't want you holding on to this. It's in the past, what's done is done, you can't change it." Pam smiled weakly and started to wipe her tears from her face. "You've done the first part, acknowledged it. Come to terms and let it out. Now you just have to find a way to move forward…I'm sure we can all do that together."

"I can tell," Pam started, "A part of him never truly left you." Trina closed her eyes, chuckling softly. "I was amazed, inspired even, when you found Rachel and brought her into your life." She opened her eyes and started to nod. "I think, knowing you found the strength to do that, helped me come to where I am now. Opening up like this…"

"You made the right decision. You just have to have the confidence in that."

"I know. Thank you."

Trina rose up and leaned over, hugging Pam tight. "And yes, Jason may be gone; but a part of him will always be with us. I know. He wouldn't want us holding onto the past, the things we've gone through…no, he'd want us to live our lives and be happy, try to make the best of everything. I know he would."

"Mr. Sikowitz too," Beck muttered. Trina nodded as Beck rose from the chair. "Again, I need some time to think; but I'm grateful to you for coming forward now." Pam looked up at him, brow and lips quivering. "It's better now than never, it's better than not knowing." He let out a sharp exhale. "So thank you."

* * *

So it seems even the ones who seem like they have it all together truly do not, but at least the way to healing is being paved. It's a long road to travel sure, but everyone's doing the best that they can.


End file.
